The Anteater
Tonight at the restaurant, one of my first tables was an older couple who sat by the window in the party room. The man was hard of hearing and slightly ornery as I took his order, had a slight misunderstanding of the menu which was easily cleared. As I took their menus and made to leave the table, the woman looked me in the eye and said, "Would you consider yourself a sharp and intelligent young lady?"
I stared, confused, and responded, "I would like to think so, yes."
"Are you going to university?"
"Yes.."
"Where?"
"Guelph."
"I see. You just seem like a very sharp and intelligent person. And I don't just mean smart, I mean aware."
"Well, thank you." I made to leave the table again but she continued, staring me right in the eyes. Spine-tingling.
"Yes, you seem very present. Do you practise presence?"
"I don't consiously no, but..."
"So you do it unconsiously?"
"Yes, I think so." I could feel myself trapped in her gaze and I felt she was staring into my mind, I tried to look away but felt drawn to her eyes. I felt uncomfortable.
"Do you ever feel as if people don't notice you are physically there? They may bump into you or something?"
"Yes, but I always thought that was due to my height, people don't often see me coming," I wanted to change conversation but my weak attempt at a joke was ignored.
"Well yes, but you seem very aware, very sharp."
"Yes, thank you... well I have to give this order to the kitchen now. Thanks." I quickly turned before she could get another word in.
The whole interaction to me; I can't get it out of my head. She was one of those people who's gaze I felt I knew. Jawad was like this. Many people at Beneficio were like this. Julia. Her friend Lynn. The guy from BC I met in the Espresso Bar a few weeks ago. I feel like they can just stare in and dissect my mind, read my thoughts. Do I connect with these people? Or is this some kind of psychic power I am sensing? Why does it make me so uncomfortable? My first instinct in this conversation was to shy from it, I felt a little violated.
And what did this woman mean when she said I was aware? I would like to think this is true, but of course; it is a trait I admire and I can't judge myself objectively. I wish I could ask her these things now, thinking back,
I stared, confused, and responded, "I would like to think so, yes."
"Are you going to university?"
"Yes.."
"Where?"
"Guelph."
"I see. You just seem like a very sharp and intelligent person. And I don't just mean smart, I mean aware."
"Well, thank you." I made to leave the table again but she continued, staring me right in the eyes. Spine-tingling.
"Yes, you seem very present. Do you practise presence?"
"I don't consiously no, but..."
"So you do it unconsiously?"
"Yes, I think so." I could feel myself trapped in her gaze and I felt she was staring into my mind, I tried to look away but felt drawn to her eyes. I felt uncomfortable.
"Do you ever feel as if people don't notice you are physically there? They may bump into you or something?"
"Yes, but I always thought that was due to my height, people don't often see me coming," I wanted to change conversation but my weak attempt at a joke was ignored.
"Well yes, but you seem very aware, very sharp."
"Yes, thank you... well I have to give this order to the kitchen now. Thanks." I quickly turned before she could get another word in.
The whole interaction to me; I can't get it out of my head. She was one of those people who's gaze I felt I knew. Jawad was like this. Many people at Beneficio were like this. Julia. Her friend Lynn. The guy from BC I met in the Espresso Bar a few weeks ago. I feel like they can just stare in and dissect my mind, read my thoughts. Do I connect with these people? Or is this some kind of psychic power I am sensing? Why does it make me so uncomfortable? My first instinct in this conversation was to shy from it, I felt a little violated.
And what did this woman mean when she said I was aware? I would like to think this is true, but of course; it is a trait I admire and I can't judge myself objectively. I wish I could ask her these things now, thinking back,