(no subject)
Talking about the weather is more than just awkward, polite elevator conversation when you live in Ohio. The weather here is so cruel and volatile, so secretive with its plans that sunshine feels like a privilege. This week, we are all kind of stoned on the sun; the grass that we took for granted is suddenly this lush bed that we don't want to get up out of.
And suddenly, in the course of one week, I figure out what I was supposed to be figuring out this whole year. It's as though I've been procrastinating on personal revelations about my life and then, I have to have them all at once, when I'd really rather be sleeping or some such.
I've wasted so much time. My energy has gone into the wrong places. I want my year back. I want to send an apology to the people I've known, explaining that I'm not really that much of a clingy, unreliable space cadette.
I'm taking a break from certain things that make my thoughts fuzzy and lonely and harder to articulate.
On the other hand, my future has become this grand, ambitious, unpredictable project. I'm working full-time this summer for a non-for-profit in Chicago, and will hopefully spend my nights outside on the patio with Tori and maybe Krissy.
I'm all strange and wired and excited and disappointed right now.
And suddenly, in the course of one week, I figure out what I was supposed to be figuring out this whole year. It's as though I've been procrastinating on personal revelations about my life and then, I have to have them all at once, when I'd really rather be sleeping or some such.
I've wasted so much time. My energy has gone into the wrong places. I want my year back. I want to send an apology to the people I've known, explaining that I'm not really that much of a clingy, unreliable space cadette.
I'm taking a break from certain things that make my thoughts fuzzy and lonely and harder to articulate.
On the other hand, my future has become this grand, ambitious, unpredictable project. I'm working full-time this summer for a non-for-profit in Chicago, and will hopefully spend my nights outside on the patio with Tori and maybe Krissy.
I'm all strange and wired and excited and disappointed right now.