im so over you
Diving in to our senior year yearbook it felt as if I was swimming underneath the surface of our memories. So many friends, so many enemies, so many amazing times. I know that I was not there for 68 days [the grand total of my absences] but I could not be. I simply was not myself senior year and I remember every day waking up wondering if it was going to be different from the last. I always felt the same with this unique anxiety overcoming the person I was. It got to the point in which I would not go to school because I hated when people asked me where I had been or tell me that I was going to fail or not even graduate. I hated the looks of disgust on my teachers faces, I hated the questions, the probing and poking, but most of all I hated myself. I hated myself because I could not be there. I hated myself because I missed out close to everything. I hated myself because I was somebody else.
At one point during the school year I was on five different anti-depressants. I would sleep for days and I lost chunks of weight which I could not control. Say its not so but I K Gun Guns, am a control freak. Think of my life as the last cycle on a washing machine. The clothes spin so fast that they get stuck to the outside ridding them of any moisture. Now try grabbing one item in the machine while its going. Once your hand goes into the washer you can feel the air whipping around the center piece and the clothes feel like shards of glass kissing your skin. Now imagine hundreds of people around you asking questions like; what are you doing? Are you crazy? Then some of them stating; you are going to fail or you will never graduate [to the dryer]. I just wanted high school to be over as soon as fucking possible.
And now it is. Now I am at McIntosh College in Dover and it is going well. I have my own apartment with michelle and that is going well. I work fulltime in Maine at the gap which is ok only sometimes when there is a blue moon in the sky. Well right now it is 4:40 am and I am doing work for school at school. I should get back to work now but leave me a comment if you want to hang out or something sometime.
I love and miss you guys in g-city.
At one point during the school year I was on five different anti-depressants. I would sleep for days and I lost chunks of weight which I could not control. Say its not so but I K Gun Guns, am a control freak. Think of my life as the last cycle on a washing machine. The clothes spin so fast that they get stuck to the outside ridding them of any moisture. Now try grabbing one item in the machine while its going. Once your hand goes into the washer you can feel the air whipping around the center piece and the clothes feel like shards of glass kissing your skin. Now imagine hundreds of people around you asking questions like; what are you doing? Are you crazy? Then some of them stating; you are going to fail or you will never graduate [to the dryer]. I just wanted high school to be over as soon as fucking possible.
And now it is. Now I am at McIntosh College in Dover and it is going well. I have my own apartment with michelle and that is going well. I work fulltime in Maine at the gap which is ok only sometimes when there is a blue moon in the sky. Well right now it is 4:40 am and I am doing work for school at school. I should get back to work now but leave me a comment if you want to hang out or something sometime.
I love and miss you guys in g-city.