Miserable
I don't know what's gotten into me, but I don't think it's very good.
I'm scared.
Petrifried maybe, to start school again.
I don't know if I can do it, I don't think I can.
I've lost everyone and everything and I'm so afraid I won't be able to make it through the year.
Change is supposed to be a good thing, and I'm trying to embrace that I really am, but its so hard to start from scratch.
I think my problem is, I don't want to change who I am, because I am happy with who I am well atleast I think this is true, but the problem I'm having is I just want everyone else to change to fit my lifestyle even though that is not something that can be done.
I watch so many people throwing their lives away and I think well maybe I can save them maybe I can change them and they'll understand what's going on and they'll see what they're doing and I know I can't do this.
I came to that conclusion last year, that you can't change anyone, no matter how much you try or how much you think that you've succeeded everyone is their own person and they can change back just as quickly. You have to just work on yourself and find people who match with you and discard the people who don't.
There isn't anyone out there like me.
And I liked my friends.
And I loved certain people.
And I can't change any of that.
I tried so hard to make myself believe that I don't have feelings for him, that I don't care at all and that everything can be just dandy, but I can't do that, it hurts too much. I'm still so in love with him that I can't even move on. Laying in bed one night I was so worried about going back to school and the first thing that came to my mind was how am I going to be able to do this with out joey. I have no idea, I had been in school for two months before I met him, and I was already looking into transferring or being at home because I couldn't stand being at school and having no friends. Then I found him and everything seemed perfect. Even after we broke up he was still there for me every step of the way. I can't start a year with outhim, I don't know how I'm going to do this.
I don't know why I wrote all of this...I'm just going crazy, I hope it's just because of my cold and I don't really have a problem.
I'm scared.
Petrifried maybe, to start school again.
I don't know if I can do it, I don't think I can.
I've lost everyone and everything and I'm so afraid I won't be able to make it through the year.
Change is supposed to be a good thing, and I'm trying to embrace that I really am, but its so hard to start from scratch.
I think my problem is, I don't want to change who I am, because I am happy with who I am well atleast I think this is true, but the problem I'm having is I just want everyone else to change to fit my lifestyle even though that is not something that can be done.
I watch so many people throwing their lives away and I think well maybe I can save them maybe I can change them and they'll understand what's going on and they'll see what they're doing and I know I can't do this.
I came to that conclusion last year, that you can't change anyone, no matter how much you try or how much you think that you've succeeded everyone is their own person and they can change back just as quickly. You have to just work on yourself and find people who match with you and discard the people who don't.
There isn't anyone out there like me.
And I liked my friends.
And I loved certain people.
And I can't change any of that.
I tried so hard to make myself believe that I don't have feelings for him, that I don't care at all and that everything can be just dandy, but I can't do that, it hurts too much. I'm still so in love with him that I can't even move on. Laying in bed one night I was so worried about going back to school and the first thing that came to my mind was how am I going to be able to do this with out joey. I have no idea, I had been in school for two months before I met him, and I was already looking into transferring or being at home because I couldn't stand being at school and having no friends. Then I found him and everything seemed perfect. Even after we broke up he was still there for me every step of the way. I can't start a year with outhim, I don't know how I'm going to do this.
I don't know why I wrote all of this...I'm just going crazy, I hope it's just because of my cold and I don't really have a problem.