up- a little bit of -date

[soel_syphon05]

LJ users,
my absence excusal must be updated.
the internet problem still isnt fixed and as far as i can see, it means very little to me.. though i do have an amazing MMO Beta id like to load up onto my comp, ill just have to find the time to establish an adsl connection here.

since the attack last week my mind has been reeling and i feel physically ill from time to time. i feel very deadened by the shock and im afraid this is showing through in my behaviour. its like i was shot down before i got off the boat, not a chance to fight in the fray.
I just need to find some way to re-orientate myself and forget about the things i worry about and focus on the things i need to achieve and why i need to achieve them. there are times like this, and times like this there are, when i really would give my life to be with Rachel right now, none can understand the emptiness i possess when i do not possess her. especially now.

i need more strength than i have right now.

i need to be set free from this life

i need to begin my new one

i need to live

i need love

-S-
i love you Rachel, she makes the sun shine, the moon glow and the wind blow. for she is, my world.