(no subject)
looking for some feedback on something i wrote. constructive criticism, that is... thanks. eh, forget 'constructive criticism,' be brutally honest.
[Untitled 3]
as a child you remember the summer
burning soles on concrete
as a man you'll forget the winter
watching your breath as you sleep
the sunspots have charred our eyes
darkness is my warmest ray
as teardrops fall from the sky
the spring will turn snow into rain
still you can't forgive yourself
vacancy displaces our comfort
regret: the cold winds of the south
as years melt into a lifetime
still you won't forgive yourself
still you can't forgive yourself
don't give up on summer sunshine
it's time to forgive yourself
[Untitled 3]
as a child you remember the summer
burning soles on concrete
as a man you'll forget the winter
watching your breath as you sleep
the sunspots have charred our eyes
darkness is my warmest ray
as teardrops fall from the sky
the spring will turn snow into rain
still you can't forgive yourself
vacancy displaces our comfort
regret: the cold winds of the south
as years melt into a lifetime
still you won't forgive yourself
still you can't forgive yourself
don't give up on summer sunshine
it's time to forgive yourself