(no subject)
i dont know anymore. i really feel like i should just let go and let it be. i know a piece of me will be missing but i cant live like this. with the paranoia and the nightmares.. it hurts so bad. and its like he gave up trying to prove himself.. things arent good what the hellare you doing? you fucked up before it even got close. im not going the extra mile anymore. i wont do it. i miss dana, i know shes mad and she is really the only one i willallow to say anything. fuck everyone else, you ALL have no fucking right so dont start what you deffffffff wont finish. i want him with me so bad but at the same time i want him tobehome and for him to miss me and know its his fault again. ad like, i know ill be paranoid but fuck it. if hes gonna go back then he needs to do it soon so i can just give up on him. i feel it slowly happening.. maybe i just want it so bad that i force myself tofeel it? i should just leave but the girl in me wants him to come soooooooooooooooooooooo bad.. i fucking hate this. i need to be strong. i need to stand my ground. he wants to behome, be home. a stupid party is more important than a 4 day weekend of fun, so be it. whatever happens happens. iknow in the end i will get hurt badly, but i know in life he will be the one with the regrets.