So far December can just suck my ass
So right now I can't sleep because once again I'm stressing out over stupid stupid things. Things that I should have taken care of a long time ago...and things that shouldn't be bothering me. I feel like I have soooo many assignments to catch up on...really I don't have THAT many, it just feels like it. But there are still things coming up that I need to be getting ready for...and right now I have to say that I don't give a damn about any of them. In fact, right now I'd kinda just like to quit life for a day. Relax. Enjoy being alive. Something like that. But I'm not.
I think that maybe next semester I'm going to see if my mom and dad would mind if I took a lighter workload. I'd really like to have some free time next semester, and it'd be nice to have a job, but I want to make sure I have time free to be filling out transfer school applications. I really want to get out of this place. More today than ever before I think. But today also made me think that perhaps I'm not ready for anywhere else. You know, maybe I'm not ready for anything. Maybe I should change my major. Maybe I should find something new to shoot for. I could be a dentist or something. I don't think that's a ridiculous idea honestly. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it's a really great idea. Of course, that could just be my total weariness or frustration talking...but I'm beginning to think I should start finding other options than becoming a performer. Well, at least the "musical theater" kind. Apparently everything I do is awkward and hysterical so perhaps I should just go with it...hell, embellish it even. Make THAT my gimmick. I can be the gigantic comedienne. Sounds like a plan. Except I hate that plan. And I hate thinking like this. And I know I'm not the only one who's probably a little bit disappointed right now. Or a lot disappointed. And I'm superexited for everyone who got what they wanted (deserved or not). But I can't help wondering if I'm ever going to get what I want. And that's the other awful thing. I have everything in the world anyone could ever want. And I don't want to hear a word of fake compliments. That's the other thing. This rant is not for the sake of getting a few kind words...it's those kind words that get people's hopes up when they really should have just dug a hole and gotten lower.
People really disappoint me sometimes.
And once again, I apologize to that handful of people who had to experience my wretched piano playing. You all know who you are, and feel free to blame me for whatever your current circumstances may be. I'll gladly take it.
On a happier note, I am sooo thankful right now that I'm in The Tafettas. I have to remember that I am. And I didn't even have to audition for that one...Mike just called me up and asked me to do it. Very cool. The show is adorable...and Quinn and Christina and I...I have to say...we rock that shit. The harmonies are fantastic! And I'm sure that things will only get better once Melanie joins the rehearsals. That's what's nice about really little casts like that. It's great to work with Mike and Christina again too. Granted, Christina was in Rocky with me, but I haven't seen "Willard" since Footloose. They both put smiles on my face. :-D
And on a similar note, so do my roommates. I've said it once and I'll say it again...I couldn't have gotten through this semester without them. No way. Hah, and tonight even though I was in the most awful mood ever...with a little foamy explosion and Serendipity they had a big smile on my face again. I love my girls. So I'm superthankful for them as well. :-D
No more ranting. Well, maybe some tomorrow. Haha...we'll see.
I think that maybe next semester I'm going to see if my mom and dad would mind if I took a lighter workload. I'd really like to have some free time next semester, and it'd be nice to have a job, but I want to make sure I have time free to be filling out transfer school applications. I really want to get out of this place. More today than ever before I think. But today also made me think that perhaps I'm not ready for anywhere else. You know, maybe I'm not ready for anything. Maybe I should change my major. Maybe I should find something new to shoot for. I could be a dentist or something. I don't think that's a ridiculous idea honestly. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it's a really great idea. Of course, that could just be my total weariness or frustration talking...but I'm beginning to think I should start finding other options than becoming a performer. Well, at least the "musical theater" kind. Apparently everything I do is awkward and hysterical so perhaps I should just go with it...hell, embellish it even. Make THAT my gimmick. I can be the gigantic comedienne. Sounds like a plan. Except I hate that plan. And I hate thinking like this. And I know I'm not the only one who's probably a little bit disappointed right now. Or a lot disappointed. And I'm superexited for everyone who got what they wanted (deserved or not). But I can't help wondering if I'm ever going to get what I want. And that's the other awful thing. I have everything in the world anyone could ever want. And I don't want to hear a word of fake compliments. That's the other thing. This rant is not for the sake of getting a few kind words...it's those kind words that get people's hopes up when they really should have just dug a hole and gotten lower.
People really disappoint me sometimes.
And once again, I apologize to that handful of people who had to experience my wretched piano playing. You all know who you are, and feel free to blame me for whatever your current circumstances may be. I'll gladly take it.
On a happier note, I am sooo thankful right now that I'm in The Tafettas. I have to remember that I am. And I didn't even have to audition for that one...Mike just called me up and asked me to do it. Very cool. The show is adorable...and Quinn and Christina and I...I have to say...we rock that shit. The harmonies are fantastic! And I'm sure that things will only get better once Melanie joins the rehearsals. That's what's nice about really little casts like that. It's great to work with Mike and Christina again too. Granted, Christina was in Rocky with me, but I haven't seen "Willard" since Footloose. They both put smiles on my face. :-D
And on a similar note, so do my roommates. I've said it once and I'll say it again...I couldn't have gotten through this semester without them. No way. Hah, and tonight even though I was in the most awful mood ever...with a little foamy explosion and Serendipity they had a big smile on my face again. I love my girls. So I'm superthankful for them as well. :-D
No more ranting. Well, maybe some tomorrow. Haha...we'll see.