blegh
okay so here's what the problem is.
today is the first day after school that alex and i haven't hung out. other than because of a club or something.
and like. that should be fine. because we actually hang out too much. and alex is a really bad student and takes like, 7 hours to do his homework. and doesn't do any in school. i seriously think he should be checked for a.d.d. but don't tell him i said that.
anyway. it should be fine. i mean i have to go in like, an hour anyway to do phone banking for the i-tax repeal and whatever. so like. it makes sense.
but it still makes me so FUCKING angry that alex doesn't care. ever. if i'm like, there to hang out with him or not. and like. fuck.
i put sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much time and energy into him. and you know, i want to because i like him. and that's what you do when you're like how we are. BUT HE DOESN'T CARE.
for example. it's our four month anniversary. alex has a lot of homework that he has to stay home and do. so his friends (josh, duncan and his girlfriend) go to his house. to watch football. and whatever. okay, that's chill. he's still supposedly working on homework. soooo... you know... since it's our 1/3 of a year anniversary, i bake him cookies in the shape of "I <3 ALEX" and walk to his house spontaneously and set them out on his counter, along with a big plate of cookies for him and his friends.
so that was like. my whole day. and then i left and went babysitting.
and i was glad to do it. i mean, it was our four month anniversary. and you know. it wasn't that big of a deal. like, cookies. woo hoo. i baked cookies. just a cute thing, you know, in spirit of the situation.
but it was definitely worthless. like, if i hadn't done that, alex would have thought nothing different of me. which is fine. i wasn't doing it to win his affection. i just wanted to be nice.
ksdhkljfhslkksjdhflkjh. okay i'm complaining like a mother. but i don't care.
i don't actually remember what my point is. i just think alex should have come over today after school. instead of having gone home.
not that i want to spend time with him.
but i guess it's not possible for him to hang out with me. or just do something random and sweet to show that he likes me as much as he says he does.
maaaaaah. god i'm sorry. i probably shouldn't publish this. but i'm going to.
okay so let me tell you a story.
i went to school today aaaaaaand... it was uhh pretty hot.
like literally, it was like 800 degrees today.
that was cute. i was sweating like a mofo. but we won't talk about that.
i learned how to mix photo chemicals in photography today. that was PRETTY chill. and i ummmm... learned how to say leg in german. biel. das biel. holler.
oooh and last night i went to this super-sac type meeting with molly georgetta about the i-tax (measure 26-64 VOTE NO) and it was really interesting and there's a rally and stuff and a march and you know. it's gonna be chill.
ksdjfhlasjkdhlfkawdhf fuck.
anyway. i have to do my outline. i have to focus on school. i have to be a better student. gooooooddddddd i'm in such a bad mood.
alexis
it was getting kinda long
it was almost getting in my way
today is the first day after school that alex and i haven't hung out. other than because of a club or something.
and like. that should be fine. because we actually hang out too much. and alex is a really bad student and takes like, 7 hours to do his homework. and doesn't do any in school. i seriously think he should be checked for a.d.d. but don't tell him i said that.
anyway. it should be fine. i mean i have to go in like, an hour anyway to do phone banking for the i-tax repeal and whatever. so like. it makes sense.
but it still makes me so FUCKING angry that alex doesn't care. ever. if i'm like, there to hang out with him or not. and like. fuck.
i put sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much time and energy into him. and you know, i want to because i like him. and that's what you do when you're like how we are. BUT HE DOESN'T CARE.
for example. it's our four month anniversary. alex has a lot of homework that he has to stay home and do. so his friends (josh, duncan and his girlfriend) go to his house. to watch football. and whatever. okay, that's chill. he's still supposedly working on homework. soooo... you know... since it's our 1/3 of a year anniversary, i bake him cookies in the shape of "I <3 ALEX" and walk to his house spontaneously and set them out on his counter, along with a big plate of cookies for him and his friends.
so that was like. my whole day. and then i left and went babysitting.
and i was glad to do it. i mean, it was our four month anniversary. and you know. it wasn't that big of a deal. like, cookies. woo hoo. i baked cookies. just a cute thing, you know, in spirit of the situation.
but it was definitely worthless. like, if i hadn't done that, alex would have thought nothing different of me. which is fine. i wasn't doing it to win his affection. i just wanted to be nice.
ksdhkljfhslkksjdhflkjh. okay i'm complaining like a mother. but i don't care.
i don't actually remember what my point is. i just think alex should have come over today after school. instead of having gone home.
not that i want to spend time with him.
but i guess it's not possible for him to hang out with me. or just do something random and sweet to show that he likes me as much as he says he does.
maaaaaah. god i'm sorry. i probably shouldn't publish this. but i'm going to.
okay so let me tell you a story.
i went to school today aaaaaaand... it was uhh pretty hot.
like literally, it was like 800 degrees today.
that was cute. i was sweating like a mofo. but we won't talk about that.
i learned how to mix photo chemicals in photography today. that was PRETTY chill. and i ummmm... learned how to say leg in german. biel. das biel. holler.
oooh and last night i went to this super-sac type meeting with molly georgetta about the i-tax (measure 26-64 VOTE NO) and it was really interesting and there's a rally and stuff and a march and you know. it's gonna be chill.
ksdjfhlasjkdhlfkawdhf fuck.
anyway. i have to do my outline. i have to focus on school. i have to be a better student. gooooooddddddd i'm in such a bad mood.
alexis
it was getting kinda long
it was almost getting in my way