Two Sides of a Coin
Title: Two sides of a Coin
Author: Sockittomegood
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/Jeff
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: D/s relationship,CHEATING,flogging, cbt, cock rings,
Disclaimer: I don't own these boys. Sadly they own themselves. This is fiction. Please to not be suing.
Summary: This was my fill from prompt on spnkink_meme "Jared and Jensen are in a established D/s relationship. Jensen loves to be dominated BUT he doesn't always want to "scene" sometimes he wants "normal". Jared doesn't want that. He feels if they have sex it should always include some type of bdsm. Enter Jeff. Jensen cheats with him because Jeff gives him exactly what he needs sometimes. Jeff treats him like gold makes him feel good without being dominated. Jeff knows about Jared and accepts it, Jared does not know about Jeff. Jensen loves them both. Up to the author if Jared finds out but I would prefer he didn't."
Notes: I decided to write this again. I felt my fill on the kink meme was to rushed and didn't go as in depth as I usually like to in my fics. I decided to rewrite it but leave the main story as is. I added a lot of things. I hope it is a lot better. I'm satisfied with this version. This is the first fic I've written with more story then porn. So if it sucks I apologize.
It started when Jared called Jensen "boy" outside of a scene, Jensen was so stunned he didn't say anything right away. The next time it happened he immediately told Jared he didn't want that to be said out of "scene". The look of hurt on Jared's face made Jensen back down almost immediately. That was his first mistake.
Things gradually escalated. Jared tried to get Jensen to call him Master, Jensen put his foot down and immediately used his safe word. They compromised and Jensen agreed to call Jared "sir". That was his second mistake. Jared tried to make Jensen wear a cock cage and he used his safe word again he again compromised and agreed to wear a butt plug to always be prepared for Jared to fuck him stupid. The more he compromised the more unhappy he became.
Eventually they sat down and had a honest and open discussion. Jensen made it clear he didn't want to be dominated out of the bedroom and Jared apologized and said he would try to do better. Jensen loved Jared and wanted to work things out. Things eventually got better but there was always something missing for Jensen.
Jared took the being dominated in the bedroom to the extreme, in his mind it was full on bondage and toys all the time. Sometimes Jensen wanted Jared to make love to him with no toys or restraints. Jared didn't understand that and when Jensen tried to explain it to him he said he would never be into "vanilla" sex it bored him.
Jensen missed being held and caressed, being called "boy", "whore", "bitch" all the time was starting to get old and made him feel like he was nothing.
One day he went to a book store and saw a man stocking shelves. He was instantly attracted to him. He was older and looked like he hadn't shaved in days. Jensen tried to fight it because he had Jared and loved him very much but every time he went back to the book store the older man was there. He tried not to stare but the man was so gorgeous he couldn't help himself.
"Hi"
Jensen was startled when he looked up from his book to see the older man standing in front of him.
"Ummm Hi." Jensen said hesitantly.
"I just came over to introduce myself. I notice every time you come in you are watching me. I figured we should get to know each other."
Jensen was stunned and just stared at the man. He thought for sure the older man had no idea he had been checking him out.
The older man laughed and said "It's okay no big deal. I've been staring at you to I just hide it better. My name is Jeff."
Jensen shook the hand that Jeff offered and said. "I'm Jensen"
"So do you wanna go out for coffee or something? I figure we could get out of here and get to know each other better. That way my co-workers won't be so nosy."
Jensen frowned and thought of Jared.
Jeff noticed the hesitation and said "I'm sorry if I read this all wrong. I thought you were interested. I apologize."
Jensen grabbed Jeff's wrist as he tried to get up and said "You didn't read it wrong. I am interested but I can't because I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. I'm sorry."
Jeff face fell as soon as Jensen mentioned Jared. "I understand. I'll leave you alone."
"No no don't go." Jensen said frantically as he grabbed Jeff's hand again.
The heat between them as Jensen held Jeff's hand was nothing Jensen had ever felt before. It scared him and he immediately pulled away.
"We can still be friends. Can't we?" Jensen asked hesitantly. He knew he was playing with fire but for some reason he couldn't let this man walk out of his life.
Jeff smiled and Jensen stomach flipped. The man had a beautiful smile. "Absolutely." Jeff said as he sat back down.
As the weeks went by Jensen and Jeff spent more and more time together. Jensen would spend hours at the book store just talking to Jeff about anything and everything EXCEPT Jared. Jensen knew he should feel guilty but he just couldn't. Jeff gave him things Jared couldn't or wouldn't.
After work one day Jensen came home to find Jared cooking dinner, his heart leaped maybe he finally realized Jensen needed more.
Jensen wrapped his arms around his lover and kissed the back of his neck. "What's this baby?"
Jared smiled and leaned back into Jensen's embrace. "I decided to make dinner for you since I know how hard you've been working. You are away so much I missed you."
Jensen frowned and tried not to tense in Jared's arms. He felt like shit for spending so much time with Jeff while his lover waited at home for him.
"That's sweet, I'm sorry I've been working so much." Jensen's heart clenched as he lied. "Hopefully things will settle down soon."
Jensen watched Jared as he continued to make Jensen's favorite meal, chicken cordon bleu. He smiled to himself thinking that sometimes his lover could be so thoughtful.
"Okay boy, I think it's ready." Jared said as he placed the food on one dish.
Jensen stomach dropped when he heard the word "boy" That was the signal for a start of a scene. He sighed and immediately dropped to his knees. "Why can't we just have a normal romantic dinner" Jensen thought as he waited for further instructions from his Dom.
"Go kneel by my chair." Jared ordered as he left the kitchen heading to the dining room.
"Yes, sir." Jensen said as crawled on his hands and knees and waited for his Dom to take his seat. He looked at the ground knowing better than to look at Jared without permission.
Jared began to pet Jensen's hair as he ate with his free hand. Jared's touch centered and calmed Jensen enough for him realize that this was what he needed. Jared knew that sometimes Jensen needed to forget and let his Dom take care of him. The stress of what was happening with Jeff melted away as Jared fed him pieces of their meal. They sat in silence enjoying each others company.
After dinner Jared fucked Jensen against the kitchen counter and made him beg to come. Jared told him no and sent him to bed with a hard on. As he laid in bed trying to will his erection to go away, his thoughts returned to Jeff and how that dinner would have been totally different. He wanted to find out but he just couldn't hurt Jared like that.
The weeks continued to go by and Jensen continued to try to deny his feelings for Jeff. It was getting harder and harder the more he saw him. He went to see Jeff at the bookstore on Tuesday his usual day off to tell him he couldn't do this anymore. As soon as he saw Jeff walking towards him he couldn't do it. The man was so beautiful and made him feel so special. Jensen didn't know how much longer he could hold out. He wanted Jeff he had from the beginning but he couldn't do that to Jared. He just couldn't.
Jeff seemed much more subdued then normal and that worried Jensen.
"What's wrong Jeff? Is everything okay?"
Jeff hesitated and said "How are things with your boyfriend?"
Jensen inhaled sharply and said "They are okay, not great but we are working on it. Why do you ask?"
Jeff just stared at Jensen for awhile and nodded his head as if to say okay I can do this. "What would you say if I said I wanted to take you to dinner tomorrow?"
Jensen's jaw dropped and he sat there for several seconds in silence. He instantly thought of Jared and felt so guilty that he wanted to go and have fun with Jeff instead of his boyfriend. As he continued to think about it he knew that he wanted this and didn't want to sit in a book store with Jeff forever. He needed more.
"I'd say yes and where do you want me to meet you?" Jensen said and smiled wide.
Jeff beamed at Jensen and ran his thumb up and down the inside of Jensen's wrist. "Meet me at Salvatore's on Dalton Avenue at 8. Can you get away?"
"Okay I'll be there and If I can't make it I'll text you. Okay?" Jensen said as he stood up.
"I'll see you there, Jensen." Jeff grabbed his hand and lightly squeezed it before Jensen walked away.
Later that night after Jensen told Jared he was going out with some guys from work to celebrate someones engagement he walked into Salvatore's at exactly eight. He saw Jeff sitting at the bar drinking a beer. Jensen stared at the older man who looked gorgeous in black slacks and a white button down shirt.
Jeff looked up and the minute he saw Jensen he smiled and walked over to the younger man.
"You look good. You clean up nice." Jeff said as he hugged Jensen.
"Thanks, you don't look half bad yourself." Jensen said as he grabbed Jeff's hand. It felt right to hold his hand. He felt safe.
The waiter seated them at a table in the back with plenty of privacy. Jensen had a passing thought that maybe Jeff had the waiter do that on purpose so no one that Jensen knew could see them together.
They sat in comfortable silence as they looked at their menu and after ordering Jensen looked at Jeff and smiled at the older man.
Jeff looked deep in thought then asked "Why are you out with me instead of at home with your boyfriend?"
Jensen decided that he needed to be as honest as he could at the moment "It's simple. I really like you and I feel things I haven't felt in years. You make me feel special."
Jeff held Jensen hand across the table and said "You won't leave him will you?"
Jensen frowned and admitted "No Jeff I won't. He gives me things that you can't. I love him very much. Yes we have problems but I won't leave him. If that's not okay with you we can end this now, say it's been fun and go back to our lives."
"But you don't want that do you?" Jeff said as he continued to hold Jensen's hand.
"No I don't. I really like you Jeff and want to be with you, as much as I can be anyway."
"Jensen I'll be honest. I don't want to share you but I can't let you go. I feel like we have something good and I don't want to lose it." Jeff smiled and lifted up Jensen's hand kissing it lightly.
Jensen's dick twitched in his pants as he felt Jeff's soft lips on his hand. He wanted to bend over and let the man fuck his ass in the middle of the restaurant.
After dinner they sat and talked and laughed about anything and everything. As they walked out they held hands while Jensen waited for his cab.
"I had a good time Jensen. Will I see you at the store tomorrow?"
"Of course, I can't wait. I'll be there after work."
As Jensen's cab pulled up Jeff leaned forward and kissed him gently. Jensen whimpered and opened his mouth to let Jeff in. Jeff's tongue slowly traced the inside of Jensen's mouth. Their tongues dueled for dominance, No one won because at that moment Jeff pulled away. He ran his finger along Jensen's bottom lip and whispered. "Beautiful"
Jensen knew he could never give this man up. He had never been kissed like that in his whole life. He felt a small pang in his heart thinking about Jared and why he never kissed him like that but tried to ignore it.
When Jensen got in the cab Jeff leaned in the door and whispered. "Bye baby. I'll see you tomorrow."
Jensen realized as the car pulled away that Jeff called him baby not whore, bitch or boy. He felt amazing.
When Jensen got home Jared tied him to the kitchen table and whipped his cock making him beg to come. The contrast between both men was never more clear to him then in that moment.
Jensen and Jeff spent as much time as they could together kissing and groping on Jeff's couch or in the back room at Jeff's work. Jensen still felt guilty doing this to Jared and wondered all the time if he should break up with Jeff, but every time he thought about it he'd look at Jeff and change his mind.
After a rough scene with Jared, Jensen went to Jeff's house to watch a football game and as they were making out Jeff rubbed Jensen's back, Jensen hissed and Jeff immediately pulled away.
"What's wrong?" Jeff said with a worried look on his face.
"Nothing. Don't worry." Jensen did not want to have this conversation with Jeff. That aspect of his life had nothing to do with him.
"No, you are hurt. Let me see." Jeff insisted.
Jensen hesitated but pulled his shirt off to show Jeff the welts from the flogger, Jared had beat him for hours and made him come three times.
Jeff gasped and said with his voice cracking "Di-d HE do this to you?"
Jensen looked down at the floor and nodded.
Jeff got up and yelled "I'll fucking kill him. Why didn't you tell me he hurts you? You can leave him. I'll be with you every step of the way. Seriously baby he won't get near you again."
"Jeff stop." Jensen said as he watched Jeff pace back and forth. "Jeff, baby. Jeff listen to me!!"
Jeff stopped and sat down next to Jensen.
Jensen took a deep breath and said "He isn't abusing me."
Jensen put his hand up to shush Jeff as he tried to interrupt.
"Jared and I are into BDSM. You know what that is right?"
Jeff nodded as Jensen continued.
"Jared is my Dom. I enjoy being hurt, pushed around, made to submit. I enjoy begging for everything. He didn't do anything I didn't want him to do."
Jeff hesitated and Jensen worried that he had scared the older man away by admitting that.
"Jensen I don't know if you think I can give you that but I can't. I'm not into that kind of stuff. I can't purposely hurt someone I love. That's not who I am."
"I know that Jeff. Do you remember on our first date when I said he gives me things you can't?"
Jeff nodded and Jensen continued "This was what I was talking about."
Jeff hesitated and said "What do I give you that he doesn't?"
Jensen sighed and smiled. "I love Jared but he is incapable of getting out of the Dom mode in the bedroom. I don't always want to be controlled. Sometimes I want to be held or kissed or someone to make love to me NOT fuck me. You make me feel special. You treat me like I'm made of glass and I'm precious."
Jeff smiled and kissed Jensen's forehead. "Well that's because you are special, baby."
Jeff started to kiss Jensen but pulled away and looked Jensen in the eyes. "I love you baby."
Jensen smiled and whispered against Jeff's lips. "I love you too."
They made out for several hours before Jensen reluctantly went home to Jared. When he got home Jared was passed out on the couch with a cock ring on his chest.
Jensen smiled and leaned over to kiss the sleeping man. Jared woke up slowly and smiled when he saw his sub.
"Is this for me?" Jensen smiled and held up the cock ring.
"Boy, who else would it be for?" Jared laughed and stood up.
Jensen laughed while he ran into the bedroom waiting to see what his Dom would do to him.
Jared gave Jensen a slow lazy blow job until he was completely hard then slipped on the cock ring.
"You ready for a long night boy?"
"Yes, sir." Jensen whispered.
He gasped as he saw Jared holding nipple clamps, a black hood and a ball gag.
"I love how you won't even be able to see what I'm doing to you. I own your pleasure and your pain. Isn't that right boy?"
Jensen swallowed and tried not to panic as Jared placed the hood over his face. Jensen could not see and could barely hear. "Yes, sir."
"Yes sir what?" Jared asked as he attached the nipple clamps.
Jensen winced as Jared tighten the clamp. "You own my pleasure and pain. You own me."
"That's right boy."
Jared took a feather and ran it up and down Jensen's body for hours and by the end he was a crying mess, screaming and begging to come. As Jared rammed his dick into Jensen's open hole he leaned down to take the cock ring off telling him to come.
Jensen came like never before. He exploded and screamed Jared's name through the gag. The last thing Jensen heard before he passed out was Jared saying he loved him.
Two weeks after Jeff saw Jensen's welts from the flogger, they gave each other mutual blow jobs. As Jeff hand slowly made it's way down to Jensen's ass he felt a hard object protruding from it. Jensen immediately tensed and Jeff jumped back.
"What the fuck is that?" Jeff asked with his eyes wide as saucers.
"That's my butt plug." Jensen said as he shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh your butt plug, silly me. I should have known that." Jeff said sarcastically and pulled up his pants.
Jensen sighed "Jeff what do you want me to say? I wear a plug because Jared likes it. He likes me to be open so he can slide right in when he fuck."
Jensen didn't miss Jeff flinch when he mentioned Jared sliding in his hole.
Jeff cleared his throat looked at Jensen and asked "And you're okay with that?"
"You know I am. Why are you asking that? That is what we do Jeff. I thought you could handle that."
Jeff was quiet for quite some time that it started to get uncomfortable. Jensen finally stood up to leave when Jeff whispered. "I can't do this."
Jensen gasped and said. "Say that again?"
Jeff looked up with tears in his eyes and said. "Jensen I thought I could handle this, I can't watch someone I love be hurt like this."
Jensen interrupted and yelled "I ask to be hurt Jeff!! I like this! Don't you get it?"
"Yes I do get it. Why do you want to be with someone like me who only likes to pull hair and talk dirty?"
Jensen wanted to tear his hair out as he listened to Jeff talk. "Don't you realize that I want that from you? I love you as you are. I don't want you to be like Jared. I want you Jeff Morgan. The man who likes to rub my back, make me pasta because he feels like it and so many other things."
Jeff started to cry as he said. "I'm sorry Jensen I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you flinch or gasp when you sit down knowing what is happening to you when I'm not around. I'm sorry."
Jensen didn't say anything he just turned around and walked out of the door. He cried on the drive home knowing that he lost one of the great loves of his life.
Jensen didn't see Jeff for months and he missed him terribly. He thought about going to visit him at the bookstore but knew it would hurt to much. He wanted to be with him so much, he gave him things that he never would get from Jared. It was made clear on Jared and Jensen's anniversary, Jared tied Jensen to the bed and made him come dry. By the end of the night Jensen was begging for Jared to fuck him and he did over and over. In the back of Jensen's mind he wished Jared took him to dinner and bought him a nice present, He knew that's what Jeff would have done. He cried himself to sleep when he realized he'd never have that from either man.
Two weeks after his anniversary Jensen was at work when his phone rang.
"This is Jensen, how may I help you?"
Jensen heard breathing and then the voice he hadn't heard in months "Hi."
Jensen felt like his heart leap into his throat as soon as he heard Jeff's voice. "Hi Jeff, How are you?" Jensen asked hesitantly.
Jeff cleared his throat and said "I'm terrible. I miss you so much. I can't stand not holding you,laughing with you and kissing until we can't breathe."
Tears welled up in Jensen's eyes as he said "I miss you to Jeff, but things haven't changed. I won't leave him and I won't change my lifestyle. I need it."
"I know baby. I had a lot of time to think and I realized I can't let you go, I love you to much. I don't like that aspect of your life but if I have to choose between living with that part of your life or being without you, I choose living with it."
Jensen wanted to believe him but he needed to make absolutely sure before he let himself get truly excited.
"Jeff, are you sure? I can't go through this again it hurts to much to be without you."
Jensen was scared, he laid his whole heart out to Jeff and he truly hoped he didn't stomp all over it.
"I'm absolutely positive, You are the love of my life and I can't let you go. I tried and it didn't work."
"I can't live without you either Jeff. It hurts to much. Can I come over after work. I miss you, I need to see you."
"Absolutely" Jeff said "I'll see you soon baby. I love you."
Jensen smiled as he hung up the phone. He was scared but happy. Hopefully this would work he didn't want to think about what his life would be like without Jeff. The past months proved it was to hard to be without him.
After work he went to Jeff's apartment and as soon as he walked into his arms Jensen knew everything would be okay. No matter what happened they would be in it together.
Two months later Jensen and Jeff went to Bermuda for a week. Jensen told Jared he had to go away for a work event and as he lied to his Dom's face he felt a pang of regret and wished things could be different. He was reminded why it wouldn't be when he was on his knees in the hallway as Jared fucked his face. Jared told him it was a goodbye present.
Jensen was nervous as he entered their hotel room. It was gorgeous. A huge living room with a plasma TV in the corner. A bathroom that could fit six people comfortably, a balcony that looked out on the clear blue ocean. As he walked into the bedroom Jensen blushed as he saw the bed. It was in the middle of the room and covered with satin sheets, a red couch was in the corner and a same color chair was on the other side of the bed. It was beautiful.
Jensen jumped as he felt Jeff's arms wrap around his stomach. Jeff whispered in his ear "We don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with. We can wait."
Jeff kissed Jensen's neck and moved to pull away. Jensen stopped him and turned around in the older man's arms.
"No I am completely comfortable and want you so much. I've waited long enough."
Jeff nodded and pulled him towards the bed.
Jeff made love to Jensen slow and sweet. Telling him how beautiful he was and he deserved this. Jensen had never felt so cared for and special as he did at that moment. After he came Jeff held him and whispered he loved him over and over.
Jeff got up to get a towel to clean the come and lube off each other and when he came back Jensen was crying.
"Oh my god baby! Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Jeff tried not to panic but he was scared for Jensen.
Jensen looked up with tears in his eyes and said "No babe. You didn't hurt me at all. I haven't felt like that in years. I love you."
"I love you to Jensen, so much." Jeff said as he laid next to Jensen.
The week in Bermuda was amazing for Jensen. They made love on every surface in the hotel room and on the beach in the middle of the night so no one could see.
The last day Jeff woke Jensen up right before the sunrise and fucked him on his hands and knees slamming into his prostate over and over.
"You see that Jensen?" Jeff panted as he slammed into Jensen's hole still wet from the previous night lovemaking.
Jensen moaned as Jeff's cock hit his prostate dead on. "Mhmmm?"
"You see the sun rising? Isn't it beautiful?" Jeff whispered into Jensen's ear as he slowed down his thrust.
Jensen tried to open his eyes but couldn't with Jeff grinding his cock against his prostate.
"Jeff" Jensen moaned out as Jeff lifted him up wrapping his arm around his chest so they were both kneeling on the bed.
"Look baby."
Jensen finally opened his eyes and he gasped as they watched the sunrise over the ocean.
"It's gorgeous." Jensen panted out as Jeff slowly pushed in and out of his hole.
Jensen moaned as Jeff thrust harder and deeper eventually making him scream his name over and over. They came together as the sun was high in the sky.
They made love all day only leaving the bed to eat and drink. Jensen was conflicted he didn't want to leave Bermuda but at the same time he did. He didn't want to upset Jeff but he was itching for a whip or to be strung up on suspension cuffs.
They made love one last time on the balcony watching the sunset. Jensen rode Jeff slowly. His back to Jeff's chest.
Jensen moaned out as Jeff lightly pulled his hair to whisper in his ear.
"Who do you belong to you?"
Jensen was caught off guard. Jeff had never asked that before, to him he belonged to Jeff and Jared but he knew that was not what Jeff wanted to hear at that moment.
"I asked who do you belong to?" Jeff asked louder.
Jensen moaned as Jeff thrust up as Jensen thrust down. "You"
"Who?"
"I belong to you, Jeff." Jensen almost screamed out.
"That's right. No matter who you are with or what you are doing, you are mine."
Jensen didn't say anything as he continued to slowly ride Jeff's cock. It felt so good, he couldn't help moaning out Jeff's name every time he hit his prostate.
"No baby, don't touch" Jeff said as Jensen went to grab his cock to jerk himself off. "Try to come on my cock."
Jensen groaned but started to bounce up and down faster and faster on Jeff's cock. Jeff began to thrust up as Jensen thrust down. Jensen exploded as soon as the sunset. He screamed so loud he was sure the neighbors heard him. Jeff followed soon after.
They held each other as they both tried to catch their breath. Jeff ran his fingers up and down Jensen's stomach while Jensen's breathing slowed and he fell asleep with Jeff's soft cock still in his hole.
The next morning as they walked out of the hotel Jeff held him and whispered in Jensen's ear "I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I know you need him. Just remember I need you to."
Jensen kissed him and whispered back 'I will."
Jensen and Jeff said goodbye before they boarded the airplane. They knew Jared would be waiting for Jensen, they would not be able to say goodbye there. As Jensen sat on the plane he started to feel the itch inside grow stronger, he needed his Dom. Jeff fulfilled a need he did not fully understand but so did Jared. He wanted his Dom to own him, he needed it. The longer he sat on the plane the itch got worse. "Soon" he thought. "Sir will take care of me."
When Jensen got home Jared put him in a cock ring, nipple clamps and connected them both with a chain, a penis gag in his mouth and a vibrator up his ass and left him kneeling on the living room rug while he watched the evening news. Jensen closed his eyes and waited for his Dom to play with him. He needed him to care for him as much as he needed Jeff to care for him the previous week.
On Jeff and Jensen's year anniversary Jeff took him to a bed and breakfast two towns over and made love to him all night.
As they lay in bed Jensen whispered "I'm sorry"
Jeff kissed the younger man's head and said "For what?"
Jeff felt a tear land on his chest as Jensen said "For not being able to give you all you deserve. I'm sorry I can't be with you completely."
Jeff gently lifted Jensen's jaw and had him look him in the eyes "Baby you give me everything you can. I know you love me and I know you love Jared. I will never make you choose. I know it kills you that you can't tell Jared. I see the guilt and regret in your eyes when you think I'm not looking. I get it though I know you need us both. Don't ever doubt yourself or us."
Jensen nodded and laid his head back down on Jeff's chest. As he ran his fingers through the older man's chest hair he thought about how he couldn't give Jeff up and didn't even want to think about not being with him. The weird thing was he thought the same thing about Jared. Jared wasn't perfect but neither was he and he finally could accept that. He didn't understand it, all he knew was they both made him happy for different reasons and he never wanted to let them go.
THE END.