d20
House half-heartedly tosses the iridescent d20 onto the plastic folding table Wilson set up in the living room.
As it rolls its way down the length of the table, and then off of the edge, House glances around at all of his furniture. Couches pressed against tables, pressed against bookshelves...
"...It rolled off the table."
House looks up at Wilson, who is impatiently tapping the eraser end of his pencil against the table top.
"Really? And here I thought it had just vanished into thin air. What number did it land on?"
Wilson sighs and bends down. "Fourteen." He scoops the die up and chucks it towards House, half-hoping that it hits him upside the head. He's been crawling around the floor all night looking for die House has thrown around; he's tired of it, and so are his knees.
It doesn't, of course. (As if Wilson could be so lucky) since House somehow has the reflexes of a God, who catches it without even looking up.
"Then my Perception is a 23. I'm fairly certain that means I can detect a hidden door."
Wilson smirks. "You do not detect any hidden doors."
House slams his fist down on the table. "Bullshit. You only need a 15 to detect a hidden door!"
"You're right."
House leans back and crosses his arms. "I'm always right. So where is it?"
"Nowhere." Wilson stifles some laughter as House's eyes narrow, and his cheeks turn red.
"But we just decided that a 15-"
"...would detect a hidden door if there was one. Which there isn't...Sorry. You're just going to have to find another way out."
House grabs a handful of Cheeto-s and shoves them in his mouth, orange crumbs falling onto his shirt.
"Attractive," Wilson mumbles as he leans across the table and brushes the crumbs off of House.
"I have an incredibly high charisma. It's a 19 or something."
"Clearly."
"I'm also trained in Dungeon Massage and Fellatio."
Wilson scoffed. "Roll me a bluff check."
"Oh, I'll roll you a bluff check." House winks.
"What does that even mean?"
"I want to fuck you."
Wilson bites his bottom lip and grabs House's character sheet and glances it over. "I guess it couldn't hurt to make you proficient with a staff."