Completion, Fulfillment, Contentment, and empty spaces
First off, mad props to Andrew on the completion of his first master work. Alchemists everywhere will rejoice at his success and laud his greatness. Yea, Praise him with great praise.
I just got back from seeing "The Notebook" with Jacqui. I was in the mood to see a chicks flick, I don't know why, I usually limit myself to just "French Kiss" and "Don Juan Demarco" but there I was. I feel weird about the whole experience though. I've never sat next to Jacqui for so long without talking to her, even though I always feel the need to occasionally make conjecture, I feel like it was the first time that I sat with her and we weren't neccesarily with each other. I don't know how to explain it. My mind has been working in strange ways though, it's probably just me with a short circuit somewhere. I've been really up the metaphorical tree in the past week and I'm still trying to pull things together.
What hurts the most is not that she is gone from me, because I know that if it is meant to be, that it will be. But it hurts so much more that I feel like I'm coming out of my depression. If I spent the rest of the summer crying in my room in the dark and playing dashboard songs, wouldn't that mean that she meant so much more to me? If it only takes me a month to deal with this, what were the 10 months that we had together? And why do I keep saying that I made the only decision that I could when I'm not sure right now who exactly I had in mind when I made it with her? Me? Her? Us?
At least I feel better even though I feel worse about feeling better if that means anything to anybody.
Shit, I just wrote a whole protracted relatively gloomy update to explain one idea that I wanted to and couldn't. Oh well, if you've read this far, it's too late.
I just got back from seeing "The Notebook" with Jacqui. I was in the mood to see a chicks flick, I don't know why, I usually limit myself to just "French Kiss" and "Don Juan Demarco" but there I was. I feel weird about the whole experience though. I've never sat next to Jacqui for so long without talking to her, even though I always feel the need to occasionally make conjecture, I feel like it was the first time that I sat with her and we weren't neccesarily with each other. I don't know how to explain it. My mind has been working in strange ways though, it's probably just me with a short circuit somewhere. I've been really up the metaphorical tree in the past week and I'm still trying to pull things together.
What hurts the most is not that she is gone from me, because I know that if it is meant to be, that it will be. But it hurts so much more that I feel like I'm coming out of my depression. If I spent the rest of the summer crying in my room in the dark and playing dashboard songs, wouldn't that mean that she meant so much more to me? If it only takes me a month to deal with this, what were the 10 months that we had together? And why do I keep saying that I made the only decision that I could when I'm not sure right now who exactly I had in mind when I made it with her? Me? Her? Us?
At least I feel better even though I feel worse about feeling better if that means anything to anybody.
Shit, I just wrote a whole protracted relatively gloomy update to explain one idea that I wanted to and couldn't. Oh well, if you've read this far, it's too late.