Fanfic - Counting Stars: Concern [Torchwood: Jack, Gwen]
Title: Concern
Rating(s): PG-13
Characters/Pairing(s): Gwen, Jack
Warning(s): Spoilers for Counting Stars, and all attendant changes etc made to canon within that ‘verse.
Summary: Gwen has a question, Jack talks philosophy, and Ianto wants his suit cleaned.
Author's Notes: Counting Stars-verse - click here for the Master List. For those who don't want to read it, all you need to know for this fic is that Jack and Ianto have a telepathic connection, and at one point in Counting Stars, the option of an improved Retcon is offered to the survivors of Torchwood One. Only Ianto and Jack are aware of this.
Concern
“Jack? Do you have a minute?”
Jack tossed one more scrunched-up ball of paper and watched intently as it hit the rim of the bin and bounced in. “Two points,” he declared happily, dropping his feet off the edge of his table and swivelling in his chair to meet Gwen’s amused eyes. “As you can see,” he said. “I’m in the midst of very important work, but I can make some time for you.”
“Thanks,” she said, laughing as she closed the door behind her and sat down.
“What’s on your mind?” Jack asked.
Gwen hesitated. “Um,” she said. “A few questions.”
“That tone of voice doesn’t bode well,” Jack observed.
“I don’t know if this is going to be like Flat Holm,” Gwen admitted. “If I’ll be happier not knowing.”
“What’s it about?” Jack asked mildly.
“Ianto, in a way,” Gwen said. “I was wondering where it was he kept disappearing off to, when he’d take trips up to London. It seemed a bit odd -”
“Ah,” Jack said. He thought about it for a moment. “No, you probably won’t like knowing the truth.”
“Do I need to?” Gwen asked uncertainly.
“No,” Jack said. “Out of curiosity, what do you think he’s up to?”
“The thing is,” Gwen said, “I didn’t really think that much of it until I went to get some Retcon yesterday - remember, that girl who found the spaceship - anyway, I saw the logs then, and I realised Ianto’d been taking out Retcon quite regularly. And then I remembered one of the dates as one he’d gone to London for, because that was my best friend’s birthday and I’d thought of asking for the afternoon off but I decided not to since we’d be one person down, and then I started wondering and I checked the logs and sure enough, the dates all matched up…”
Jack grinned at his desk as Gwen came to a nervous stop in her rambling. “Wonderful detective work, Ms Cooper,” he admitted. “Yes, he’s been going up there to administer Retcon. Yes, he has approval, yes, it’s Torchwood work. And I don’t think it’ll hurt you as much as Flat Holm did to know what it’s about, but I do think you’ll be much happier not knowing. So.”
“So,” Gwen echoed.
Jack spread his hands. “Up to you, Gwen. If you want me to tell you, I will. Not in too much detail, I think, but I can at least give you the basics.”
“Maybe,” Gwen said slowly. She didn’t meet his eyes. “You could just outline it for me, for now.”
“Torchwood London went down spectacularly,” Jack said. “There were very few survivors. Those who got out - not all of them wanted to keep their memories.”
Gwen jerked slightly in shock.
“Retcon, in high doses, alters personalities,” Jack said gently. “And usually for the worse. Shorter tempers, poorer focus, that sort of thing. And for them, it would have been a very high dose.”
“That new version Owen came up with last year,” Gwen murmured.
“Exactly,” Jack said. “We gave them the choice. Some turned it down.”
“Some didn’t,” Gwen finished.
Jack inclined his head.
“I don’t understand,” Gwen said, her voice tiny and bewildered. “It’s been so long. Why would they choose to lose everything since then -”
“I’m not saying I know what they’re thinking,” Jack said. “But I imagine it’s a matter of whether the good outweighs the bad, or the other way around.”
Gwen sighed and leaned back in her seat. “You’re saying that for some of them… even a few years isn’t enough time.”
“Not enough good time,” Jack agreed. “Truth is, Gwen -” he hesitated.
“Truth is?” Gwen pressed.
“I try and shield you from some of the things out there,” Jack finished reluctantly. “We’ll probably never have to worry about an attack from Cybermen or Daleks again, so I never wanted you to know exactly what they’re capable of. What they did at Torchwood London.”
Gwen’s eyes were fixed on Jack’s, but the look in them was much more understanding than Jack had thought it would be. “Andy told me, once,” she said, “that I’m different now. That Torchwood had hardened me.”
Jack winced.
“You don’t want it to do any more than it has to,” Gwen said reflectively.
“I wish it didn’t do it to all of you,” Jack admitted quietly. “Of all of you, though, you’re the easiest to shield. Owen’s the next easiest - as our doctor he’s got access to certain medical records that don’t paint a very pretty picture, but in real life, he doesn’t usually see the absolute worst.”
“Toshiko and Ianto?” Gwen asked.
“Have both seen too much, in different ways,” Jack said. “I think maybe that’s why they get along. I try and help where I can, but with them… there’s not as much I can do.”
Gwen bit her lip and looked down. “I think I get that,” she said softly. “It’s what I do with Rhys, isn’t it? Just - different degrees of information.”
Jack rested his elbows on the table, and his chin in his hands, and watched her.
“Oh,” Gwen said finally, in realisation. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Jack said softly. He’d known she’d get it eventually. It was a tricky balancing act he was constantly engaged in - making sure that his team had enough information not to get killed out there, but keeping information from them that would break them quicker, ruin them. Whatever they might say, they were all innocent in a sense, and Jack wanted desperately to preserve whatever was left of that innocence. If that meant playing his cards close to his chest, that was what he’d do. If that in turn meant he eventually began to live a life of secrets, it was something he’d deal with.
“I’m sorry,” Gwen murmured. Jack glanced away from the look of compassion she was giving him.
“So am I,” he said.
“Is it enough?” Gwen asked. Jack tilted his head questioningly. “Protecting us like you do. Giving up yourself to do that. Is there anything left for you? Is it enough, what you’ve got for yourself?”
Jack smiled a very small smile. “Enough to be going on for now,” he said. “Thank you for asking.”
Gwen shrugged, then sighed. “I suppose Ianto will rein you in if you get too self-sacrificial,” she said reflectively. “Actually, I’d best go tell him that.”
“Telling tales already?” Jack asked, half-amused, half-outraged.
Gwen gave him the sweetest, most innocent smile she could muster. “It’s very good of you to look after us, Jack,” she said. “But you’d best remember you need looking after too.”
“I’m certainly not arguing with that,” Ianto said as he entered the office. “Like a child, this one.”
“Are you still mad about yesterday?” Jack demanded. “I apologised! A lot!”
“You spilled a plateful of marinara sauce and pasta on my best suit,” Ianto said, putting Jack’s coffee down on the table. “You’ll be apologising a lot more, believe me.”
Gwen tried and failed to hold back a snort of laughter. Ianto’s eyes were definitely amused when he turned to her, despite the look of annoyance on his face.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt, sorry,” he said as he handed over her cup. “Just wanted to get these to you while they’re still hot.”
“Thanks, love,” she said, beaming at him. “Actually, I think we’re about done here. Thanks for hearing me out, Jack.”
“You’re welcome,” Jack said, sipping at his coffee. Then his face twisted in outrage. “Ianto! Is this instant?”
“Haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” Ianto said blandly, heading out the door.
“Chocolate and good wine,” Gwen advised a chagrined Jack. She darted out the door after Ianto. “Hey, wait up, Ianto!”
Jack took another gulp of coffee. This was the team he had - tattling on him, and feeding him instant coffee. Wonderful, wonderful people.
Do finish your paperwork, Ianto’s mental voice came to him exasperatedly. You’ve been putting it off for weeks!
Tattling, instant-coffee-feeding, paperwork-demanding soul-stealers. Jack couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he got back to work.
~fin
It's been a while, everyone! I had to re-write this one a couple of times before I was happy with how Gwen came out. I really wanted to stay true to the development I hope I allowed her by the end of Counting Stars. I also haven't had much time to write at all lately (and it looks like I'll be busy at least for a couple more months), so I don't know when I'll next be able to post something. Sorry, but I hope you like this in the meantime.
Given RL stuff, I really don't know if I'll be able to respond to comments either - I certainly haven't had much time for the past few things I've posted. I do read and appreciate every comment I get though, so here's a pre-emptive thank you to everyone who reviews! =D
Rating(s): PG-13
Characters/Pairing(s): Gwen, Jack
Warning(s): Spoilers for Counting Stars, and all attendant changes etc made to canon within that ‘verse.
Summary: Gwen has a question, Jack talks philosophy, and Ianto wants his suit cleaned.
Author's Notes: Counting Stars-verse - click here for the Master List. For those who don't want to read it, all you need to know for this fic is that Jack and Ianto have a telepathic connection, and at one point in Counting Stars, the option of an improved Retcon is offered to the survivors of Torchwood One. Only Ianto and Jack are aware of this.
Concern
“Jack? Do you have a minute?”
Jack tossed one more scrunched-up ball of paper and watched intently as it hit the rim of the bin and bounced in. “Two points,” he declared happily, dropping his feet off the edge of his table and swivelling in his chair to meet Gwen’s amused eyes. “As you can see,” he said. “I’m in the midst of very important work, but I can make some time for you.”
“Thanks,” she said, laughing as she closed the door behind her and sat down.
“What’s on your mind?” Jack asked.
Gwen hesitated. “Um,” she said. “A few questions.”
“That tone of voice doesn’t bode well,” Jack observed.
“I don’t know if this is going to be like Flat Holm,” Gwen admitted. “If I’ll be happier not knowing.”
“What’s it about?” Jack asked mildly.
“Ianto, in a way,” Gwen said. “I was wondering where it was he kept disappearing off to, when he’d take trips up to London. It seemed a bit odd -”
“Ah,” Jack said. He thought about it for a moment. “No, you probably won’t like knowing the truth.”
“Do I need to?” Gwen asked uncertainly.
“No,” Jack said. “Out of curiosity, what do you think he’s up to?”
“The thing is,” Gwen said, “I didn’t really think that much of it until I went to get some Retcon yesterday - remember, that girl who found the spaceship - anyway, I saw the logs then, and I realised Ianto’d been taking out Retcon quite regularly. And then I remembered one of the dates as one he’d gone to London for, because that was my best friend’s birthday and I’d thought of asking for the afternoon off but I decided not to since we’d be one person down, and then I started wondering and I checked the logs and sure enough, the dates all matched up…”
Jack grinned at his desk as Gwen came to a nervous stop in her rambling. “Wonderful detective work, Ms Cooper,” he admitted. “Yes, he’s been going up there to administer Retcon. Yes, he has approval, yes, it’s Torchwood work. And I don’t think it’ll hurt you as much as Flat Holm did to know what it’s about, but I do think you’ll be much happier not knowing. So.”
“So,” Gwen echoed.
Jack spread his hands. “Up to you, Gwen. If you want me to tell you, I will. Not in too much detail, I think, but I can at least give you the basics.”
“Maybe,” Gwen said slowly. She didn’t meet his eyes. “You could just outline it for me, for now.”
“Torchwood London went down spectacularly,” Jack said. “There were very few survivors. Those who got out - not all of them wanted to keep their memories.”
Gwen jerked slightly in shock.
“Retcon, in high doses, alters personalities,” Jack said gently. “And usually for the worse. Shorter tempers, poorer focus, that sort of thing. And for them, it would have been a very high dose.”
“That new version Owen came up with last year,” Gwen murmured.
“Exactly,” Jack said. “We gave them the choice. Some turned it down.”
“Some didn’t,” Gwen finished.
Jack inclined his head.
“I don’t understand,” Gwen said, her voice tiny and bewildered. “It’s been so long. Why would they choose to lose everything since then -”
“I’m not saying I know what they’re thinking,” Jack said. “But I imagine it’s a matter of whether the good outweighs the bad, or the other way around.”
Gwen sighed and leaned back in her seat. “You’re saying that for some of them… even a few years isn’t enough time.”
“Not enough good time,” Jack agreed. “Truth is, Gwen -” he hesitated.
“Truth is?” Gwen pressed.
“I try and shield you from some of the things out there,” Jack finished reluctantly. “We’ll probably never have to worry about an attack from Cybermen or Daleks again, so I never wanted you to know exactly what they’re capable of. What they did at Torchwood London.”
Gwen’s eyes were fixed on Jack’s, but the look in them was much more understanding than Jack had thought it would be. “Andy told me, once,” she said, “that I’m different now. That Torchwood had hardened me.”
Jack winced.
“You don’t want it to do any more than it has to,” Gwen said reflectively.
“I wish it didn’t do it to all of you,” Jack admitted quietly. “Of all of you, though, you’re the easiest to shield. Owen’s the next easiest - as our doctor he’s got access to certain medical records that don’t paint a very pretty picture, but in real life, he doesn’t usually see the absolute worst.”
“Toshiko and Ianto?” Gwen asked.
“Have both seen too much, in different ways,” Jack said. “I think maybe that’s why they get along. I try and help where I can, but with them… there’s not as much I can do.”
Gwen bit her lip and looked down. “I think I get that,” she said softly. “It’s what I do with Rhys, isn’t it? Just - different degrees of information.”
Jack rested his elbows on the table, and his chin in his hands, and watched her.
“Oh,” Gwen said finally, in realisation. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Jack said softly. He’d known she’d get it eventually. It was a tricky balancing act he was constantly engaged in - making sure that his team had enough information not to get killed out there, but keeping information from them that would break them quicker, ruin them. Whatever they might say, they were all innocent in a sense, and Jack wanted desperately to preserve whatever was left of that innocence. If that meant playing his cards close to his chest, that was what he’d do. If that in turn meant he eventually began to live a life of secrets, it was something he’d deal with.
“I’m sorry,” Gwen murmured. Jack glanced away from the look of compassion she was giving him.
“So am I,” he said.
“Is it enough?” Gwen asked. Jack tilted his head questioningly. “Protecting us like you do. Giving up yourself to do that. Is there anything left for you? Is it enough, what you’ve got for yourself?”
Jack smiled a very small smile. “Enough to be going on for now,” he said. “Thank you for asking.”
Gwen shrugged, then sighed. “I suppose Ianto will rein you in if you get too self-sacrificial,” she said reflectively. “Actually, I’d best go tell him that.”
“Telling tales already?” Jack asked, half-amused, half-outraged.
Gwen gave him the sweetest, most innocent smile she could muster. “It’s very good of you to look after us, Jack,” she said. “But you’d best remember you need looking after too.”
“I’m certainly not arguing with that,” Ianto said as he entered the office. “Like a child, this one.”
“Are you still mad about yesterday?” Jack demanded. “I apologised! A lot!”
“You spilled a plateful of marinara sauce and pasta on my best suit,” Ianto said, putting Jack’s coffee down on the table. “You’ll be apologising a lot more, believe me.”
Gwen tried and failed to hold back a snort of laughter. Ianto’s eyes were definitely amused when he turned to her, despite the look of annoyance on his face.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt, sorry,” he said as he handed over her cup. “Just wanted to get these to you while they’re still hot.”
“Thanks, love,” she said, beaming at him. “Actually, I think we’re about done here. Thanks for hearing me out, Jack.”
“You’re welcome,” Jack said, sipping at his coffee. Then his face twisted in outrage. “Ianto! Is this instant?”
“Haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” Ianto said blandly, heading out the door.
“Chocolate and good wine,” Gwen advised a chagrined Jack. She darted out the door after Ianto. “Hey, wait up, Ianto!”
Jack took another gulp of coffee. This was the team he had - tattling on him, and feeding him instant coffee. Wonderful, wonderful people.
Do finish your paperwork, Ianto’s mental voice came to him exasperatedly. You’ve been putting it off for weeks!
Tattling, instant-coffee-feeding, paperwork-demanding soul-stealers. Jack couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he got back to work.
~fin
It's been a while, everyone! I had to re-write this one a couple of times before I was happy with how Gwen came out. I really wanted to stay true to the development I hope I allowed her by the end of Counting Stars. I also haven't had much time to write at all lately (and it looks like I'll be busy at least for a couple more months), so I don't know when I'll next be able to post something. Sorry, but I hope you like this in the meantime.
Given RL stuff, I really don't know if I'll be able to respond to comments either - I certainly haven't had much time for the past few things I've posted. I do read and appreciate every comment I get though, so here's a pre-emptive thank you to everyone who reviews! =D