at least i made it...

[socrplyr16]

wow. this week definitely blew. at least i made it to winter break though. nearly died though. Wed came complete with a full on panic attack and mental breakdown. still been having at least one or two a day since then. basically i just sit really still and mentally freak out, start shaking, and almost hyperventilate. i just had to much to do and it wore me down. i am really bummed that i didn't apply to brown though because i didn't get all of the stuff out on time. oh well... i am just disappointed with myself. plus i have developed this weird habit of being sick everytime i play soccer... i don't understand it but it has gotten to the point where i can't even drink gatorade and play. that also is bumming me out a lot because i am not playing that well. at least now it is break and i am going to mammoth to snowboard. no pressure, no stress, no commitment... finally some time on my own to sort out what i am going through and come back less stressed. too bad my parents are being really dumb right now. they think i am having a breakdown and that i need to rest, blah, blah, blah. pretty much they don't understand that i don't need to rest... i need to accomplish everything i need to do. plus it is kind of sad that they dont even care that i haven't really eaten for 3 days... and that i get sick all the time. so idk whats up with that situation. all they ever really do is come to my soccer game, analyze what i did wrong... some stuff i did good, and then let me do my own thing. i like the last part except i still have to do what they want me to do... even if it effs up my plans and everything. so pretty much this entry is just me rambling on and on. my bad.

plus my pot from ceramics got thrown away today because i didn't pick it up because i had to run from ASB rally clean-up to help my mom and i never got a chance to stop by the room. oh well. it was ugly anyways,