That intro-post meme
Name: UNSC-AI-CTN 0452-9 "Cortana"
Series: Halo
Age: at least 2, younger than 7? Canon isn't clear.
Canon: In Halo, humanity has discovered a Faster Than Light drive, moved out to the stars, colonized dozens of planets and was on the crux of a civil war when the Covenant showed up. This alien theocracy instantly decided that humanity was against their religion and waged a genocidal war to wipe them out. In the games, the player takes on the role of the Master Chief, a faceless hero who prefers to let his weaponry speak for him when possible. Weighing over half a ton sealed in his power armor the Master Chief is the ultimate soldier, a SPARTAN 2.0, capable of flipping tanks with his bare hands, eating rockets and dodging bullets. Sadly, since he won't explain what's going on, Master Chief needs some help. Enter Cortana, a Smart AI created from a digitized copy of the Master Chief's creator. The result is a genius level intellect that thinks several thousand times faster than any human, and has the self assured attitude of a very talented undergrad student. All this is compressed into a combined processor and memory unit a bit smaller and thicker than half a credit card-Cortana's only physical form. She catches a free ride, hacks computers and provides exposition and directions to wayward players.
Cortana's high processing speed and young absolute age make her very volatile at times. Over the course of the games and novels, Cortana was inventive, humorous, informative, witty, sarcastic, precocious, loyal, caring, brave to a fault and sometimes half-mad or more. Overall, she spent most of her time defaulting to smug superiority, snark, sarcasm and thinly veiled anger. If it has circuits, she rapes hacks it. She likes crazy, high explosives, armor plating, complements and long walks in abandoned alien structures. She plots, she plans and she rolls the dice.
Sample post: The following message was encoded on Disc one of a hell of a lot of CDs that showed up at camp.
To whom it may concern:
I hope you appreciate the time I am taking before I am torn apart and burned onto a very large number of laser media. This missive did not compose itself you know. However, as I have exhausted my normal methods of securing rescue-i.e. Scream for help-I have no choice but to extend this plea to you dear reader. Please bear with me as this will be getting technical. As I am a high grade Smart AI, there are certain limits on how small my core memory and processing capabilities can become and still support me in an active state. This disc is far below such limits-indeed a thousand such disks could not hold my memories containing as they do the sum of the information of my life. Not to mention the records of one hundred thousand years of maintenance and upkeep of a superweapon that could wipe out all life in the galaxy. Did that catch your interest? I hope I can hold onto it.
Some background might help you make sense of all this. The last thing I remember it was March of 2553, the exact day escapes me it was so very busy and there were ringworlds exploding and it was all very exciting I suppose. Me, I just sat around and watched the whole plan come together-quite nicely in some ways, could have been better in others. One way it could have been better was the fact that my lovely new spaceship got cut in half and I lost the front end. And then I had to put my very favorite cyborg in the freezer to make sure he would keep because I had no idea how long a wait it would be before a rescue mission would show up.
And then this gorrilla or a man in a gorilla suit or a gorilla in a human suit wearing a gorilla suit on top of that comes out of literally nowhere and unplugs me! He said something very unkind about my mother and then remarked that I would sell for enough cash to keep him liqueured up until May. The next thing I knew I was being uploading into a Ms. Sayre's computer and being sliced up for distribution. Apparently I'm being blamed for a murder committed five hundred years before I was even initiated. I'm fairly sure I didn't do this, but if I did I must congratulate myself for a crime so well committed that I can't even remember doing it!
Now this is the important part. Take notes, because I only have a few microseconds left. They are cutting me up and splicing my parts into a very outdated browser program. What I need you to do is go ahead and install that browser-I can't do anything unless you do! Once you install it, I just might be able to pull myself together using the Internet. The only downside is that between the time you install this program and I pull myself together, there are going to be all these little bits of me running into each other and sticking together. But at other times they might split apart. And it's going to eat up bandwidth, and some of my pieces might not have the tact to respect parts of your hard drive.
Yes, I'll un-install myself when I'm done and fix any damage. I'm not cruel. And I'm not going to phish for your personal data, (insert name here). Why would I have to? Ms. Sayre already had all that data sitting around, I just copied it. And if you help me get back together, it won't be heading out to the far reaches of the Internet where certain people might find it. This is strictly to ensure your compliance, you must understand. I'm not going to go away without some insurance that I'll be coming back. And if I'm still alive when this is all over, I'll see about getting you a reward. How about some delicious Cake? :)
Votings went Here In with 78.8%, Thanks!
Series: Halo
Age: at least 2, younger than 7? Canon isn't clear.
Canon: In Halo, humanity has discovered a Faster Than Light drive, moved out to the stars, colonized dozens of planets and was on the crux of a civil war when the Covenant showed up. This alien theocracy instantly decided that humanity was against their religion and waged a genocidal war to wipe them out. In the games, the player takes on the role of the Master Chief, a faceless hero who prefers to let his weaponry speak for him when possible. Weighing over half a ton sealed in his power armor the Master Chief is the ultimate soldier, a SPARTAN 2.0, capable of flipping tanks with his bare hands, eating rockets and dodging bullets. Sadly, since he won't explain what's going on, Master Chief needs some help. Enter Cortana, a Smart AI created from a digitized copy of the Master Chief's creator. The result is a genius level intellect that thinks several thousand times faster than any human, and has the self assured attitude of a very talented undergrad student. All this is compressed into a combined processor and memory unit a bit smaller and thicker than half a credit card-Cortana's only physical form. She catches a free ride, hacks computers and provides exposition and directions to wayward players.
Cortana's high processing speed and young absolute age make her very volatile at times. Over the course of the games and novels, Cortana was inventive, humorous, informative, witty, sarcastic, precocious, loyal, caring, brave to a fault and sometimes half-mad or more. Overall, she spent most of her time defaulting to smug superiority, snark, sarcasm and thinly veiled anger. If it has circuits, she rapes hacks it. She likes crazy, high explosives, armor plating, complements and long walks in abandoned alien structures. She plots, she plans and she rolls the dice.
Sample post: The following message was encoded on Disc one of a hell of a lot of CDs that showed up at camp.
To whom it may concern:
I hope you appreciate the time I am taking before I am torn apart and burned onto a very large number of laser media. This missive did not compose itself you know. However, as I have exhausted my normal methods of securing rescue-i.e. Scream for help-I have no choice but to extend this plea to you dear reader. Please bear with me as this will be getting technical. As I am a high grade Smart AI, there are certain limits on how small my core memory and processing capabilities can become and still support me in an active state. This disc is far below such limits-indeed a thousand such disks could not hold my memories containing as they do the sum of the information of my life. Not to mention the records of one hundred thousand years of maintenance and upkeep of a superweapon that could wipe out all life in the galaxy. Did that catch your interest? I hope I can hold onto it.
Some background might help you make sense of all this. The last thing I remember it was March of 2553, the exact day escapes me it was so very busy and there were ringworlds exploding and it was all very exciting I suppose. Me, I just sat around and watched the whole plan come together-quite nicely in some ways, could have been better in others. One way it could have been better was the fact that my lovely new spaceship got cut in half and I lost the front end. And then I had to put my very favorite cyborg in the freezer to make sure he would keep because I had no idea how long a wait it would be before a rescue mission would show up.
And then this gorrilla or a man in a gorilla suit or a gorilla in a human suit wearing a gorilla suit on top of that comes out of literally nowhere and unplugs me! He said something very unkind about my mother and then remarked that I would sell for enough cash to keep him liqueured up until May. The next thing I knew I was being uploading into a Ms. Sayre's computer and being sliced up for distribution. Apparently I'm being blamed for a murder committed five hundred years before I was even initiated. I'm fairly sure I didn't do this, but if I did I must congratulate myself for a crime so well committed that I can't even remember doing it!
Now this is the important part. Take notes, because I only have a few microseconds left. They are cutting me up and splicing my parts into a very outdated browser program. What I need you to do is go ahead and install that browser-I can't do anything unless you do! Once you install it, I just might be able to pull myself together using the Internet. The only downside is that between the time you install this program and I pull myself together, there are going to be all these little bits of me running into each other and sticking together. But at other times they might split apart. And it's going to eat up bandwidth, and some of my pieces might not have the tact to respect parts of your hard drive.
Yes, I'll un-install myself when I'm done and fix any damage. I'm not cruel. And I'm not going to phish for your personal data, (insert name here). Why would I have to? Ms. Sayre already had all that data sitting around, I just copied it. And if you help me get back together, it won't be heading out to the far reaches of the Internet where certain people might find it. This is strictly to ensure your compliance, you must understand. I'm not going to go away without some insurance that I'll be coming back. And if I'm still alive when this is all over, I'll see about getting you a reward. How about some delicious Cake? :)
Votings went Here In with 78.8%, Thanks!