(no subject)
So much time goes between these that I wonder why I am always drawn back to update. Perhaps it's because I enjoy the retrospective when reading back years later, or perhaps I just need somewhere to vent. And, of course, I am far more articulate in writing than I ever hope to be in person.
Long story short: my doctor has advised that I seek counseling for what she believes is depression. My life has spun into areas I never thought they would just two short years ago, and the longer I ignored what surrounded me the worse it became. Just hearing that word was a relief, a confirmation that there is something not right - and that by there being something wrong, there is room to feel right again. It's not going to be a quick journey, and will require a lot of outward change. But this awful feeling, this weight that has settled is finally starting to shift, and I welcome all of the feelings good or bad that come along with this change. I just long for life to be as vivid as it used to feel to me, because I've settled for greyscale for too long.
I am playing Mimi in the Canadian regional premier of Rent. I'm not over it yet. What do you do when someone takes a long-held dream of yours and hands it to you years before you've ever imagined living it? I am all of a sudden freaking the hell out about my looks, my voice, my chops. In a good way though - it's a challenge I am so excited to face and can't believe will come so soon. I'm pretty sure most of my entries will deal with Rent, so I'll leave it here for now. Monday is our first rehearsal. And in case I haven't shouted it to you at some point? OH... MY... GOD!! Spring Awakening also starts on Monday. I am so excited by the incredible cast that we've assembled and a concept that continues to take shape and exciting promise. I can't wait to get started.
Also, as much as no one likes mushy lovey ramblings, I must say that Arlen is the best thing that ever happened to me. I will never know what I did to deserve someone so kind, funny, smart, sweet, and patient. Of course, as with any normal relationship, we are not sunshine and buttercups every day but it's pretty damn close. I credit him with keeping me together this year, and for encouraging me to seek help. I only hope I can be as good to him as he is to me. I am a lucky girl. Has Arlen driven you somewhere? Helped you move? Sold tickets for your show? Build a set for your show? The answer is probably yes. So why the hell not, I'm going to totally plug his band to the 4 people who read this: The Saints Collapse are in the top 20 of the CFOX Seeds contest, and they need your vote - go look at the website, listen to the supergreat music, and vote for them. :) Awkward LJ plug activate!
Okay I am tired. I just binged on Goldfish crackers while lying in bed and feel a little bit pathetic. Goodnight.
Long story short: my doctor has advised that I seek counseling for what she believes is depression. My life has spun into areas I never thought they would just two short years ago, and the longer I ignored what surrounded me the worse it became. Just hearing that word was a relief, a confirmation that there is something not right - and that by there being something wrong, there is room to feel right again. It's not going to be a quick journey, and will require a lot of outward change. But this awful feeling, this weight that has settled is finally starting to shift, and I welcome all of the feelings good or bad that come along with this change. I just long for life to be as vivid as it used to feel to me, because I've settled for greyscale for too long.
I am playing Mimi in the Canadian regional premier of Rent. I'm not over it yet. What do you do when someone takes a long-held dream of yours and hands it to you years before you've ever imagined living it? I am all of a sudden freaking the hell out about my looks, my voice, my chops. In a good way though - it's a challenge I am so excited to face and can't believe will come so soon. I'm pretty sure most of my entries will deal with Rent, so I'll leave it here for now. Monday is our first rehearsal. And in case I haven't shouted it to you at some point? OH... MY... GOD!! Spring Awakening also starts on Monday. I am so excited by the incredible cast that we've assembled and a concept that continues to take shape and exciting promise. I can't wait to get started.
Also, as much as no one likes mushy lovey ramblings, I must say that Arlen is the best thing that ever happened to me. I will never know what I did to deserve someone so kind, funny, smart, sweet, and patient. Of course, as with any normal relationship, we are not sunshine and buttercups every day but it's pretty damn close. I credit him with keeping me together this year, and for encouraging me to seek help. I only hope I can be as good to him as he is to me. I am a lucky girl. Has Arlen driven you somewhere? Helped you move? Sold tickets for your show? Build a set for your show? The answer is probably yes. So why the hell not, I'm going to totally plug his band to the 4 people who read this: The Saints Collapse are in the top 20 of the CFOX Seeds contest, and they need your vote - go look at the website, listen to the supergreat music, and vote for them. :) Awkward LJ plug activate!
Okay I am tired. I just binged on Goldfish crackers while lying in bed and feel a little bit pathetic. Goodnight.