(no subject)
Each lover has some theory of his own
About the difference between the ache
Of being with his love, and being alone:
Why what, when dreaming, is dear flesh and bone
That really stirs the senses, when awake,
Appears a simulacrum of his own.
Narcissus disbelieves in the unknown;
He cannot join his image in the lake
So long as he assumes he is alone.
The child, the waterfall, the fire, the stone,
Are always up to mischief, though, and take
The universe for granted as their own.
The elderly, like Proust, are always prone
To think of love as a subjective fake;
The more they love, the more they feel alone.
Whatever view we hold, it must be shown
Why every lover has a wish to make
Some kind of otherness his own:
Perhaps, in fact, we never are alone.
- W.H. Auden, "Are You There?"
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As I watched fireworks explode high over the Marina Bay yesterday night, it suddenly occured to me that 2007 was a ridiculously amazing year for me. It's going to be difficult, if not outright impossible, for 2008 to top the incredibility of 2007. I mean, 2007 was flat out monumental. Spending CNY in Singapore for the first time in awhile was wonderful. Leaving J. and a potentially impressive crew spring semester behind in Amherst to go to Russia, that was pretty a big step for me. Living in Siberia speaking, living and breathing Russian in the mountains with reindeer-herding people -- huge. My 21st birthday in Russia with new friends and kind flavors -- rocktastic. A nice summer respite in Europe with my favorite girlfriends on my way home to Singapore was lovely. Prague secured me TEFL certification and always having a potential job to fall back on, which is nice to know. Seeing Gregory again (and Tomek and Gabriele), heartbreakingly priceless. Starting senior year in Coolidge with the best group of friends and a solid academic bang was awesome. My thesis is going well. My life is going well, and though I have insecurities about the future, I sort of like it that way -- consecutive days without any overwhelming long-term plans. I'm home because my parents miss me enough to fly me home, which makes me feel pretty loved. I'm thankful for all this time with my grandparents, and time in Singapore which is changing at a ridiculous pace. Even though home isn't the same, it never will be, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. 2007 was a lot of luck, unexpected adventure, and putting wholehearted trust in universal goodness. Pretty surreal.