Share - Chapter 4

[sodigirl1980]

Title : Share - Chapter 4
Pairing : Ryopi
Author : Me
Beta : None and please excuse me as english is not my mother language.
Raiting : PG13 (will go NC17 later)
Genre : AU Romance
Disclaimer : Characters are not mine... unfortunately...

Yeah chapter 4! I really hope you'll still like it !


There was nothing comparable to the pure feeling of well-being that filled him.
It was hot, warm and soft. It was… Yamashita…

Oh… fuck!

Great… really great!

* * *

There was nothing comparable to the strange feeling that filled him.

It was surprising, surprising and… nice… it was… it was Ryo!

Oh… shit!

Not good… not good at all… well yeah… but no.

* * *

Slowly, Yamashita stood out from the embrace of his elder, which extorted a deep grunt of discomfort from Ryo. He was desperate to repossess those tempting lips, like a hungry man…  but his student held out and clasped him gently but firmly by the shoulders.

• “Ryo… stop… you really need to sleep now.
• Hmmmm no… To… Tom…ooo…
• You’re drunk Ryo, sleep now.
• No… I don’t want to, Ryo whimpered.
• Ryo… don’t act like a child…, Yamashita had leaned over him.
• Ok I’ll sleep, said Ryo pouting.
• Ah… good, answered the younger with a small smile.
• But you’ll sleep with me!
• Eeeeh?”

Ryo suddenly pulled him by his wrist and set him up against him. The younger had been so surprised he didn’t even react.

The coach, who had anticipated this reaction, strongly hugged his student and closed his eyes. He was supposed to be drunk so he could fall asleep suddenly! Soaking in the sweet scent of Yamashita, Ryo let himself be overwhelmed, happy to finally hold the object of his affection in his arms.

The so-said object did not really know what to do. He was in the arms of his coach, who was dead-drunk, who had kissed him and who, incidentally, was a man…

And yet he felt good, slumber slowly took hold of him. After all, the day had been exhausting between rehearsals, the concert, having brought Ryo home and then… the rest… You could tell he had had his share of excitement for the next few days!

And Ryo had been drunk, he could not really blame him… no?

Questioning himself… well, he’ll see that tomorrow. For now he just wanted to sleep.

* * *

When Ryo woke up, the sun had not yet risen. Felling a presence near his body, he remembered all the maneuvers he had taken to have his student next to him and then snuggled even closer to the heat of Yamashita’s body, an ecstatic air on his face.

* * *

When the sun was high enough to hit his face, Yamashita opened his eyes and took a few seconds to remember where and with who he was. He wasn’t angry at Ryo for having firmly hold him and make him sleep with him, no… he was rather curious the see Ryo’s reaction when his elder would realize how he did behave the previous day. Alcohol, he told himself.

Gently getting out of Ryo’s grasp because he was still deeply sleeping, he went to the kitchen to make coffee. Instead of going straight home, he decided to wait for his coach. This way they could go to his place later for their daily session. Ryo’s apartment was quite similar to his, a large living room with a kitchen in it. He liked this kind of interior. Light entered the room thanks to a big window and he could see a balcony. He felt good. Finding a cup on the sink, he took a coffee and sat on the bar facing the room. There was nothing to say, he really felt comfortable in this place. The only thing missing was the piano. Yamashita really wondered why Ryo didn’t want to tell anything about this instrument that made him famous. Ryo was a real star in the piano world, the biggest hope of his generation. He should have become a great soloist, but one day he had just disappeared and no one had ever heard of him since. Yamashita slowly began to get used to it but the more time passed, the more he wanted to get answers, to make this silence stop.

He was awakened from his reverie by Ryo who entered the room. The coach rubbed his eyes, it gave him the look of a little boy and that made Yamashita smile.

• “Hi.
• Hi, sleep well?
• Like a baby…
• Coffee?
• Yeah thanks.
• Hmm… sorry but I don’t know where the cups are… This one was in the sink.
• Third cupboard on the left.”

Yamashita gave Ryo what he wanted and sat back facing him. As they were used to, they let silence fill the room. From time to time, their eyes met and they smiled a little.

Strange.

Strange but nice.

• “Say Yamashita…
• Hmmmm?
• About yesterday…
• Yeah I know, sorry, it is really not the kinf of music you like.
• No, not at all!  Loved it, it was wonderful.
• Really?
• Hmm. I was finally able to see you play; I mean really play with your soul.”

The young man was looking at the elder serious. He had seen through him and had understood that he was himself only in this music.

• “What I don’t understand is why.
• Why?
• Why you keep doing it, why you insist on playing piano in a way that doesn’t make you happy.
• It’s for my parents.”

Ryo was astonished and kept looking at Yamashita.

• “When I was a kid, my parents dreamed of making a great pianist of me. And I hated it, I hated having to work all the time, not being able to do what I wanted when I wanted. But them… they never let go of me… never… The time I sent with them was in the car when we went to competitions or at night when I went home from my rehearsal and we just talked about my progress, the next piece I was going to work on. I had no friends, no time… the only one who could stay with me was Jin. I knew him from my piano lessons, so my parents tolerated him. They had understood that as soon as Jin was with me I was more compliant and accepted to go where they wanted me to. Until the day they decided to send me in a boarding school for young musicians. There was an audition to get in and they made me believe it was just a regular one. After that, with Jin, we thought we could go away for the weekend… that we would negotiate with my parent for them to let me live a little… But they dragged me into this… prison… and they left me there. So I escaped. It sucks but I couldn’t stay there, it was horrible, all we did was playing all day long… I felt so miserable there you know. The school called my parents and they went looking for me. And…, his eyes became heavier, they has an accident and died. They died because of me.
• Tomohisa…, Ryo didn’t leave his student’s eyes.
• … yeah because of me. Because I was just a stupid selfish kid. So since that day I’ve never stopped playing piano, for them to be at least a little proud of me… for them to forgive me too maybe… It’s been five years now, but I know I’ll succeed someday, said Yamashita with a little smile. The Pub, it’s my pleasure, the only place where I feel good, where I let the music express itself as I feel it. And furthermore with Jin we’re happy to share it together.
• The song you played together right at the beginning… Ryo smiled to the younger…, it was wonderful.
• Really?
• Yeah, really. And, it’s reassuring…
• What do you mean?
• Well at least now I know it’s not impossible…
• What?
• Well, with a little work, I know I’ll be able to make your emotion go out of your play! I just have to find how! But I’ll definitely succeed!”

They exchanged a smile and spoke a little of the Concerto Ryo wanted him to work on, starting with detailing things in a technical way. Ryo had come to understand how Yamashita worked. Then they’ll start technical and gradually they would come to feelings.

After a moment, Ryo suggested to his student to go take a shower, which he accepted with pleasure. Lending him underpants and a T-shirt, he showed him the bathroom and left.

Returning to the kitchen, Ryo stopped at the sink and thought back to what Yamashita had told him. Many things had been explained now. But others were also becoming clearer… The attachment he felt frightened him. While they were speaking, he hadn’t stopped looking at him and he couldn’t hide what he was feeling when near him anymore. He liked him, it was obvious and the force of his feelings scared him. Ryo had never been attached to anyone. He only had affairs… girls, boys it had always been equal to him, even if he admitted preferring boys… It always had been according to his envy. But there, the problem was that he just wanted to be with his student.

* * *

Tomohisa was looking at himself in the mirror. It was the first time he told his story to someone and he was not accustomed to the feeling that occupied his thoughts. Relief. He was of feeling lighter to have finally shared his past with someone and especially Ryo. He felt confident. This man could appease as much as upset, it was quite a strange sensation. Undressing, he stepped into the shower, letting the water run over his body he realized once again that he couldn’t get rid of his guiltiness towards his parents. He just had to deal with it. He had decided not to talk to Ryo about what happened the day before… after all, he was drunk and he didn’t want to blame him for that. If it had to happen again, then he’d see.

When he finished his shower, he dried himself and dressed. He was then ready, all he needed more was a little bit of deodorant and everything would be fine!

Opening a cupboard in search of the said deodorant, he did not understand right away what lay before his eyes. He stood there in disbelief, looking at the evidence that were gathering against Ryo. The disappointment was literally crushing him. There, before his eyes he could see dozens of boxes, vials, nothing but painkillers, sleeping pills, stimulants… Only boxes with “Caution, dependence risk” written on them. He had imagined a lot of things… but not that…

• “You really well fooled me Ryo.
• What?
• What’s that? Yamashita showed him the boxes he had in hand.
• It’s none of your business! Who do you think you are to pry in my stuff?
• Yeah well I’m sorry! I was looking for deodorant, but don’t change topic! What is this?
• But it’s none of your fucking business what it is! Put it back where you took it!
• I trusted you…
• What the hell are you talking about?
• You say you stopped playing piano while in fact you’re just a junky who cannot play anymore because you’re too stoned for that!
• Get out of my house…
• Look at you, you’re shaking…
• GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!”

Yamashita took his jacket while still looking at Ryo. The anger was visible on both their faces. When he arrived at the door, he turned to the elder:

• “You disappoint me so much Ryo…
• I don’t give a shit of what you think.
• Honestly you have no self-esteem…
• And you’re the one who says that… Please look at yourself before lecturing me mister “I screw a different girl every night and she’s always the woman of my life”, please… there are two words to sum it right?
• What do you mean?
• It depends… are you asking money for you services?
• Son of a bitch…
• There’s one of the two! Now get the fuck out of here!”

Ryo’s face was completely closed. He kept looking at Yamashita, supporting his gaze without flinching. The younger one opened the door and fumbled in his pocket. He took Ryo’s keys out of it and threw them to the elder. Nishikido tried to catch them up but couldn’t so he avoided them and they crashed against the wall at the same moment the door close.

Ryo didn’t move. He stood there, motionless, in the middle of his living room. Slowly he pulled his left hand out of his pocket and stared at it. It was slightly trembling. Slowly he tried to bend his fingers without success. The pain was obvious on his face and tremors were becoming stronger. He took out tablets from his other pocket and swallowed two pills. Looking at the box, he realized this little item had just separated him from his student. Yet this medication was his only way of relief. Suddenly, he threw it on the facing wall and fell on his knees. Today he really had lost everything.

He had nothing left.

Bitter tears rolled down his cheeks.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yamashita was still furious.

He had decided to walk home, thinking it might relax him. Grabbing his phone, he called Jin in order to yell at him for his coach’s recruitment methods. His best friend was very surprised to learn that Ryo was a drug addict but he listened patiently to his friend before asking a question. What was the worst, Ryo being a drug addict… or the fact he had been disappointed when he just began to trust him? Tomohisa didn’t know what to answer so he chose to say nothing and hung up.

He had finally arrived home, but didn’t know what to do to calm his nerves. He didn’t understand. He was pacing up in his living room when his eyes landed on his piano. He didn’t want to play. Ryo had kicked him out; almost called him a bitch… the day had started so well… He didn’t know anything anymore.

He sat at his computer and almost without realizing it; he tapes the name of his former coach. Immediately dozens of sites appeared, but his eyes were caught by something else.

Videos.

Videos of Ryo playing.

He selected one and there, what he saw, almost killed him. In his screen, it was another Ryo, a smiling, happy, confident… beautiful one.

On his face, nothing else but the joy of playing. Yamashita finally saw his elder as he dreamed of seeing him…on the piano… my God how gorgeous he was. His fingers ran over the keyboard, his eyes half closed, his face ecstatic, he looked so happy. Without realizing it, tears rolled down his cheeks, the feeling was too strong. He hadn’t expected this, so many emotions… yeah, Jin told him that Ryo was the best… indeed he was.

The more the minutes passed the more doubts Yamashita had.

It wasn’t possible. Ryo couldn’t have stopped playing because of an addiction… not when he looked so happy playing… no… something was wrong. Unlike him, Ryo deeply loved piano, you could feel it when he talked about it.

So he decided to seek.

Returning to his computer, he tapped keywords such as “hand, tremor, morphine …”. It was as if he was a madman, tirelessly probing the various sites he was sent in but suddenly he found. That was it… it could just be it… and he already hated himself for what he told to his elder, for his cruelty…

He had accused him and didn’t even gave him the chance to explain himself while all this time, Ryo was suffering in his body and his heart, forcibly separated from his instrument because of that… rheumatoid arthritis, a fucking disease which condemned him to no longer play, which forced him to become a mere spectator of other pianists because he no longer had the physical ability of chaining notes. Yamashita burst into tears. Tears of guilt, tears for Ryo, for his abandoned career, his frustrated love for piano, for having to watch someone not like what he was dying to redo. He cried because he finally realized Ryo’s attitude towards him, he understood why he constantly accused him of wasting his talent.

Suddenly he got up, took his jacket and went out running. He had to see him, talk to him, at least apologize to him.

When he arrived in front of his door, he stopped and hesitated. How would Ryo react? After all, he had told him horrible things… If he was in his place, he wouldn’t forgive this easy. He stood there like an idiot, not knowing what to do when he heard a sound coming from the apartment. He listened and tried to hear, it was a faint sound, muffled.

Sobs.

Ryo was sobbing.

He opened the door and went in the apartment. Ryo was there, huddled in a corner of the room, rocking back and forth, holding his left hand in the right one. He was crying and didn’t seem to have realized that Yamashita was there. The younger ran to him and fell on his knees beside him.

• “Ryo…”

The young man seemed like he didn’t heard. Tomohisa gently patted his shoulder. It seemed it awoke Ryo from his dream. He raised his eyes to his student. As soon as he recognized him, a gentle smile came on his beautiful face.

• “Tomo… he breathed.”

Suddenly, the crisis resumed. His eyes were vague, he was stone, totally stoned, Yamashita was facing him and seized him by the shoulders.

• “Ryo, what the fuck have you done?
• Tomo… it… it hurts…
• Ryo…
• I… I took some meds… but… but it doesn’t work…”

Tomohisa watched Ryo. He saw him suffer and his pain literally engulfed him. He felt overwhelmed by his feelings. Tightening his grip on his coach’s shoulders, he forced him to look at him.

When their eyes met, the younger could not restrain his tears from flowing any longer. They looked at each other for quite a long time, water running down their cheeks. Then, as if exhausted, they burst into tears and Yamashita held Ryo in his arms telling him again and again while stroking his hair.

• “I’m sorry Ryo, I am so sorry…”