losing touch

[socksergood]

I think that not seeing people other than my family all the time is kind of causing me to well in a way lose touch with reality. I Spend half the day in a kind of dazed day dream and then I realize that it's not real. It is really a weird feeling kind of living in your own world so much without talking to anyone and just like I guess in a way believing things that aren't real are. When I first noticed it I questioned my sanity but I figure it's just my way of dealing with boredom without becoming depressed. For me it was always like if I had the chance to become bored then I'd be depressed too but I only get sad after I come back from my own little world. It's just so weird because it's like I'm living inside my head and not in the real world. Nick talked to me on the internet one day possibly yesterday and like it was such a strange experience cause I haven't held a real conversation with someone since school got out and I have to say it wasn't much of a conversation. I talk to my family but we don't actually talk it's more like just getting the information from them like when dinner is or them telling me what to do. I went to the movies with some people one day and that was weird but we still didn't have much conversation because well we were watching the movie. I guess it's bad but in a way I feel like I have no real attachment anybody like in the entire world. It seems so strange to have no connections with anyone anymore. During school I had those people I'd talk to almost everyday but now it's like nobody. I think that maybe that should bother me but in a way I like it because I know I can't dissapoint anyone. Is it even my fault though? I blame myself but I mean I've just never felt that really strong connection with most people that just made it really hard to not be friends. Like for me letting go of my talking to my friends has just been so easy. I think that it's because I'm not comfortable with myself when I'm around others so like I only really feel totally comfortable when I'm by myself. I guess the one person I had a connection with was Michael cause he was my best friend and I needed him but then he started hanging out with certain whores and so we just kind of drifted apart and he said he'd call me this summer but I realized like two days into the summer that he won't. He always says he calls and then doesn't but oh well. I understand that people need other people but I have to say that I think I've learned how to live without having the other people. There are people I miss but I don't know I've given up on like being friends with anybody. People have friends who they talk to all the time and know them really well and trust and I've just never had that and I guess I never will.
Wow this is kind of a long entry.