(no subject)
It's official, I'm a selfish dick.
Once again I've put my own interests in front of all of my friends. This time it really hurts though, because not only have I lost two people that I care about a lot, I've also lost one that I've loved dearly. It's hard to really put into words how I feel right now. Last night was the first time it hit me since we broke up, and I utterly lost it. I feel terrible for what I put her through, and the one thing that I want most right now is for everything to be okay between us. It's so hard for me to pick up the phone and think about calling without trembling. It's because I'm afraid...I'm afraid that she already found someone else. This type of thing has happened to me in the past before and it hurts worse than the actual breakup itself. I guess all that I'm saying is that I'm really scared. I'm scared of the person that I am becoming and I'm scared to keep going on worrying about someone that I care about immensly. I can't believe I just let this wonderful person step out of my life like I did.
I'm really really sorry to everyone that I've hurt in the past few months.
I hope that things change, I really do.
Sorry to everyone who had to read this, I just had to write it down and get it out. I've been keeping things inside for so long that I just didn't know what to do anymore.
Once again I've put my own interests in front of all of my friends. This time it really hurts though, because not only have I lost two people that I care about a lot, I've also lost one that I've loved dearly. It's hard to really put into words how I feel right now. Last night was the first time it hit me since we broke up, and I utterly lost it. I feel terrible for what I put her through, and the one thing that I want most right now is for everything to be okay between us. It's so hard for me to pick up the phone and think about calling without trembling. It's because I'm afraid...I'm afraid that she already found someone else. This type of thing has happened to me in the past before and it hurts worse than the actual breakup itself. I guess all that I'm saying is that I'm really scared. I'm scared of the person that I am becoming and I'm scared to keep going on worrying about someone that I care about immensly. I can't believe I just let this wonderful person step out of my life like I did.
I'm really really sorry to everyone that I've hurt in the past few months.
I hope that things change, I really do.
Sorry to everyone who had to read this, I just had to write it down and get it out. I've been keeping things inside for so long that I just didn't know what to do anymore.