oh dear
Go to Google and type "(your name) needs" (Include quotation marks). Then pick the funniest ones there. If your name is octavius, you would put this in to the search engine: "octavius needs"
Rachael Needs to GET SERIOUS
Rachael needs cookies
Rachael needs to learn to accept things even if she doesn't like them
Rachael needs to be able to get enough stock market information to advise Joe
Rachael needs an anti-cholinesterase to slow down her mental processes a bit
Rachael needs to be investigated by a federal agency
Rachael Needs to GET SERIOUS
Rachael needs cookies
Rachael needs to learn to accept things even if she doesn't like them
Rachael needs to be able to get enough stock market information to advise Joe
Rachael needs an anti-cholinesterase to slow down her mental processes a bit
Rachael needs to be investigated by a federal agency