(no subject)
i can't do this. i know i won't kill myself because of how selfish a gesture it is. but it's appealing. i cry all the time. i want to take a scar for every time. i cut for the first time in like two years a few weeks ago. it felt so. fucking. good. and the blood. the visceral red blood. it was deep. and on my arm. i haven't done on my arm since like sophomore year. easy to hide since its winter and i'm always in long sleeves and hoodies. nobodies noticed. i told pam. i'm the most depressed i get.