I just don't get it
It just feels like a dream. Leng, I just fucking saw you like 6 days ago and now I know that I'll never see you again.. at least the way that I want to see you. What I don't get is how I'm going through this so clear minded. I SHOULD be in shock and denial and all that other bullshit that one that goes through this situation should be in, but I'm thinking clear. Is it the whole leader thing? I feel fucking horrible that this happened, but at the same time I know I've gotta keep strong for the family. Leng, wtf? Just two months ago I was able to drag Lance along for your b-day and we went to SF. We had so much fun, cuz. Remember we went to your friend's place afterwards cuz you got so shit faced and we needed to walk you up the stairs to the bathroom? haha that was gold! Then when we were about to drive home, you were telling Lance not to let me drive my car because you said I was drunk? I told Lance to keep an eye on you in the back of Rian's car because you were shit face gone and I didn't want you to puke all over the place. We all got home nice and safe that night. Enough rambling, though.
I knew from the second I stepped into your house yesterday that the rumors were true. I didn't know what happened to you at the time, but within 5 seconds, I dropped the deer in a headlight look and stepped outside of your house. While your mom and Lance were talking to the officer, I called Arlene to let her know that it wasn't a rumor and then i called Jose to verify it as well. I didn't break down and cry even though I saw everyone else teary eyed and your mom crying. I made Lance tell me what happened so that I could set things straight and keep myself as well as everyone else informed. Why did I take it upon myself to do that? Because you know how the Aguilars are. It's like that game where you whisper a sentence into someones ear and it gets so warped that you can't tell what's going on anymore. I want to make sure that everyone knows the same story. You know we've always been there for each other in the past... I'll always be here for you still. I'm going to do my best to make sure your wishes get fulfilled with the exception of getting buried in PI next to Mark. That asshole will not keep a grip on you in your afterlife as well. I'll do my best to make sure people are happy that you're at peace at your funeral, but I don't think that the Hawaiian gear will work out too well (I'll wear it under my suit, just for you though). I don't think I'll be able to come wasted or keep everyone wasted, but we'll see.
Leng. I really wish I could've hugged you one last time. Maybe at least gotten the chance to show you the Girafa... I woulda at least made you laugh at that. Fucking Leng, you're making me cry again...