Fic: How about this life
Title: How about this life
Author: Karin
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Spoilers: Minor reference to 7x24 "Living doll" and 8x01 "Dead doll"
Disclaimer: CBS owns the characters.
Archiving: sure
Summary: You'll never know if you'll get another chance.
AN: Hurricanes didn't stop her for helping me out on this one.
"Ann, darandkerry, thank you, you're the best!"
Sofia Curtis parked her car at the front of her former employer’s building, and with a deep sigh, in order to control her anxiety, she turned off the car’s ignition. The sight of the CSI headquarters was so familiar that the blonde could hardly believe it had been a year since she was last here. She folded her arms around the steering wheel and rested her chin on her interlaced fingers, while she watched the comings and goings of people at the change of shifts.
It was a bright morning, and she squinted weary eyes, waiting for one particular person to exit the lab’s main doors. The morning sunrays, peeping through the windshield, started tickling at Sofia’s face, and after a few moments, the detective’s eyelids started to flutter. It was not long after that her eyes finally closed, and her mind drifted off to that particular evening twelve months ago, one which altered the course of her life unmistakably.
Barely arriving at the precinct that night and hurriedly combing her hair with both her hands as she’d tied her long blonde manes into a ponytail, Sofia had been stopped by the receptionist, who’d relayed the message to immediately step into the Undersheriff’s office before starting duty. The detective’s already bad mood, due to continuous sleep deprivation, instantly dropped a few notches and turned into ice as she swallowed a testy remark.
Apparently, she’d given the young man such a stern look with her laser-blue eyes, he’d apologetically added, “Please, when you’re ready, of course.” His nervous look reminded Sofia not to kill the messenger, and as she passed by, she’d murmured cynically, “Do not pass Go, but head directly to Jail.”
On her way to meet her superior, Sofia had continued her effort to appear at least a bit presentable as she’d tucked her shirt into her slacks and straightened her sleeves. She’d managed to suppress a yawn before stepping into Undersheriff McKeen’s office, and she’d subconsciously prepared herself for the upcoming lecture by bracing her arms under her breasts. With a short nod of her head and a hardly audible ‘Sir’, she’d come to a stop in front of McKeen’s desk.
There had been no response, and McKeen had continued shifting through his papers, which lay haphazardly on his desk. Sofia had learned a long time ago that this was one of his sick mind games used to intimidate people, so she’d ignored his behavior completely and remained standing still in absolute silence. She’d stared at the wall behind his desk and looked at the display of recommendations, outstanding efforts, and whatever other piece of crap he’d exhibited. McKeen’s wall of fame, or better yet, ‘wall of shame’ had crossed her mind and a tiny giggle had escaped her throat.
“Did you say something, Detective?” McKeen had asked without looking up as he’d continued shuffling through his documents. Sofia had crossed her arms behind her back, and fully aware of the fact that she was playing his power game, she’d replied flatly, “Excuse me, Sir?”
“Ah, here it is.” The Undersherrif had held up a type of chart, and waving with his other hand, he’d ordered Sofia to take a seat. “Sit down, Detective. It’s time you and I had a serious talk about your performance level.”
Sofia had turned for a chair but froze when she’d heard McKeen continue disdainfully, “Better yet, the lack of it, Curtis.”
A single knock on her side window awakened the detective with a stir, but the bright smile flashed in front of her made Sofia relax instantly. While rotating her stiff neck and shoulders, she climbed out of her car and was welcomed by opened arms. Without any hesitation, Sofia stepped into the embrace she was offered.
Holding each other tightly for what seemed a lifetime, Sofia inhaled the familiar scent and tightened her grip even more firmly as tears gathered in her eyes. Soft husky-spoken words were whispered into Sofia’s left ear, “Hey stranger, where in the hell have you been? I was starting to think you’d dropped off the face of the earth completely.”
Sofia took a small step back but remained in arms length. She pushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear, before she reached out and gently wiped away the tears of the familiar face with her fingertips. “I missed you too, Catherine”.
The strawberry blonde smoothed Sofia’s shoulders with both hands and squeezed gently. Catherine pulled the other woman close again and realized she didn’t want to let her go. Sofia’s eyes were rimmed with shadows, and loneliness shimmered in them. “Oh, God, how I’ve missed you”, the criminalist murmured, while she softly caressed the back of the visibly shaken detective.
The sound of a clearing throat behind Sofia made the women step apart from each other. Looking over her shoulder, Sofia was genuinely surprised to see Jim Brass standing there, and she spontaneously hugged her former captain. With an uncharacteristically emotional voice, Brass said, “Good to see you again, Sofie,” as he somewhat clumsily clasped her back.
Sofia grinned at hearing her pet name, and on impulse, she planted a kiss squarely on his rough cheek. “The feeling is mutual, Jim.”
Watching the reunion with a smile, Catherine looped her arm through Sofia’s and bent her head close. “Time to get you to Annie’s and get some food in you. Girl, you’ve lost too much weight,” she tried to remark casually but failed to conceal her concern.
Sofia poked her in the ribs and replied in childlike tone, “Yes, Mother-dearest”.
The trio laughed aloud as they made their way across the street to Annie’s Diner, and a sudden memory had Sofia’s mouth watering with anticipation. “Does Annie still serve that delicious apple pie?”
Jim patted the blonde’s shoulder as he replied cryptically, “Well Sofia, this is your lucky day, you’re in for a treat, trust me.” Not getting his real message, she turned to Catherine for an answer, but all she got from her friend was a familiar mischievous grin. She’d just have to wait for her answer after she’d had her pie.
“That’s not eating, Detective, that’s devouring.” Catherine gasped just after Sofia swallowed the last of the biggest piece of apple pie she’d ever been served. The blonde grinned and rubbed her belly in satisfaction as Annie stepped up to their booth.
“Never mind comments, Dear,” the owner remarked, while she poured them another cup of coffee. “Who can resist Dutch apple pie anyways?”
Before a grinning Sofia could thank Annie for her support, Jim’s cell phone chirped, and recognizing the number, he slipped out of their booth and excused himself. Sofia reached for Catherine’s hands across the table, and as their hands were joined, she softly rubbed the knuckles of her friend’s slender fingers. “How did you know I was in town, Cath, because this morning at headquarters was meant as a surprise.”
The strawberry blonde kept quiet, having no idea how to respond. She’d constantly remained aware of the fact that there’d always been some sort of chemistry between her and Sofia, but now she found herself completely surprised by the impact a simple caress had on her, sending a chill down her spine. Carefully extracting her hands from Sofia’s grip, Catherine replied awkwardly, “He told me,” pointing her thumb at Brass, who was still standing near the counter answering his call.
Sofia wasn’t oblivious to her friend’s sudden awkwardness. “You and I, Cath; it never would’ve worked out and we both know why, right?”
The light tone in the detective’s voice helped Catherine to compose herself. “I know, I know,” she huffed, remembering that one night they’d practically laughed their heads off while watching ‘But I’m A Cheerleader’. Catherine used her fingers as quotation marks and continued in a more chipper tone of voice, “Because, I’m a healthy heterosexual.”
Deep down, both women knew that it wasn’t true, but it’d become their way of dealing with the fact that Sofia’s heart belonged to another, and although they’d never actually spoken about it, Catherine had recognized the love in Sofia’s eyes, and she’d known she’d never stood a chance when it came to Sara.
All Catherine wanted at this moment was to be close to Sofia, so she got up and slid next to her friend on the other side of the table. As they sat shoulder to shoulder, the investigator remarked, “There are so many things I want to ask you, I don’t even know where to start.” Looking each other in the eyes, she continued in a soft tone of voice, “I never completely understood why you left Vegas all of the sudden, Sofia,” leaving the actual question lingering in the air, “but I’m so happy to see you again.”
Sofia didn’t register the question as her memory had already drifted off, taking her back once more to that horrific night. After leaving the Undersherriff’s office, she’d been a complete mess. She’d realized she’d been way out of line, but the tension of her job during the last months, climaxing in the brutal assault on Sara‘s life, came to an violent eruption when confronted with McKeen and his surrealistic evaluation of the “Miniature killer” case and her role in it.
Sofia had left the Department in a bewildered state of mind, and when she’d rushed to her car, a desperate feeling had overtaken her so intensely that she was actually physically hurting. Things had blurred after that, and she’d returned to her right state of mind once again when she’d knocked on the familiar door and had seen the surprised look on Sara’s face. Sofia had automatically taken a step forward, but Sara had remained in place, blocking the entrance to her apartment.
“Sofia?”
Sara’s voice slowly morphed into Catherine’s as a soft pat on her hand brought Sofia back to reality. She felt a shiver crawling down her spine, and she shook her shoulders in an attempt to get rid of the sad emotions as she regarded her companion with a sincere look. She knew her friend had the right to an open, complete answer, but she realized at the same time, the whole story was too much to handle at this particular moment. For now, she was simply happy to be reunited with her friend.
Seeing the expectant look on Catherine’s face, Sofia cleared her throat and stated cynically, “Let’s put it this way - after the Miniature killer case, I was summoned by McKeen, and my career path became a bit uncertain. I called him a narcissistic son-of-a-bitch and said that he should stuff his psycho babble some place where the sun doesn’t shine.”
Catherine’s bewildered expression set off a long contained silence, and Sofia couldn’t help but laugh. Her laughter became so contagious Catherine started to smile as well, despite the fact she was still a bit in awe of her friend’s bravery. She, too, was appalled by the slime-bag of an Undersherriff and especially by the way McKeen had treated all the investigators involved with the case, but the criminalist never really considered herself that valorous, so she’d never stood up to McKeen to voice her unhappiness. He simply wasn’t worth her time.
When they finally composed themselves, Catherine inquired, “What made you return to Vegas, Sofia?” This time the detective regarded the older woman in astonishment.
“Oh, I thought the entire law enforcement was aware of the fact that my mother finally got her huge promotion.”
“As a matter of fact, that piece of information has not yet been released,” Brass remarked calmly, while he pocketed his cell phone. “And I must ask you not to relay the information publicly because of the impact it will have on some people’s careers.” Jim gave his ex-colleague a meaningful look, and Sofia sniggered, realizing that somehow, someway, everybody got what they deserved, including Undersheriff Jeffrey McKeen.
Catherine felt completely stressed out by the sudden need for secrecy, and she exclaimed in a frustrated voice, “For Pete’s sake, what the hell is going on here? What are you guys talking about?”
Sofia couldn’t help herself, and her infectious laughter filled the diner once again. When Brass joined her with his cheerful chuckle, the confusion was complete, and Catherine rested her head in the palms of her hands. “Okay, I give up,” she sighed heavily.
“Well, I don’t, at least not anymore.”
The sound of a familiar hoarse voice froze Sofia’s smile instantly, and she grabbed the edge of the table so tightly her knuckles began to turn white. As she turned her head, her heart hammered so loudly inside her chest, she was convinced that the others heard it, too. She looked into a pair of well-known hazel brown eyes and had to swallow a few times before she managed to whisper, “Sara.”
Not able to maintain eye contact, Sofia closed her eyes and found herself swept away as her memories of their last encounter played out in her mind’s eye.
“I can’t handle whatever it is right now, Sofia. I need you to leave,” Sara had said unexpectedly.
“Sara, tonight, I totally fucked up with McKeen. I may even lose my job. I need to talk to you, I need to be with you…” Sofia had come to an abrupt stop when Sara’s words had finally sunk in, although she’d barely grasped their implication.
“What do you mean, you need me to leave?” Sofia had asked, her usually confident tone sounding shaky and confused.
Sara had carefully adjusted her sling and replied in a flat tone, “Exactly what I just said. I need to be alone, I need you to leave,” but she added softly, after registering the despair in detective’s blue eyes, “Please.”
Sofia’s silence had triggered one of Sara’s worst coping mechanisms, and she’d immediately turned to anger. “Listen, Sofia, I know this Miniature case has taken a toll on each and every one of us, and I do appreciate your concern and all that you’ve done for me these past few weeks, but now it’s time for you to move on and let me go.”
Sara sighed heavily, before she’d continued in an aggravated tone, “What happened to me showed me once more that no matter what road I travel in my live, each path leads to misery in the end. So, I think it’s for the best I continue on my own, I have no other choice.”
In Sofia’s mind, Sara’s threshold had turned into a luring abyss of sheer sorrow and loneliness, but somehow she’d prevented herself from completely falling in as well by yelling, “Fuck you, Sara, and your fucked up philosophy on life, or whatever it is. No matter how badly life treats you, you can always make a choice, try to turn things around for the better - unless you’re a coward because cowards can never make up their fucking minds.”
Sofia had taken a step forward, and with their faces barely a few inches apart, she’d hissed, “And you, you do have a choice. Or are you a coward, Sara Sidle?” Turning on her heels, she’d run away, out of the apartment building and out of Sara’s life. But now it seemed that Sara had returned.
Opening her eyes, Sofia desperately tried to compose herself while Sara was being welcomed by Catherine and Brass. The possibility of running into Sara never occurred to her because she’d figured the brunette had returned to her hometown, shortly after she, herself, had left Vegas.
A huge ball of emotions ran through her, and Sofia could barely contain them. She wasn’t prepared to see the one person who’d broken her heart. The only coherent thought that frantically ran through her mind was, ‘How could she have known I was in town?’ Glancing up, she saw Brass’ innocent look, and her steely blue eyes grew big as her anger surfaced. “That phone call just now.”
Just as quickly, a claustrophobic feeling overtook her anger, and all Sofia wanted to do was flee. She couldn’t breathe and felt the need to get out of the diner into the open air. Following her instincts, Sofia jumped to her feet, and in doing so, she not only knocked over her cup of coffee, but she almost did the same to Catherine. The strawberry blonde was barely able to maintain her balance, but she was saved from falling over because of Sara’s reflexes.
Three pair of upset eyes stared at her in sheer disbelief of what just had happened, and as the silence prolonged, Sofia finally came to her senses. She looked at Brass and watched as he took a deep breath in order to respond to the situation, but she cut him short by raising her hands and calmly stating, “It’s okay, Jim. No worries. I’m sorry.”
Brass shrugged his shoulders and took a seat, murmuring to no one in particular, “This reunion, it was meant as a surprise. Women, I just don’t get them.”
Sofia turned to Catherine and cupped her friend’s face with her hand. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”
The older woman leaned into the palm of Sofia’s hand, before she took it into her own, and spoke softly, “No you don’t, Sofia, the time for running away has come to an end.” Sofia just shook her head and tried to step away from her friend, but Catherine held on to the detective’s hand and leaned in close as she whispered into the blonde’s ear, “How about this life, Sofia?”
Confusion was written all over Sofia’s face, but then she heard Catherine add, “She’s right here, honey. Don’t waste this opportunity; you’ll never know if you’ll get another chance.”
Before Sofia could react, Catherine voiced the unspoken question, “Yes, I know, I’ve known all along.” Cupping Sofia’s face with both her hands, she said, “And that, Sofia, is the reason why things couldn’t work out between you and me.” With a smile, she rested her forehead softly against her friend’s.
Gently pulling herself from Catherine’s embrace, Sofia took several calming breaths and slowly made her way over to Sara. During the past year, she’d replayed a large number of scenarios in her mind in case they’d meet again. However, now that the moment was finally here, she didn’t know what to say, let alone what to expect, as she sought the answers in Sara’s eyes, looking for anything that would give her a clue as to what direction she should take.
“I did make a choice, Sofia,” Sara said with a choked sound. “Only by the time I made it, apparently I was too late.” She looked down and fumbled a creased envelope.
Sofia’s eyes were drawn to the brunette’s twiddling, and with a pang, she recognized what was in Sara’s hands; it was the letter that had arrived the day of Sofia’s departure. Although she’d recognized Sara’s handwriting, she hadn’t opened it. At first, she’d wanted to toss it away, but as her anger had reemerged again, she’d decided to return it to Sara as some sort of a statement.
The diner had turned into complete silence as all its guests witnessed the emotional scene playing out in front of them. Completely unaware of her surroundings, but hyperaware of Sara’s presence, Sofia tearfully whispered, “I lost it, Sara. The case, all those months…. work….you…. I lost myself.”
Sara took a single step closer to narrow the distance between them as she carefully took Sofia’s trembling hand and placed the envelope in her palm. “So many months have passed, everything, and yet, at this very moment, nothing has changed, unless you’ll read my letter now, will you read it, please?” Sara whimpered.
Not taking their eyes off each other, Sofia opened the envelope wordlessly. As she moved her focus to Sara’s message, her hands started to tremble so badly the page slipped out of her fingers and floated a few feet away, coming to rest next to a customer’s feet.
With a suppressed sob, Sofia dropped her hands to Sara’s hips and pulled her close. Their eyes met again, and in their exchanged look, everything that needed to be said in that particular moment was silently conveyed, the rest would just have to wait.
A smile lit Sara’s face, and she brought her lips within a whisper of the detective’s. “You were right, Sofia. If you dare to look, if you dare to choose, ultimately, it doesn’t matter what shitty things life brings you, because it does give back something good.”
After all this time, Sara was at long last able to close the final distance, and with their bodies pressed tightly against each other, she placed a soft, single kiss on Sofia’s full lips.
As people started minding their own business again, Annie walked over to attend to a newly arrived guest when she noticed the piece of paper out of the corner of her eye. With a soft moan, she picked up the letter as a smile slowly curled her lips.
Sofia,
I try to find the words
To express my love for you
I fail miserably
So I gather 100,000 words
In one single kiss
And hopefully one day
I’ll get the chance
To place them
On your lips
Sara
Author: Karin
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Spoilers: Minor reference to 7x24 "Living doll" and 8x01 "Dead doll"
Disclaimer: CBS owns the characters.
Archiving: sure
Summary: You'll never know if you'll get another chance.
AN: Hurricanes didn't stop her for helping me out on this one.
"Ann, darandkerry, thank you, you're the best!"
Sofia Curtis parked her car at the front of her former employer’s building, and with a deep sigh, in order to control her anxiety, she turned off the car’s ignition. The sight of the CSI headquarters was so familiar that the blonde could hardly believe it had been a year since she was last here. She folded her arms around the steering wheel and rested her chin on her interlaced fingers, while she watched the comings and goings of people at the change of shifts.
It was a bright morning, and she squinted weary eyes, waiting for one particular person to exit the lab’s main doors. The morning sunrays, peeping through the windshield, started tickling at Sofia’s face, and after a few moments, the detective’s eyelids started to flutter. It was not long after that her eyes finally closed, and her mind drifted off to that particular evening twelve months ago, one which altered the course of her life unmistakably.
Barely arriving at the precinct that night and hurriedly combing her hair with both her hands as she’d tied her long blonde manes into a ponytail, Sofia had been stopped by the receptionist, who’d relayed the message to immediately step into the Undersheriff’s office before starting duty. The detective’s already bad mood, due to continuous sleep deprivation, instantly dropped a few notches and turned into ice as she swallowed a testy remark.
Apparently, she’d given the young man such a stern look with her laser-blue eyes, he’d apologetically added, “Please, when you’re ready, of course.” His nervous look reminded Sofia not to kill the messenger, and as she passed by, she’d murmured cynically, “Do not pass Go, but head directly to Jail.”
On her way to meet her superior, Sofia had continued her effort to appear at least a bit presentable as she’d tucked her shirt into her slacks and straightened her sleeves. She’d managed to suppress a yawn before stepping into Undersheriff McKeen’s office, and she’d subconsciously prepared herself for the upcoming lecture by bracing her arms under her breasts. With a short nod of her head and a hardly audible ‘Sir’, she’d come to a stop in front of McKeen’s desk.
There had been no response, and McKeen had continued shifting through his papers, which lay haphazardly on his desk. Sofia had learned a long time ago that this was one of his sick mind games used to intimidate people, so she’d ignored his behavior completely and remained standing still in absolute silence. She’d stared at the wall behind his desk and looked at the display of recommendations, outstanding efforts, and whatever other piece of crap he’d exhibited. McKeen’s wall of fame, or better yet, ‘wall of shame’ had crossed her mind and a tiny giggle had escaped her throat.
“Did you say something, Detective?” McKeen had asked without looking up as he’d continued shuffling through his documents. Sofia had crossed her arms behind her back, and fully aware of the fact that she was playing his power game, she’d replied flatly, “Excuse me, Sir?”
“Ah, here it is.” The Undersherrif had held up a type of chart, and waving with his other hand, he’d ordered Sofia to take a seat. “Sit down, Detective. It’s time you and I had a serious talk about your performance level.”
Sofia had turned for a chair but froze when she’d heard McKeen continue disdainfully, “Better yet, the lack of it, Curtis.”
A single knock on her side window awakened the detective with a stir, but the bright smile flashed in front of her made Sofia relax instantly. While rotating her stiff neck and shoulders, she climbed out of her car and was welcomed by opened arms. Without any hesitation, Sofia stepped into the embrace she was offered.
Holding each other tightly for what seemed a lifetime, Sofia inhaled the familiar scent and tightened her grip even more firmly as tears gathered in her eyes. Soft husky-spoken words were whispered into Sofia’s left ear, “Hey stranger, where in the hell have you been? I was starting to think you’d dropped off the face of the earth completely.”
Sofia took a small step back but remained in arms length. She pushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear, before she reached out and gently wiped away the tears of the familiar face with her fingertips. “I missed you too, Catherine”.
The strawberry blonde smoothed Sofia’s shoulders with both hands and squeezed gently. Catherine pulled the other woman close again and realized she didn’t want to let her go. Sofia’s eyes were rimmed with shadows, and loneliness shimmered in them. “Oh, God, how I’ve missed you”, the criminalist murmured, while she softly caressed the back of the visibly shaken detective.
The sound of a clearing throat behind Sofia made the women step apart from each other. Looking over her shoulder, Sofia was genuinely surprised to see Jim Brass standing there, and she spontaneously hugged her former captain. With an uncharacteristically emotional voice, Brass said, “Good to see you again, Sofie,” as he somewhat clumsily clasped her back.
Sofia grinned at hearing her pet name, and on impulse, she planted a kiss squarely on his rough cheek. “The feeling is mutual, Jim.”
Watching the reunion with a smile, Catherine looped her arm through Sofia’s and bent her head close. “Time to get you to Annie’s and get some food in you. Girl, you’ve lost too much weight,” she tried to remark casually but failed to conceal her concern.
Sofia poked her in the ribs and replied in childlike tone, “Yes, Mother-dearest”.
The trio laughed aloud as they made their way across the street to Annie’s Diner, and a sudden memory had Sofia’s mouth watering with anticipation. “Does Annie still serve that delicious apple pie?”
Jim patted the blonde’s shoulder as he replied cryptically, “Well Sofia, this is your lucky day, you’re in for a treat, trust me.” Not getting his real message, she turned to Catherine for an answer, but all she got from her friend was a familiar mischievous grin. She’d just have to wait for her answer after she’d had her pie.
“That’s not eating, Detective, that’s devouring.” Catherine gasped just after Sofia swallowed the last of the biggest piece of apple pie she’d ever been served. The blonde grinned and rubbed her belly in satisfaction as Annie stepped up to their booth.
“Never mind comments, Dear,” the owner remarked, while she poured them another cup of coffee. “Who can resist Dutch apple pie anyways?”
Before a grinning Sofia could thank Annie for her support, Jim’s cell phone chirped, and recognizing the number, he slipped out of their booth and excused himself. Sofia reached for Catherine’s hands across the table, and as their hands were joined, she softly rubbed the knuckles of her friend’s slender fingers. “How did you know I was in town, Cath, because this morning at headquarters was meant as a surprise.”
The strawberry blonde kept quiet, having no idea how to respond. She’d constantly remained aware of the fact that there’d always been some sort of chemistry between her and Sofia, but now she found herself completely surprised by the impact a simple caress had on her, sending a chill down her spine. Carefully extracting her hands from Sofia’s grip, Catherine replied awkwardly, “He told me,” pointing her thumb at Brass, who was still standing near the counter answering his call.
Sofia wasn’t oblivious to her friend’s sudden awkwardness. “You and I, Cath; it never would’ve worked out and we both know why, right?”
The light tone in the detective’s voice helped Catherine to compose herself. “I know, I know,” she huffed, remembering that one night they’d practically laughed their heads off while watching ‘But I’m A Cheerleader’. Catherine used her fingers as quotation marks and continued in a more chipper tone of voice, “Because, I’m a healthy heterosexual.”
Deep down, both women knew that it wasn’t true, but it’d become their way of dealing with the fact that Sofia’s heart belonged to another, and although they’d never actually spoken about it, Catherine had recognized the love in Sofia’s eyes, and she’d known she’d never stood a chance when it came to Sara.
All Catherine wanted at this moment was to be close to Sofia, so she got up and slid next to her friend on the other side of the table. As they sat shoulder to shoulder, the investigator remarked, “There are so many things I want to ask you, I don’t even know where to start.” Looking each other in the eyes, she continued in a soft tone of voice, “I never completely understood why you left Vegas all of the sudden, Sofia,” leaving the actual question lingering in the air, “but I’m so happy to see you again.”
Sofia didn’t register the question as her memory had already drifted off, taking her back once more to that horrific night. After leaving the Undersherriff’s office, she’d been a complete mess. She’d realized she’d been way out of line, but the tension of her job during the last months, climaxing in the brutal assault on Sara‘s life, came to an violent eruption when confronted with McKeen and his surrealistic evaluation of the “Miniature killer” case and her role in it.
Sofia had left the Department in a bewildered state of mind, and when she’d rushed to her car, a desperate feeling had overtaken her so intensely that she was actually physically hurting. Things had blurred after that, and she’d returned to her right state of mind once again when she’d knocked on the familiar door and had seen the surprised look on Sara’s face. Sofia had automatically taken a step forward, but Sara had remained in place, blocking the entrance to her apartment.
“Sofia?”
Sara’s voice slowly morphed into Catherine’s as a soft pat on her hand brought Sofia back to reality. She felt a shiver crawling down her spine, and she shook her shoulders in an attempt to get rid of the sad emotions as she regarded her companion with a sincere look. She knew her friend had the right to an open, complete answer, but she realized at the same time, the whole story was too much to handle at this particular moment. For now, she was simply happy to be reunited with her friend.
Seeing the expectant look on Catherine’s face, Sofia cleared her throat and stated cynically, “Let’s put it this way - after the Miniature killer case, I was summoned by McKeen, and my career path became a bit uncertain. I called him a narcissistic son-of-a-bitch and said that he should stuff his psycho babble some place where the sun doesn’t shine.”
Catherine’s bewildered expression set off a long contained silence, and Sofia couldn’t help but laugh. Her laughter became so contagious Catherine started to smile as well, despite the fact she was still a bit in awe of her friend’s bravery. She, too, was appalled by the slime-bag of an Undersherriff and especially by the way McKeen had treated all the investigators involved with the case, but the criminalist never really considered herself that valorous, so she’d never stood up to McKeen to voice her unhappiness. He simply wasn’t worth her time.
When they finally composed themselves, Catherine inquired, “What made you return to Vegas, Sofia?” This time the detective regarded the older woman in astonishment.
“Oh, I thought the entire law enforcement was aware of the fact that my mother finally got her huge promotion.”
“As a matter of fact, that piece of information has not yet been released,” Brass remarked calmly, while he pocketed his cell phone. “And I must ask you not to relay the information publicly because of the impact it will have on some people’s careers.” Jim gave his ex-colleague a meaningful look, and Sofia sniggered, realizing that somehow, someway, everybody got what they deserved, including Undersheriff Jeffrey McKeen.
Catherine felt completely stressed out by the sudden need for secrecy, and she exclaimed in a frustrated voice, “For Pete’s sake, what the hell is going on here? What are you guys talking about?”
Sofia couldn’t help herself, and her infectious laughter filled the diner once again. When Brass joined her with his cheerful chuckle, the confusion was complete, and Catherine rested her head in the palms of her hands. “Okay, I give up,” she sighed heavily.
“Well, I don’t, at least not anymore.”
The sound of a familiar hoarse voice froze Sofia’s smile instantly, and she grabbed the edge of the table so tightly her knuckles began to turn white. As she turned her head, her heart hammered so loudly inside her chest, she was convinced that the others heard it, too. She looked into a pair of well-known hazel brown eyes and had to swallow a few times before she managed to whisper, “Sara.”
Not able to maintain eye contact, Sofia closed her eyes and found herself swept away as her memories of their last encounter played out in her mind’s eye.
“I can’t handle whatever it is right now, Sofia. I need you to leave,” Sara had said unexpectedly.
“Sara, tonight, I totally fucked up with McKeen. I may even lose my job. I need to talk to you, I need to be with you…” Sofia had come to an abrupt stop when Sara’s words had finally sunk in, although she’d barely grasped their implication.
“What do you mean, you need me to leave?” Sofia had asked, her usually confident tone sounding shaky and confused.
Sara had carefully adjusted her sling and replied in a flat tone, “Exactly what I just said. I need to be alone, I need you to leave,” but she added softly, after registering the despair in detective’s blue eyes, “Please.”
Sofia’s silence had triggered one of Sara’s worst coping mechanisms, and she’d immediately turned to anger. “Listen, Sofia, I know this Miniature case has taken a toll on each and every one of us, and I do appreciate your concern and all that you’ve done for me these past few weeks, but now it’s time for you to move on and let me go.”
Sara sighed heavily, before she’d continued in an aggravated tone, “What happened to me showed me once more that no matter what road I travel in my live, each path leads to misery in the end. So, I think it’s for the best I continue on my own, I have no other choice.”
In Sofia’s mind, Sara’s threshold had turned into a luring abyss of sheer sorrow and loneliness, but somehow she’d prevented herself from completely falling in as well by yelling, “Fuck you, Sara, and your fucked up philosophy on life, or whatever it is. No matter how badly life treats you, you can always make a choice, try to turn things around for the better - unless you’re a coward because cowards can never make up their fucking minds.”
Sofia had taken a step forward, and with their faces barely a few inches apart, she’d hissed, “And you, you do have a choice. Or are you a coward, Sara Sidle?” Turning on her heels, she’d run away, out of the apartment building and out of Sara’s life. But now it seemed that Sara had returned.
Opening her eyes, Sofia desperately tried to compose herself while Sara was being welcomed by Catherine and Brass. The possibility of running into Sara never occurred to her because she’d figured the brunette had returned to her hometown, shortly after she, herself, had left Vegas.
A huge ball of emotions ran through her, and Sofia could barely contain them. She wasn’t prepared to see the one person who’d broken her heart. The only coherent thought that frantically ran through her mind was, ‘How could she have known I was in town?’ Glancing up, she saw Brass’ innocent look, and her steely blue eyes grew big as her anger surfaced. “That phone call just now.”
Just as quickly, a claustrophobic feeling overtook her anger, and all Sofia wanted to do was flee. She couldn’t breathe and felt the need to get out of the diner into the open air. Following her instincts, Sofia jumped to her feet, and in doing so, she not only knocked over her cup of coffee, but she almost did the same to Catherine. The strawberry blonde was barely able to maintain her balance, but she was saved from falling over because of Sara’s reflexes.
Three pair of upset eyes stared at her in sheer disbelief of what just had happened, and as the silence prolonged, Sofia finally came to her senses. She looked at Brass and watched as he took a deep breath in order to respond to the situation, but she cut him short by raising her hands and calmly stating, “It’s okay, Jim. No worries. I’m sorry.”
Brass shrugged his shoulders and took a seat, murmuring to no one in particular, “This reunion, it was meant as a surprise. Women, I just don’t get them.”
Sofia turned to Catherine and cupped her friend’s face with her hand. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”
The older woman leaned into the palm of Sofia’s hand, before she took it into her own, and spoke softly, “No you don’t, Sofia, the time for running away has come to an end.” Sofia just shook her head and tried to step away from her friend, but Catherine held on to the detective’s hand and leaned in close as she whispered into the blonde’s ear, “How about this life, Sofia?”
Confusion was written all over Sofia’s face, but then she heard Catherine add, “She’s right here, honey. Don’t waste this opportunity; you’ll never know if you’ll get another chance.”
Before Sofia could react, Catherine voiced the unspoken question, “Yes, I know, I’ve known all along.” Cupping Sofia’s face with both her hands, she said, “And that, Sofia, is the reason why things couldn’t work out between you and me.” With a smile, she rested her forehead softly against her friend’s.
Gently pulling herself from Catherine’s embrace, Sofia took several calming breaths and slowly made her way over to Sara. During the past year, she’d replayed a large number of scenarios in her mind in case they’d meet again. However, now that the moment was finally here, she didn’t know what to say, let alone what to expect, as she sought the answers in Sara’s eyes, looking for anything that would give her a clue as to what direction she should take.
“I did make a choice, Sofia,” Sara said with a choked sound. “Only by the time I made it, apparently I was too late.” She looked down and fumbled a creased envelope.
Sofia’s eyes were drawn to the brunette’s twiddling, and with a pang, she recognized what was in Sara’s hands; it was the letter that had arrived the day of Sofia’s departure. Although she’d recognized Sara’s handwriting, she hadn’t opened it. At first, she’d wanted to toss it away, but as her anger had reemerged again, she’d decided to return it to Sara as some sort of a statement.
The diner had turned into complete silence as all its guests witnessed the emotional scene playing out in front of them. Completely unaware of her surroundings, but hyperaware of Sara’s presence, Sofia tearfully whispered, “I lost it, Sara. The case, all those months…. work….you…. I lost myself.”
Sara took a single step closer to narrow the distance between them as she carefully took Sofia’s trembling hand and placed the envelope in her palm. “So many months have passed, everything, and yet, at this very moment, nothing has changed, unless you’ll read my letter now, will you read it, please?” Sara whimpered.
Not taking their eyes off each other, Sofia opened the envelope wordlessly. As she moved her focus to Sara’s message, her hands started to tremble so badly the page slipped out of her fingers and floated a few feet away, coming to rest next to a customer’s feet.
With a suppressed sob, Sofia dropped her hands to Sara’s hips and pulled her close. Their eyes met again, and in their exchanged look, everything that needed to be said in that particular moment was silently conveyed, the rest would just have to wait.
A smile lit Sara’s face, and she brought her lips within a whisper of the detective’s. “You were right, Sofia. If you dare to look, if you dare to choose, ultimately, it doesn’t matter what shitty things life brings you, because it does give back something good.”
After all this time, Sara was at long last able to close the final distance, and with their bodies pressed tightly against each other, she placed a soft, single kiss on Sofia’s full lips.
As people started minding their own business again, Annie walked over to attend to a newly arrived guest when she noticed the piece of paper out of the corner of her eye. With a soft moan, she picked up the letter as a smile slowly curled her lips.
Sofia,
I try to find the words
To express my love for you
I fail miserably
So I gather 100,000 words
In one single kiss
And hopefully one day
I’ll get the chance
To place them
On your lips
Sara