non-breaths
It's nights like tonights when I don't want to breath the shallow uneven non-breaths that press my chest
The breaths that calm you but won't lay your mind to rest.
My arms slink as my mind waxes and wanes and I whine in the back of my skull.
I infix expletives to my rising and falling as my mind pounds away at facts - useless facts that won't help me when the moon follows my thoughts.
I want to write to clear this time, the words flow but its just the excess. the rest... the rest is... just elipsis all the time.
I stare at pictures of my past and press myself to remember. You used to write to me all the time. Little elipsis all the time and I pretended that it bothered me. But I miss you tapping dots on my computer. and i miss you sitting on my lap while I pretended that I wasn't shy around you.
And now my pieces are laid out but they aren't where I want them. And pronouns replace me walking up to you and saying, "I want you back." Because I can sit here smug and insomed (Back Formation) writing about "its" and "you" and "they" and "I" but I can't call you to say it.
I miss you.
I miss us.
I miss me when I'm full of you.
Because you are it.
Fuck. I need some sleep. I'll try to post more coherently in the future.
The breaths that calm you but won't lay your mind to rest.
My arms slink as my mind waxes and wanes and I whine in the back of my skull.
I infix expletives to my rising and falling as my mind pounds away at facts - useless facts that won't help me when the moon follows my thoughts.
I want to write to clear this time, the words flow but its just the excess. the rest... the rest is... just elipsis all the time.
I stare at pictures of my past and press myself to remember. You used to write to me all the time. Little elipsis all the time and I pretended that it bothered me. But I miss you tapping dots on my computer. and i miss you sitting on my lap while I pretended that I wasn't shy around you.
And now my pieces are laid out but they aren't where I want them. And pronouns replace me walking up to you and saying, "I want you back." Because I can sit here smug and insomed (Back Formation) writing about "its" and "you" and "they" and "I" but I can't call you to say it.
I miss you.
I miss us.
I miss me when I'm full of you.
Because you are it.
Fuck. I need some sleep. I'll try to post more coherently in the future.