Fanfic - Never Without A Reason [Torchwood: Ianto, Owen]
Title: Never Without A Reason
Rating(s): PG-13
Characters/Pairing(s): Ianto, Owen, background Jack/Ianto
Summary: Five times Ianto wanted to punch Owen but didn't, and one time he did.
Author's Notes: Entirely canon-compliant, with specific reference to the events of (in order) Cyberwoman, Small Worlds, Captain Jack Harkness, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, A Day In The Death and Exit Wounds.
Also, Areale made me do it.
Never Without A Reason
Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. - Benjamin Franklin
one:
mistaken identity
Ianto does not remember covering the distance from the kitchenette to the stairs.
He can still hear what Owen just said, playing over and over in his head. Bastard doesn’t even care someone’s dead, he’s not human. Ianto does remember how he had felt when he’d realised that Lisa had killed Tanizaki and Annie, very nearly killed everyone on this team, very nearly killed everyone on the planet and maybe more after that. He also remembers the look of grim satisfaction on Owen’s face as he gunned down Lisa, as he’d been told to, as he’d had to do, a necessity, yes, but that didn’t mean Owen had to enjoy it, and who was the one who didn’t care someone was dead, who was the real bastard here?
“I can’t believe he’d just sacrifice Jasmine like that,” Gwen says in a low voice, and Ianto stops on the stairs. “That he’d just let them take her.”
They’re not talking about Lisa. Ianto listens. They can’t see him from where they are, and so they continue to talk.
“There’s always a choice,” Toshiko says passionately. “But he didn’t even give her that chance. We could have stopped the faeries, we could have found a way.”
Ianto feels his fists curl of their own accord. Of the three of them, he has always preferred Toshiko’s company, but right now, he would like nothing better than to slap her.
“Saint Jack said there wasn’t a way,” Owen says mockingly. “And of course he knows everything. Know what I think, I think he didn’t even care about that girl. It was easier to just let her go, and he didn’t want to work to keep her.”
Ianto now feels like punching Owen. He looks away, trying to keep his temper, and his gaze falls on Jack. Jack, who is standing off to the side, well within ear-shot, and the three of them know it. They know it and they’re still saying these things. There’s something buzzing in Ianto’s ears, something very much like rage and the desire to feel Owen’s bones breaking under his fists.
Why does he feel so strongly about their mistreatment of Jack?
He doesn’t allow himself to think about it. Instead, he walks the rest of the way down the stairs, coming up behind the other three. He stops and says, “I’m sure there was a way.”
He sees Jack turn away.
“We could have found something,” Toshiko agrees fervently. Owen looks like he doesn’t want to be agreeing with Ianto, but he nods along with Gwen.
“It would have taken a little extra work,” Ianto says softly. “But I can’t imagine she would have been a danger to the world, not the way Jack kept making her out to be.”
“Exactly,” Gwen blurts out. “Why would she even have wanted to leave? They must have been doing something to her, all we had to do was figure that out, stop it, and we could have saved her.”
“I know,” Ianto says. “Just a little more effort instead of taking the easy way out and killing her, and maybe we’d have saved Lisa.”
Gwen physically recoils from him. Toshiko flinches and Owen goes still. Ianto arches an eyebrow, smiling a humourless smile. “Right,” he says. “I meant Jasmine, of course.”
He doesn’t wait for a response, and continues on his way into the archives. He sees Jack’s back as he passes, tense and bowed. He’s not ready to forgive Jack just yet, not completely, but at least Jack’s not a hypocrite and that makes him far more palatable than the rest of the team.
He’d nearly punched Owen for Jack. With time, Ianto thinks, retreating into his sanctuary, with time, he might be able to forgive Jack.
two:
overkill
The alarms are blaring and Ianto is frozen in horror.
Part of him hates himself. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to be affected by what Owen had said. Owen knows nothing of his relationship with Jack. He knows that Jack is just a warm body he needs, to help him forget. He knows that he is the same, to Jack. He knows that Owen thinks him desperate for Jack’s love, which isn’t true, but which he would maybe not be averse to at some point, and isn’t this a lovely time for that realisation to dawn?
Most of him, though, is fantasising about breaking Owen’s nose. Never open the Rift, that cardinal rule that all Torchwood employees were expected to follow, and Owen had broken it - for what? To bring Diane back? She’d chosen to leave, unlike Lisa. And Owen doesn’t care that he’s risking the entire world, just so long as he gets her back.
Ianto hates hypocrites. Hitting Owen suddenly doesn’t seem enough.
So he shoots him instead.
three:
goading
“Tea-boy’s useless,” Owen states. “We’re just three of us in the field and it’s not enough. We need one more.”
Useless, Ianto thinks, and fumes silently, clenching and releasing his fists as he tries not to take out his frustrations on Owen’s face. He knows Owen’s aware that Ianto can hear him. He also knows that that’s why Owen’s chosen to talk about it.
He can’t deny that they’re short-handed without Jack. He certainly wouldn’t say he’s useless, though. With Toshiko barely ever in the Hub these days, he’s taken over the bulk of the coordinating. He’s the one who provides them with the information they need, who’s been working long nights alongside Toshiko to get as much of the archives computerised as possible, who’s been interviewing witnesses with Gwen, who’s been keeping the SUV stocked and Myfanwy and the aliens fed and watered.
He briefly considers “forgetting” to restock Owen’s field-kit for him, then dismisses the thought. It might be nice to get some acknowledgement, but he’d never risk Owen dying just so he could make a point.
For all that, though, he’s left twiddling his thumbs in the Hub far too often, while the others try not to die on the streets.
It hadn’t been too hard to shoot Owen before. He’d managed to hit what he was aiming for, even if the recoil had been sharper than he remembered from his lessons. He’s never had cause to put those lessons into practice, but he hasn’t forgotten everything either. He’s in no way ready for the streets, but he has the basic knowledge, he’s relatively fit, and it won’t take too much work to get him field-ready.
Two weeks later, Ianto finds himself driving the team to the site of a Weevil attack. He remembers Owen’s words, we need one more, and wonders if this was what the acerbic doctor had intended all along.
four:
protective
“That desperate, huh?” Owen says with a smirk. “Guess no one else is willing to put up with you.”
Ianto’s hand is half-curled before he realises what he’s doing and forces himself to relax. Really, this is getting to be an autonomic reaction. He’ll have to work on that. Owen’s far too good at getting under his skin. If there’s one real skill the doctor has, it’s in pissing off everyone around him, including Ianto.
But there have been moments over the past few months without Jack, when Ianto has suspected there is more than misanthropy beneath Owen’s biting comments.
“When was the last time you got laid?” Ianto asks, raising an eyebrow. He knows that Owen’s been putting in long hours too, and has certainly not had time to go out on the pull. His guess is confirmed when Owen scowls at him.
Ianto hides a smile. It’s really much more satisfying to cross verbal swords with Owen than to physically fight with him, anyway.
“What’s so great about our fearless leader anyway?” Owen demands, and Ianto’s pretty sure he isn’t imagining the undertone of You could do better. It’s the unspoken words that stop the joke Ianto is about to make.
“He isn’t,” Ianto says instead.
Owen’s brow furrows, but before he can say anything, Jack calls out to Ianto. Ianto glances down the hallway at him. “Be there in a minute,” he says neutrally.
“Yeah?” Jack says uncertainly.
“Yep,” Ianto says. Jack hovers in the doorway for a moment, fidgeting like he had at the office they’d been searching. Then he shrugs, nods and disappears into the twin room he’s booked for himself and Ianto.
“Huh,” Owen says thoughtfully.
“Yep,” Ianto says.
“Weird,” Owen says. He looks at Ianto. “Guess you two deserve each other.” There’s no malice to the words, and Ianto gives him a small smile before heading down the hall, to his room and to Jack.
five:
easy target
Owen has been doing very well. For that matter, so has Ianto. Their relationship has settled into a relatively peaceful one. They match wits often; sometimes Ianto wins, sometimes Owen wins. Sometimes the loser buys the winner drinks the next time the team goes out. They’re at least amicable towards each other.
When Owen makes a biting comment about Ianto shagging Jack, Ianto lets it go. He knows it’s the despair talking, the desperation and refusal to believe what’s happening.
Ianto understands that. His heart might still have been beating after Canary Wharf, but he certainly hadn’t felt alive. It had taken him a very long time - especially after Lisa had been killed - to find some reason to keep going.
Owen will have to find a reason of his own, but pushing away everyone around him certainly isn’t the way to go about it.
“He broke his finger,” Toshiko sobs into Ianto’s chest. Her makeup is running, her clothes are wrinkled, and her face is blotchy from crying. She’s a mess. He’s never seen her this poorly before, and he doesn’t like seeing Toshiko reduced to this wreck. “God, he’s hurting so badly, Ianto, but I don’t - I can’t - he doesn’t want -”
The problem with Owen being dead, Ianto thinks regretfully, is that if Ianto broke his nose now, Ianto would feel awfully guilty later.
one:
in limbo
Ianto’s eyes are blurring.
He closes them and focuses on the burning, willing it away. When he opens them again, his vision is marginally clearer. It’s enough to let him see the form he’s attempting to fill out. There’s a lot of paperwork that needs to be done. He scribbles quickly, wanting to get it over and done with. When it’s finally complete, he sets the clipboard down on the floor and looks up.
Toshiko’s lying down in front of him, her eyes closed and expression peaceful. Her face is turned slightly towards him, as if seeking reassurance even in rest. He has become her confidante and best friend without ever noticing, and he suddenly feels a great swell of tenderness towards her.
Her hair is neat, but Ianto reaches out and brushes it back anyway, just to feel it under his fingers. The strands are soft and light from having been recently washed. They feel like feathers. He imagines Toshiko as a bird, as a small, strong bird, and smiles faintly.
He bends, kisses her forehead, then decisively closes up the cryogenic unit and pushes the drawer shut.
Ianto exhales slowly and turns around. Beside Toshiko’s body is another open unit. This one is empty.
Jack hadn’t found anything at the plant, when he’d gone searching. The life-signs sensor had stayed stubbornly silent, even in the face of Jack’s breakdown.
Ianto touches the empty air where Owen’s head should be. It feels odd to think of Owen as dead again, truly, completely dead this time. It feels like he should be wandering into the Hub complaining about being a radioactive zombie. It won’t happen, Ianto knows it won’t happen, but he’s not willing to let go. He’s not willing to forget.
This is Owen’s drawer, and will remain so for at least as long as Ianto is at Torchwood.
He closes the drawer and leans against it for a moment. Toshiko. Owen. He’d just been starting to really get close to them. He’d just been starting to grow fond of Owen, not just tolerate him. Trust Owen to leave just as things were getting good between them, to take away the brother he hadn’t realised he’d needed.
Ianto turns and slams his fist hard against the drawer. He’ll regret it later, but all he can feel right now is the fury making his vision go white.
Ianto finally straightens, pulling his hand away from the cool metal. He turns, looks directly ahead, and returns to organise the clean-up.
~fin
Rating(s): PG-13
Characters/Pairing(s): Ianto, Owen, background Jack/Ianto
Summary: Five times Ianto wanted to punch Owen but didn't, and one time he did.
Author's Notes: Entirely canon-compliant, with specific reference to the events of (in order) Cyberwoman, Small Worlds, Captain Jack Harkness, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, A Day In The Death and Exit Wounds.
Also, Areale made me do it.
Never Without A Reason
Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. - Benjamin Franklin
one:
mistaken identity
Ianto does not remember covering the distance from the kitchenette to the stairs.
He can still hear what Owen just said, playing over and over in his head. Bastard doesn’t even care someone’s dead, he’s not human. Ianto does remember how he had felt when he’d realised that Lisa had killed Tanizaki and Annie, very nearly killed everyone on this team, very nearly killed everyone on the planet and maybe more after that. He also remembers the look of grim satisfaction on Owen’s face as he gunned down Lisa, as he’d been told to, as he’d had to do, a necessity, yes, but that didn’t mean Owen had to enjoy it, and who was the one who didn’t care someone was dead, who was the real bastard here?
“I can’t believe he’d just sacrifice Jasmine like that,” Gwen says in a low voice, and Ianto stops on the stairs. “That he’d just let them take her.”
They’re not talking about Lisa. Ianto listens. They can’t see him from where they are, and so they continue to talk.
“There’s always a choice,” Toshiko says passionately. “But he didn’t even give her that chance. We could have stopped the faeries, we could have found a way.”
Ianto feels his fists curl of their own accord. Of the three of them, he has always preferred Toshiko’s company, but right now, he would like nothing better than to slap her.
“Saint Jack said there wasn’t a way,” Owen says mockingly. “And of course he knows everything. Know what I think, I think he didn’t even care about that girl. It was easier to just let her go, and he didn’t want to work to keep her.”
Ianto now feels like punching Owen. He looks away, trying to keep his temper, and his gaze falls on Jack. Jack, who is standing off to the side, well within ear-shot, and the three of them know it. They know it and they’re still saying these things. There’s something buzzing in Ianto’s ears, something very much like rage and the desire to feel Owen’s bones breaking under his fists.
Why does he feel so strongly about their mistreatment of Jack?
He doesn’t allow himself to think about it. Instead, he walks the rest of the way down the stairs, coming up behind the other three. He stops and says, “I’m sure there was a way.”
He sees Jack turn away.
“We could have found something,” Toshiko agrees fervently. Owen looks like he doesn’t want to be agreeing with Ianto, but he nods along with Gwen.
“It would have taken a little extra work,” Ianto says softly. “But I can’t imagine she would have been a danger to the world, not the way Jack kept making her out to be.”
“Exactly,” Gwen blurts out. “Why would she even have wanted to leave? They must have been doing something to her, all we had to do was figure that out, stop it, and we could have saved her.”
“I know,” Ianto says. “Just a little more effort instead of taking the easy way out and killing her, and maybe we’d have saved Lisa.”
Gwen physically recoils from him. Toshiko flinches and Owen goes still. Ianto arches an eyebrow, smiling a humourless smile. “Right,” he says. “I meant Jasmine, of course.”
He doesn’t wait for a response, and continues on his way into the archives. He sees Jack’s back as he passes, tense and bowed. He’s not ready to forgive Jack just yet, not completely, but at least Jack’s not a hypocrite and that makes him far more palatable than the rest of the team.
He’d nearly punched Owen for Jack. With time, Ianto thinks, retreating into his sanctuary, with time, he might be able to forgive Jack.
two:
overkill
The alarms are blaring and Ianto is frozen in horror.
Part of him hates himself. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to be affected by what Owen had said. Owen knows nothing of his relationship with Jack. He knows that Jack is just a warm body he needs, to help him forget. He knows that he is the same, to Jack. He knows that Owen thinks him desperate for Jack’s love, which isn’t true, but which he would maybe not be averse to at some point, and isn’t this a lovely time for that realisation to dawn?
Most of him, though, is fantasising about breaking Owen’s nose. Never open the Rift, that cardinal rule that all Torchwood employees were expected to follow, and Owen had broken it - for what? To bring Diane back? She’d chosen to leave, unlike Lisa. And Owen doesn’t care that he’s risking the entire world, just so long as he gets her back.
Ianto hates hypocrites. Hitting Owen suddenly doesn’t seem enough.
So he shoots him instead.
three:
goading
“Tea-boy’s useless,” Owen states. “We’re just three of us in the field and it’s not enough. We need one more.”
Useless, Ianto thinks, and fumes silently, clenching and releasing his fists as he tries not to take out his frustrations on Owen’s face. He knows Owen’s aware that Ianto can hear him. He also knows that that’s why Owen’s chosen to talk about it.
He can’t deny that they’re short-handed without Jack. He certainly wouldn’t say he’s useless, though. With Toshiko barely ever in the Hub these days, he’s taken over the bulk of the coordinating. He’s the one who provides them with the information they need, who’s been working long nights alongside Toshiko to get as much of the archives computerised as possible, who’s been interviewing witnesses with Gwen, who’s been keeping the SUV stocked and Myfanwy and the aliens fed and watered.
He briefly considers “forgetting” to restock Owen’s field-kit for him, then dismisses the thought. It might be nice to get some acknowledgement, but he’d never risk Owen dying just so he could make a point.
For all that, though, he’s left twiddling his thumbs in the Hub far too often, while the others try not to die on the streets.
It hadn’t been too hard to shoot Owen before. He’d managed to hit what he was aiming for, even if the recoil had been sharper than he remembered from his lessons. He’s never had cause to put those lessons into practice, but he hasn’t forgotten everything either. He’s in no way ready for the streets, but he has the basic knowledge, he’s relatively fit, and it won’t take too much work to get him field-ready.
Two weeks later, Ianto finds himself driving the team to the site of a Weevil attack. He remembers Owen’s words, we need one more, and wonders if this was what the acerbic doctor had intended all along.
four:
protective
“That desperate, huh?” Owen says with a smirk. “Guess no one else is willing to put up with you.”
Ianto’s hand is half-curled before he realises what he’s doing and forces himself to relax. Really, this is getting to be an autonomic reaction. He’ll have to work on that. Owen’s far too good at getting under his skin. If there’s one real skill the doctor has, it’s in pissing off everyone around him, including Ianto.
But there have been moments over the past few months without Jack, when Ianto has suspected there is more than misanthropy beneath Owen’s biting comments.
“When was the last time you got laid?” Ianto asks, raising an eyebrow. He knows that Owen’s been putting in long hours too, and has certainly not had time to go out on the pull. His guess is confirmed when Owen scowls at him.
Ianto hides a smile. It’s really much more satisfying to cross verbal swords with Owen than to physically fight with him, anyway.
“What’s so great about our fearless leader anyway?” Owen demands, and Ianto’s pretty sure he isn’t imagining the undertone of You could do better. It’s the unspoken words that stop the joke Ianto is about to make.
“He isn’t,” Ianto says instead.
Owen’s brow furrows, but before he can say anything, Jack calls out to Ianto. Ianto glances down the hallway at him. “Be there in a minute,” he says neutrally.
“Yeah?” Jack says uncertainly.
“Yep,” Ianto says. Jack hovers in the doorway for a moment, fidgeting like he had at the office they’d been searching. Then he shrugs, nods and disappears into the twin room he’s booked for himself and Ianto.
“Huh,” Owen says thoughtfully.
“Yep,” Ianto says.
“Weird,” Owen says. He looks at Ianto. “Guess you two deserve each other.” There’s no malice to the words, and Ianto gives him a small smile before heading down the hall, to his room and to Jack.
five:
easy target
Owen has been doing very well. For that matter, so has Ianto. Their relationship has settled into a relatively peaceful one. They match wits often; sometimes Ianto wins, sometimes Owen wins. Sometimes the loser buys the winner drinks the next time the team goes out. They’re at least amicable towards each other.
When Owen makes a biting comment about Ianto shagging Jack, Ianto lets it go. He knows it’s the despair talking, the desperation and refusal to believe what’s happening.
Ianto understands that. His heart might still have been beating after Canary Wharf, but he certainly hadn’t felt alive. It had taken him a very long time - especially after Lisa had been killed - to find some reason to keep going.
Owen will have to find a reason of his own, but pushing away everyone around him certainly isn’t the way to go about it.
“He broke his finger,” Toshiko sobs into Ianto’s chest. Her makeup is running, her clothes are wrinkled, and her face is blotchy from crying. She’s a mess. He’s never seen her this poorly before, and he doesn’t like seeing Toshiko reduced to this wreck. “God, he’s hurting so badly, Ianto, but I don’t - I can’t - he doesn’t want -”
The problem with Owen being dead, Ianto thinks regretfully, is that if Ianto broke his nose now, Ianto would feel awfully guilty later.
one:
in limbo
Ianto’s eyes are blurring.
He closes them and focuses on the burning, willing it away. When he opens them again, his vision is marginally clearer. It’s enough to let him see the form he’s attempting to fill out. There’s a lot of paperwork that needs to be done. He scribbles quickly, wanting to get it over and done with. When it’s finally complete, he sets the clipboard down on the floor and looks up.
Toshiko’s lying down in front of him, her eyes closed and expression peaceful. Her face is turned slightly towards him, as if seeking reassurance even in rest. He has become her confidante and best friend without ever noticing, and he suddenly feels a great swell of tenderness towards her.
Her hair is neat, but Ianto reaches out and brushes it back anyway, just to feel it under his fingers. The strands are soft and light from having been recently washed. They feel like feathers. He imagines Toshiko as a bird, as a small, strong bird, and smiles faintly.
He bends, kisses her forehead, then decisively closes up the cryogenic unit and pushes the drawer shut.
Ianto exhales slowly and turns around. Beside Toshiko’s body is another open unit. This one is empty.
Jack hadn’t found anything at the plant, when he’d gone searching. The life-signs sensor had stayed stubbornly silent, even in the face of Jack’s breakdown.
Ianto touches the empty air where Owen’s head should be. It feels odd to think of Owen as dead again, truly, completely dead this time. It feels like he should be wandering into the Hub complaining about being a radioactive zombie. It won’t happen, Ianto knows it won’t happen, but he’s not willing to let go. He’s not willing to forget.
This is Owen’s drawer, and will remain so for at least as long as Ianto is at Torchwood.
He closes the drawer and leans against it for a moment. Toshiko. Owen. He’d just been starting to really get close to them. He’d just been starting to grow fond of Owen, not just tolerate him. Trust Owen to leave just as things were getting good between them, to take away the brother he hadn’t realised he’d needed.
Ianto turns and slams his fist hard against the drawer. He’ll regret it later, but all he can feel right now is the fury making his vision go white.
Ianto finally straightens, pulling his hand away from the cool metal. He turns, looks directly ahead, and returns to organise the clean-up.
~fin