What's in Your Pants is Irrelevant (Unless it's Me)
Title: What's in Your Pants is Irrelevant (Unless it's Me)
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: socialriotbitch
Pairing: Aoi/Reita
Genre: smut
Rating: 18+
Warnings: FTM Reita, mild gender dysphoria, first time, cunnilingus, fingering, vaginal sex, sex toys, barebacking
Summary: One poorly thought out bet and a bout of bad luck has Reita fleeing, but in his desperation to not out himself, he achieves the opposite. At least to Aoi, who makes a point out of proving to Reita that he doesn't care what's between his legs. Besides the fact that it should be him, of course.
Disclaimer: I don't own the GazettE
Word count: ~7,100
Comment: Thank you to my friends for the encouragement, especially Ezzy for the helpful advice. And thanks for agreeing with me that Reita should squirt like a super soaker. It's nice to feel validated
Reita wasn't sure why he'd agreed to the bet in the first place. It was a stupid, reckless idea, and his overconfidence had really screwed him over. Or, well, if he lost, he was really screwed.
He just had to not lose. How hard could it be? He was usually pretty good at racing games, and since Ruki was there, there was no way he'd be dead last, right?
Except he'd forgotten the part where most games only had up to four-player local co-op, if that, which meant Ruki wasn't participating. Five rounds in, out two socks and a hoodie, Reita started suspecting the others of practising in secret. "Oi, when did you guys get this good at games?"
"The real question is, when did you get this bad?" Aoi, who had only removed his cardigan so far and looked quite comfortable, grinned at him. "Or are you losing on purpose so you can show off your abs?"
Ruki giggled from up on the sofa. "Probably that. Why else would someone agree to strip racing?"
"You don't get to talk shit unless you want to trade in." Reita reached out to smack his leg, furrowing his brows and sitting up straight when the next round started. No way was he losing this one. "We can take turns, you know."
"And miss the show?" Ruki shook his head, leaning back and sipping his soda. "I'm gonna enjoy watching your epic comeback."
Except by the time they got to the final lap, Reita was too far behind to possibly ever catch up, and he quickly exited to the menu, angrily throwing off his shirt.
"Dude!" Aoi threw his arms out and sent him a huffy pout. "I was about to win!"
"Nonsense, Uruha would have passed you at the last second as usual, Reita just saved you the humiliation."
"I need to change my car," Reita mumbled, navigating the menu and looking for something with more speed.
"Sure, blame the car." Uruha was grinning triumphantly, reaching for his wine and taking a swig. He was still wearing all his clothes, the bastard.
"I think you gave me a buggy controller just to see me naked." Reita sent Uruha a sharp glare, and he fortunately seemed to take the hint, the smile disappearing from his face. Uruha had known him since they were kids, after all. He knew what was at stake for Reita here, even if he sometimes forgot. Normally, Reita appreciated how it just slipped Uruha's mind, but right then, he wished he could show a little understanding.
Kai cleared his throat to lighten the tension. "Let's just go again."
The new car didn't help. Either Reita was more rusty than he'd thought, or the others had played a lot of this without him, but even with the extra speed, he still finished last, flipping Kai off when he crossed the finish line mere seconds before him, Ruki cackling evilly. "When did you become such a noob, Rei-chan?"
"Go fuck yourself, Ruki." Reita got up and gritted his teeth, pushing his sweatpants over his hip carefully, trying not to react to the wolf whistle he got from Aoi. He stood in the middle of Uruha's living room in nothing but his boxers, staring down at the floor, throwing his arms out. "There, okay. I lost. Are we done?"
"I don't know." Kai hummed thoughtfully, ignoring Reita's pleading eyes. "You still have your boxers. Why don't we do one last round to see if you get to keep them on or not?"
"Fuck no." Reita turned to hide the way Kai's suggestion made his eyes widen in fear. He couldn't risk it. He couldn't take off his underwear, but his refusal to do so would be more suspicious than anything. He'd already been an absolute idiot agreeing to this bet in the first place, he wasn't about to make the same stupid mistake twice. He was already acting weird enough.
"Come on, are you afraid of losing again?" Ruki grinned, lightly punching his shoulder, but Reita was already gathering his clothes, face hot with embarrassment and anger.
"I'm going home."
"Aw, come on, we're just teasing." Aoi actually sounded apologetic, but it didn't matter. Reita was already out of the room and on the way to the genkan, slipping his shirt back on while he walked.
Uruha caught up with him just as he started pulling his shoes on, looking back to check that nobody had followed them before leaning in and speaking softly. "I'm sorry, I totally forgot."
Reita sighed, knowing he'd put himself in the position and Uruha wasn't to blame. "It's fine. They would have known something was up if you tried to lose on purpose."
"I shouldn't have let it go so far without saying something."
"It's fine." Reita slung his heavy leather jacket over his shoulders and patted the pockets, making sure he had his phone and keys before raising one hand in a parting gesture. "See ya."
He got home and threw himself on the sofa, checking his phone and seeing a bunch of messages in the group chat, mostly apologies, and he switched the phone off and tried not to slam it too hard on the coffee table. They didn't really have anything to apologise for, but he appreciated the gesture, anyway. It'd make it easier to apologise for running out like that when he saw them next, and if he were really lucky, they wouldn't even ask any questions. He was mostly upset with himself. After a few minutes of self-loathing on the sofa, he got up and grabbed his dumbbells, deciding to work out his anger in a slightly more productive way.
About ten minutes later, his doorbell rang, and he narrowed his eyes and stared in the direction of the entrance. He hadn't called for delivery. Had the others perhaps sent him apology takeout? The bell rang again, and he grudgingly put his dumbbells down and walked to the door, opening it and gritting his teeth when he saw Aoi standing outside. "What?"
"Can I come in?"
Reita stared at him for a moment before nodding and stepping inside, going to the kitchen to get some water. He'd barely had time to work up a sweat, but he didn't want to risk dehydration. Besides, depending on what kind of mood Aoi was in, he might have to get his throat moist enough to growl at him again.
"We're really sorry, Reita." Aoi didn't really sound like he was in a teasing mood, and Reita sighed, taking a few more sips to try to cool off before he spoke.
"It was just a game, it's fine. Sorry for worrying you." In hindsight, he should have known running out like that would raise more questions than if he'd just stayed, but it was too late to go back in time. Hopefully Aoi just wanted to clear his conscience and leave.
"Still, you've always been a little shy, and we all know it. I don't know why Kai pushed like that. Maybe it was the adrenaline of not being the butt of the joke for once."
"Just drop it." Reita pushed past him and into the living room, sitting down in a chair and hoping Aoi would take the hint. He didn't really want to discuss it further.
"Listen, Reita." Aoi took a seat on the sofa, apparently about to continue, and Reita gritted his teeth in an attempt not to groan out his frustration. "I hope you know we would never look at you differently or judge you for who you are."
One of Reita's eyebrows twitched. "I said drop it."
"Stop being defensive and hear me out. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about, so shut the fuck up." Reita was about to get up, but Aoi grabbed his arm, pinning him with a sharp look.
"Except I think I do." Before he had a chance to protest, Aoi held up his hand, and Reita didn't know why he did it, but he shut up. "You've always been a little exaggerated. The overly macho attitude, the aversion to most things feminine." Aoi trailed off, licking his lips nervously, obviously weighing his next words carefully. "You're overcompensating, aren't you?"
Reita wondered if the temperature in the room had suddenly dropped by ten degrees, because he felt chilled to the bone, his throat dry like he hadn't just downed an entire glass of water two minutes ago. He tried to quickly school his features into a neutral expression before Aoi realised he'd hit the nail on the fucking head. "Eh? The fuck are you on about?"
"If I'm honest, I've suspected for years now, but it's none of my business, so I tried not to think about it. However, the way you reacted tonight made me worried, that's why I had to come."
Reita fixed him with as sharp a look as he managed, considering he was currently panicking internally. "Careful where you tread, Aoi."
"Dude, would you chill out? I'm trying to tell you there's nothing to worry about." Aoi gave him one of his warm smiles. "You will always be my best bro, and I can guarantee neither me nor the rest of the guys are gonna give a flying fuck whether you piss standing up or sitting down."
"How," Reita started, but shook his head when he realised no sound was coming out of his mouth. He felt suffocated, like there was a weight on his chest keeping him from drawing his breath. Aoi's words were meant to comfort him, but all they did was send him down a spiral of fear. Aoi knew? How many other people knew? Was he really that obvious? "How did you figure it out?"
"Relax, I don't think anyone else knows, or if they do, they're not going around telling people." Aoi's smile softened when he realised Reita wasn't going to bolt, and he took his hand off him and leaned back, slinging one arm over the back of the sofa and relaxing his posture. "Uruha knows, though, right? I mean, he kinda has to."
"Yeah." Reita went to refill his glass, realising this was really happening, he was really having this conversation. And oddly enough, the prospect of opening up didn't scare him. Maybe it would be nice to get to talk to someone about it. "Even when we first met, I think he realised I was different. He's always been so supportive, throughout all of it. I don't know what I would have done without him."
"Have you been stealth your whole life?" Aoi cocked his head like they were having a perfectly normal conversation, and Reita's brows furrowed.
"Yeah, since I could pass, at least. I figured it out early, so I got a head start on transitioning, and when we started doing visual kei, all the men looked a little ambiguous on purpose, so it was easy to blend in." Aoi nodded understandingly, and Reita stared at his water. "How do you know so much?"
"Do you really think you're the only transgender person in all of Tokyo? Besides, you said it yourself, it's easy to blend in in our circles." Aoi looked away for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, staring out the window and humming thoughtfully. "If it helps, yours isn't the only secret I'm keeping."
"There are others?" Reita's mouth felt dry again, and he was torn between wanting to respect their mutual acquaintances' right to privacy, and the desperate desire to know who else was in the same situation as him. Then again, what kind of a hypocrite would he be, if he speculated about others the exact same way he didn't want anyone speculating about him?
"If the whole point wasn't to be anonymous, I'd suggest starting a support group. I suppose it's very isolating."
"You have no idea." Reita slumped back in his chair, tipping his head back and staring at the ceiling, debating how forthcoming he should be. Then again, he owed Aoi the benefit of the doubt, and it really was quite nice to get to talk about things he'd kept bottled up for years. "And dating is fucking impossible."
"Really?" Aoi raised an eyebrow at that, and the curiosity in his tone made Reita regret having said anything at all. "But you do try, right?"
Reita went completely silent, closing his eyes and tensing up, knowing his lack of response was an answer in itself. "I didn't want to risk it."
"Like, never?"
"Never."
"Fuck." Reita nodded, and Aoi sucked in a breath. "Don't tell me you've never fucked, either."
"The hell do you think?" Reita was getting irritated now, but Aoi was unfazed.
"If you want to change that, there are options."
"I don't want to take that chance. Even if the person doesn't mind then and there, what about after? What about years down the line? One slip up from them could change my entire life forever, it's not worth risking that. The stakes are too high."
Silence hung in the air for a minute after that, and Reita was about to change the topic when Aoi caught him completely off guard with his next question. "Do you trust me?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what you just said." A hint of something akin to vulnerability flashed over Aoi's face for the briefest of moments, before his usual coy expression returned. "Could you let go with me and trust that no matter what happened, I wouldn't screw you over like that?"
Reita weighed the implications of Aoi's words in his head, confusion probably shining clearly through in his voice. "I mean, yeah, but."
"But what?"
"You're gay, right?"
Aoi's smile turned sad, and he took Reita's hand in his, squeezing it gently. "Is that what it's really about?"
Reita stared at a point on the wall. "What?"
"Do you feel dysphoric when the clothes come off? Are you afraid of the other person's reaction?"
Tears welled up in Reita's eyes, and he gripped Aoi's hand tightly, grateful he didn't pull away. He worked his throat a few times, trying to speak, but all he got out in the end was a choked "Sorta."
"If you want to elaborate, I'm here for you, but if not, that's okay."
He nodded quickly, not wanting Aoi to think he didn't appreciate his efforts. "Whenever I, uh, imagine how it would go, I think I wanna bottom, and I think that's the part that brings the dysphoria. Like, would the person fucking me think of me as a man, or as some sort of in between? I don't know what's worse between the thought of someone not wanting to fuck me because of it, or really wanting to fuck me because of it."
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I love bottoms regardless of what hole they wanna be fucked in." Aoi shot him a wink, and Reita nearly choked on his own spit.
"How can you be so casual about this?"
"Because I have experience." Aoi's hand trailed over to Reita's knee, slowly moving up his thigh. Reita watched the movement, his pulse rising already just at the faint touch, even through his sweatpants. He felt like a hormonal teenager again. "So, let me offer again. If you wanna fuck, we can fuck. I can be as subtle or blunt as you want, as gentle or rough, and it doesn't have to change anything. You're still a man, I'm still gay, and we're still best buds at the end of the night."
"You make it sound so simple."
"That's because it is simple, you're just overthinking it. Stop thinking and start feeling." Aoi dug his fingers into Reita's thigh, making his hips rise involuntarily, a surge of lust going through him that he hadn't felt in a long time.
Okay, yeah, so he was repressed. He normally shied away from any sexual touch or attention, laughing it off as a joke or just outright rejecting it. He was terrified of his own feelings, terrified that he might end up wanting someone, knowing he could never have it.
Except apparently, now he could. Aoi's fingers were massaging his thigh, rubbing firmly, and even though Reita was instinctively trying to recoil into the seat and disappear between the cushions, he didn't stop. In fact, the bigger Reita's eyes got, the wider Aoi's grin grew, until he stood up and leaned over him, burying his fingers in his hair.
"Do you want it?" Aoi's lips nearly brushed Reita's when he spoke, his hand on his thigh now so high up, he was past the line of his boxers. Reita gripped the armrest, nodding quickly, staring at Aoi's mouth the entire time. "Do you want me?"
"Yes," Reita managed to whisper, and Aoi's mouth descended on his, pressing their lips together in a kiss that showed no consideration for the fact that it was Reita's first. He didn't know what to do with himself, but Aoi fortunately did, guiding Reita's tongue with his, sucking on it, nipping at his bottom lip when Reita gasped for breath.
It wasn't until Aoi's hands moved to the hem of his shirt that Reita stuttered, gripping his wrists and looking up nervously. He'd never felt so self-conscious before, despite knowing he had nothing to worry about. The surgery scars had faded so long ago, nobody ever noticed, but would Aoi look for them now that he knew they were there?
"You're still thinking with the wrong head," Aoi whispered, pulling Reita's shirt up and over his head, tossing it on the sofa and discarding his own along with it. "Wanna move to the bedroom? I know a way to make all your thoughts disappear."
At least Aoi was his usual smooth-talking self, and the familiar tone soothed Reita's nerves somewhat. He nodded grudgingly, waiting until Aoi moved away before he got up, taking a moment to stabilise himself. His knees seemed a little shaky, his thighs trembling faintly, and he both loved and hated how much Aoi was affecting him. He was right, it really did make it harder for Reita to think, when his feelings were so overwhelming.
Part of him was still scared that Aoi might take advantage of it. He could lull Reita into a false sense of comfort, fry his rational brain with dopamine and use him for his own selfish needs. Even if that weren't the case, they were still only one bad argument and a moment of vindictive rage away from Aoi destroying everything Reita had worked so hard on building.
"You coming?" Aoi's voice came down the hall, sounding muffled, and Reita shook his head to clear his thoughts, smiling at the irony. Thinking about not thinking led to more thinking, and he was tired of his own thoughts.
"Yeah, sorry." He followed the sound of Aoi's voice to the bedroom, running his hand through his hair to slick it back, but he could have saved himself the effort. He barely got the door open before he was pulled through it, slammed against the wall, Aoi's hand in his hair again, tugging at it while their lips joined like they'd never parted.
Reita didn't know what to do with his hands, so they instinctively went up to rest on Aoi's shoulders, his touch light, unsure. Aoi didn't seem bothered, he kept stealing Reita's breath away with his lips and tongue, his movements distinctly lacking hesitation. Reita's nerves were slowly fading, despite his heart picking up pace, blood pumping through his body, heading in a specific direction.
When Aoi pulled back, Reita noticed he was already in his boxers, his socks and jeans in a heap on the floor. He reached for Reita's sweatpants, and Reita flinched back, but Aoi pulled him closer by the waistband, nipping at his lips again. "I thought we agreed on no thinking."
"I'm not, that was a reflex." He forced himself to stay still while Aoi pushed his trousers down, biting his lip when his hands trailed around to the back, grabbing his ass. It wasn't like he'd never touched it before, though never like this. Never with such hunger, desire.
Reita hoped it wouldn't vanish when the last layer came off.
Aoi shifted them to the side and shoved Reita down on the bed, hoisting him higher up and hovering over him, his hair tickling Reita's cheeks. Aoi's hips dropped, grinding against Reita's bare thigh, and he grinned down at him suggestively. His tongue flicked out over Reita's lips, one hand slipping down to his boxers, fingers dipping just underneath the hem. "I wanna blow you."
Reita couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head at Aoi's absurdity. And yet, even as the seconds passed and Reita went still again, Aoi's eyes held no indication he'd been joking. "You're serious?"
"'Course I'm fucking serious." Aoi cocked his head, straightening up enough to grab Reita's boxers in both hands, pulling them down before he had time to protest. He dropped the boxers and Reita's packer gently over the edge of the bed, and when he looked down at him, licking his lips like he was about to devour him, Reita managed to silence his doubts once more. That wasn't the look of a man riddled with uncertainty.
Hands gripped under his knees, raising his legs, and Reita buried his fingers in the sheets, holding his breath when Aoi's lips pressed to his thigh. Aoi held his gaze while he kissed his way down, slowly moving to his inner thigh, and Reita clenched his jaw so hard, it hurt. A million questions were racing through his head, everything from "fuck, was this a mistake?" to "how will he react?" to "what if I don't even like it?", but he couldn't get a word out, could do nothing but hold on to the sheets for dear life while he watched helplessly.
Aoi's broad tongue stroked over his slit, and Reita drew his breath so fast, he almost choked. The pleased glint in Aoi's eyes made Reita shudder, reaching down to grab his head and push him down in a silent bid for more. He'd never felt anything but toys and his own hands before, so to have Aoi's hot, wet tongue lick him like that was almost too much to bear. Even he could tell he was wet already, and his cheeks burned with shame, but he couldn't bring himself to push Aoi away, not when he wasn't resisting.
Aoi gave him a few more licks, waiting until he relaxed a little before pushing his thighs apart, holding him open with his thumbs and humming languidly. "You're so hard already, I'm flattered." Reita followed his gaze and shuddered at the sight of his clit, swollen with blood, and he instinctively tried to close his legs.
His thighs pressed against the sides of Aoi's head in vain, unsuccessful in stopping him from wrapping his lips around his clit, wrenching a cry of pleasure from Reita. The direct stimulation was almost too much, and when Aoi rubbed his tongue against the underside, Reita quickly dissolved into a broken record of moans. Aoi had been right, it was impossible to overthink anything anymore. In fact, Reita could barely manage to hold a single thought in his head at all beyond just fuck, that feels amazing.
Even the obscene noises of Aoi's wet slurping were drowned out by Reita's deep groans. His fingers tangled tightly in Aoi's hair, holding on to it like a lifeline while he arched up against his mouth. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to pull away or beg for more, stuck between loving the pleasure Aoi was bringing him and being ashamed by how easily he was affected.
Aoi lifted his head to speak, nudging Reita's leg with his cheek. "Unclench." Reita nodded, spreading his legs again and taking deep, calming breaths while he watched Aoi suck on two of his fingers, winking down at him. His stomach fluttered nervously, but Aoi hadn't given him any reasons to doubt him yet, so Reita forced himself to relax, trying to empty his mind once more. It was easy when Aoi's lips closed around him, sucking gently until Reita started moaning again, giving his hair a soft tug that quickly turned sharp when something pressed against his hole.
Aoi's finger slid in easily, further confirming just how turned on Reita was in that moment, and he cursed breathlessly, lips remaining parted, gasping for air. "Damn, Reita, you're so loose. Do you want my cock that badly?" Reita didn't even manage a nod in reply, and Aoi chuckled, his grin turning smug. "Already speechless, huh?"
Reita's eyes rolled back into his skull when Aoi curled his finger and licked his clit at the same time, both sensations at once nearly overwhelming. He didn't even notice Aoi pushing two fingers into him and starting to thrust them, too caught up in the rhythmic pleasure and the hot suction of his mouth.
When Aoi began gently bobbing his head, Reita was done for. His deft fingers had found just the right angle, slamming into him and turning his brain to mush, making his legs tremble with the effort it took not to close them. Aoi's free hand grabbed his thigh and pushed it back, pressing his knee to his chest, and his fingers seemed to slide deeper, filling him so good, yet only making Reita want more.
He'd fingered himself before, fucked himself with dildos, vibrating ones, rotating ones, but nothing could compare to Aoi's touch, to his hot mouth. Maybe Reita was just drunk on oxytocin, too consumed by pleasure to think clearly, but he couldn't deny that this felt different in the best of ways.
Aoi dug his nails into his thigh, shifting slightly to the side, and started pumping his fingers into Reita at a pace that was almost too much, right on that edge where it felt so good, he couldn't form a single thought in his head. When he added pressure to his clit with his tongue, Reita's fingers tightened in his hair, pushing his head down desperately. "Oh fuck, Aoi, I can't, I'm-"
He interrupted himself with a strained whine, his back arching, muscles tensing, and no matter how much he might try, he couldn't hold back the inevitable. His orgasm rippled through him, but to his surprise, it didn't stop there. Reita had never known he could squirt, but something wet was definitely gushing out of him, and his cheeks turned deep red with embarrassment when Aoi didn't pull away.
In fact, Aoi kept at it, pumping his fingers into him, sucking on his clit until it almost turned painful before he finally lifted his head, licking his lips with that annoying smirk of his. Reita, meanwhile, was biting down on the back of his hand, his eyes wide and faintly moist, and he wanted to apologise, but the words died on his tongue.
Aoi chuckled, looking down at his wet arm. "Damn, you came a lot." Reita lifted the hand away from his lips and tried again to apologise, but Aoi leaned down and kissed him, stealing his breath away. He tasted different now, and Reita tried to place it, but all too soon, he pulled away. "Feeling okay?"
"Okay doesn't quite cut it." Reita cleared his throat when he realised how rough his voice was, and Aoi laughed, the bastard. There was one question still at the front of his mind, though at this point it was probably less of a question and more of a statement. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
"What, sucked trans dick?" Reita winced, and Aoi grabbed his thigh again, the firm touch calming in a strange way. "Told you I'm good at keeping secrets."
"Right, just didn't know your experience was that intimate, I guess." Now that the aftershocks had faded, Reita's brain had resumed its annoying thinking, and he was quickly spiralling. "And it doesn't make you feel any less… you know?"
Aoi sighed, the smile fading from his face. "I'd be offended if I didn't know this was purely your insecurities speaking. No, Reita, it doesn't make either of us any less valid. We're still who we are. Unless you wanna argue all you are is what's between your legs."
Reita shook his head, but his eyes were growing wetter, and of course Aoi picked up on that immediately. He lay down on top of him, curling an arm around his waist, hoisting him slightly up. Even through the boxers, he could tell Aoi was undeniably hard, and when the outline of his cock nestled against Reita's slit, he bit his lip and turned his head away.
He felt a lot of things in that moment. Envy, of course, but also desire, pride that he'd affected Aoi so strongly, and a weird sense of acceptance. Aoi started slowly grinding his hips, rubbing himself between his lips, and Reita wished he could tear that last layer of cloth right off. "Fuck me."
Aoi hummed. "I want to, but I didn't bring a condom."
Reita laughed at that, trailing his hands down Aoi's back to grip his ass. "Don't worry, I'm sterile."
"Not what I meant." Aoi's lips curved in a smile, his eyes locking with Reita's. "You really meant it when you said you trust me, huh?"
Oh. Reita blushed, but yes, he trusted Aoi wouldn't do anything to jeopardise his safety in any way. "Then I guess the question is, do you trust me?"
"Well." Aoi dragged the word out with a teasing grin, and Reita punched his shoulder, but he didn't get much of a reaction. "You're definitely a virgin, so you should be clean, unless you've been sharing needles with strangers."
"Ugh, forget it."
"Okay." Aoi pulled away like it was nothing, but Reita was quick to react, grabbing his arms and pulling him back down again, wrapping his legs around him to keep him in place. "Nice bluff, too bad I called it."
"Yeah, yeah." Smug bastard. If Reita didn't know Aoi was always like this, he would have kicked him out. "Can you just take them off already?"
"What, my boxers?" Aoi raised an eyebrow like he didn't know what Reita was talking about, but he didn't grace him with a reply. "You know you don't owe me anything, right?"
Reita nodded before Aoi could think he was unsure, but it took him a moment to be able to admit it out loud. "I want you."
"You're normally so bold, it's weird how shy you get with just a little teasing."
"You said it yourself." Reita averted his gaze, his cheeks heating up again. "I overcompensate."
"Lucky for you, I know how to fix it." Aoi bit down on Reita's exposed neck, making him howl in shock and pain, gripping his hair and trying to pull him away. Aoi laved his tongue over the marks left behind by his teeth, running his hands down Reita's thighs, giving his hips a firm squeeze. "Do you have lube?"
Reita gestured to his nightstand. "Bottom drawer."
"You're gonna have to let go of me now," Aoi whispered against his ear, and Reita rolled his eyes, but he untangled his limbs from his body. Aoi got up, grabbed Reita's hips, and turned him so his ass was hanging off the edge of the mattress, forcing him to grab his legs to keep from falling off. He sent Aoi a glare, but he didn't see it, already looking through Reita's drawer. "Oh, fuck yeah."
He straightened up again, holding the lube in one hand, and in the other, one of Reita's hitachi wands. Reita's eyes widened, and he bit down on his lip, but Aoi didn't notice, busy pressing the buttons, testing the different settings. "Is the battery good? I'd hate for it to die on me in the middle of it."
Reita was a little nervous what 'it' could refer to, but mostly curious, especially when Aoi pushed his boxers down, kicking them off with a surprising lack of elegance. "Should be good, unless you plan on going for hours."
"That totally depends on you." Aoi set down the magic wand and coated his fingers in lube, pushing them back into Reita and grinning at the way his breath hitched. He gave him a couple of teasing thrusts before pulling out again, squeezing a generous amount of lube into his palm and tossing the tube on the bed, wrapping his hand around his dick, drawing Reita's gaze to it. "How's the view?"
He watched Aoi stroke himself from base to tip, then down again, moaning obscenely. He wanted to feel it inside him, filling him, wanted to know if it would feel as good as Aoi's fingers had. Yet as the seconds passed, Aoi didn't move, staying just out of reach, hand moving over his cock. Reita forced himself to tear his gaze away to study his expression, but there was nothing on Aoi's face that suggested he wasn't ready. "Are we waiting for something?"
"Yep." Reita's brows furrowed, and Aoi reached for the wand, turning it on and moving it between Reita's legs. The second the vibrations touched his clit, Reita jolted, clenching his jaw and gripping his legs tighter. "See if you can figure it out."
Figure out what? He didn't have the faintest idea what Aoi was fishing for, and it wasn't like it was easier to think with a fucking vibrator pressed against his sensitive flesh. His poor clit was starting to look red, and when Aoi turned the intensity up, he let out a strained moan. "Damnit, Aoi, would you just fuck me already?"
"Ooh, close, but not quite." Aoi looked deeply amused, still just stroking himself languidly while holding the wand in place, watching Reita's reactions hungrily. "Try again."
"What, you want me to fucking beg?" The curl of Aoi's lips told Reita that was exactly what he wanted, and he groaned in frustration, closing his eyes and licking his lips. Of course he wanted him to beg, it wasn't like he'd changed personality all of a sudden. Reita almost managed to work up to it, but then the vibrations grew stronger again, and his words got lost in a string of whimpers.
It was so hard to put his desires into words while his brain was being fried with pleasure, especially when he found it embarrassing to even try. After a moment of trying to catch his breath, he eventually gave up on sounding at all eloquent, choking out the words as best he could. "Please fuck me."
Aoi seemed to have an infuriating amount of patience, tilting his head to the side innocently. "I don't know, are you sure? It doesn't sound like you really want it."
"I do." Reita panted again, tipping his head back with a cry when Aoi turned the vibrations up, pressing them against his clit and rubbing slightly back and forth. Reita felt like his mind was melting, his muscles tensing and thighs quivering from the pleasure, and the second he managed to get his tongue to cooperate, he did his best to satisfy Aoi. "Please, I want you, want your cock inside me, stop torturing me and just fill me already."
"Do you need it?" Reita nodded frantically, gasping when the head of Aoi's cock brushed his cunt, wishing he had the leverage to push back. "Come on, you're almost there, just a little more."
Reita forced himself to open his eyes, meeting Aoi's gaze and noticing that he was finally starting to lose his composure. He licked his sore, puffy lips, giving Aoi a pleading look, spreading his legs as much as he could. "I need it so badly, give me your cock, fuck me, please."
With a steady roll of his hips, Aoi pushed inside, and Reita lost it completely. The second Aoi's dick settled to the hilt, Reita started clenching, his muscles contracting for the second time while surprised moans spilled from his lips, almost deafening the sound of the wand. Aoi rubbed the vibrator against his pelvis, rocking his hips shallowly, moaning along with him. "Fuck, look at you, cumming with my cock inside you. You're quite the treat."
Reita struggled to catch his breath, twitching faintly, his pulse so loud, he could hear it. He barely registered what Aoi was saying, but when he gripped his wrist and moved his hand to the hitachi, he shook his head. "It's too much."
"Maybe right now, hang on." Aoi turned the handle so he could see the buttons, turning the intensity down until it was nothing more than a pleasant buzz, and now Reita gripped it tightly. "There you go, keep it right where it feels best for you." With both hands free, he grabbed Reita's hips, pulling out of him and sliding back in, moaning deeply. "You are one slippery ride, Reita."
"Shut up." Reita was sure his cheeks were completely red by now, but he didn't look away. The pleasure on Aoi's face was too mesmerising, the way he moaned, thrusting between his legs like it was the most natural thing in the world. "How are you still holding back?"
"Practice." Aoi winked, sliding out and back in again, teasingly slow. "I'm being considerate."
"Yeah, well, quit it." Aoi cocked an eyebrow, stilling completely, and Reita growled. "I'm not some fragile fucking flower, okay? Fuck me like you mean it."
"You sure?" Despite the question, Aoi started thrusting properly, adjusting his stance and leaning into it.
"Yes, damnit. Fuck me so hard I cry, or don't fuck me at all."
"Careful what you wish for." The gleam in Aoi's eyes was downright predatory, and Reita barely had time to steel himself before nails dug into his hips, pulling him closer. Aoi's thrusts ramped up until Reita whimpered, his cock slamming deep into him every time, painfully good. Reita gritted his teeth, just lying back and enjoying it for a minute, letting himself rock back and forth on his sheets, held in place only by Aoi's firm hands.
His body started working up to another orgasm, though Reita didn't know if he had it in him. He was already so exhausted, struggling just to hold on to the toy, though by now, the faint vibrations weren't doing much. He tried to turn it to find the buttons, but Aoi placed one hand over his, sliding his thumb underneath until a mechanical click sounded through the room.
Reita paled when he realised what he was planning, shaking his head, but Aoi grinned, turning the intensity up one ominous click at a time. "Wait," Reita stuttered, shuddering when he realised how tender his skin was getting, but when he tried to move the wand away, Aoi held it in place.
"No, keep it there." Aoi was getting breathless, still somehow moving his hips. "I have a promise to make good on."
"I can't." Reita's voice was barely a whisper, drowned out by strained cries a moment later.
"You can." When Aoi realised the toy was already on the highest setting, he leaned over Reita, snapping his hips against him hard enough to keep him from talking. He didn't quite shut him up, per se, considering Reita was now whining and sobbing desperately, squirming beneath him, trying and failing to form words. "Come on, cum for me again. Give me one more, stop thinking and just let go."
And Reita did. Through desperate whines and futile shakes of his head, he tensed up again, clenching around Aoi hard enough to pull him over the edge with him. Aoi pulled out at the last second, letting go of Reita's hip to jerk himself instead, spattering his thighs and ass with cum. He kept the vibrator pressed against his clit, even when Reita clamped his thighs tightly around his hand, grinding against it.
He rode the vibrations until he couldn't take it anymore, and this time when he pushed Aoi away, he didn't resist. He was quick to turn the toy off and set it carefully on the bed, lifting Reita higher up and lying down next to him, watching him with a sated smile.
Reita couldn't speak for several minutes, staring up at the ceiling and panting heavily, feeling so heavy, tired, in a good way. Not unlike the way he felt after lives. "Thanks."
"Back at ya." Now that Reita managed to focus his eyes enough to meet Aoi's gaze, he draped an arm over his abdomen, lightly dragging his nails over his hip. "I hope I wasn't too mean to you."
"You were, but I like you that way." Again the insecurities came flooding back to the surface, but it was a little easier to not let them control him. "Honestly, it would have been worse if you started acting differently."
"Nope, same old me." Aoi pretended to flex, prompting a breathless laugh from Reita. "And you? Is the dysphoria bothering you?"
Reita broke the eye contact then, looking down at Aoi's arm around his waist. "I expected it to be worse, honestly. I thought I'd get too in my head to cum at all, but you managed to take my mind off it, so thank you."
"I'm good, right?" Reita rolled his eyes, flinching when Aoi swung his leg over and hovered above him, bending down until their noses brushed. "I hope that means we can do it again sometime, because I really enjoyed myself."
There wasn't a hint of uncertainty on Aoi's face. Reita's stomach tensed, apprehension coiling in his gut, but he knew that was just a bad habit he'd have to work on overcoming. He'd held back for too long, now that he'd already taken the plunge with Aoi, did he really have anything to lose by doing it again? "Just don't tell anyone."
"Seriously, stop worrying. I'm obviously going to tease you a little, but I'll deny it if anyone asks outright." Aoi leaned down to bite his neck again, groping Reita's ass, and the fact that he kept touching him after it was over was so soothing, Reita couldn't be mad at him for the bite marks. "Even if they try to torture it out of me, I won't admit I sucked your cock so good you exploded all over me."
Reita had to push a laughing Aoi off him.
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: socialriotbitch
Pairing: Aoi/Reita
Genre: smut
Rating: 18+
Warnings: FTM Reita, mild gender dysphoria, first time, cunnilingus, fingering, vaginal sex, sex toys, barebacking
Summary: One poorly thought out bet and a bout of bad luck has Reita fleeing, but in his desperation to not out himself, he achieves the opposite. At least to Aoi, who makes a point out of proving to Reita that he doesn't care what's between his legs. Besides the fact that it should be him, of course.
Disclaimer: I don't own the GazettE
Word count: ~7,100
Comment: Thank you to my friends for the encouragement, especially Ezzy for the helpful advice. And thanks for agreeing with me that Reita should squirt like a super soaker. It's nice to feel validated
Reita wasn't sure why he'd agreed to the bet in the first place. It was a stupid, reckless idea, and his overconfidence had really screwed him over. Or, well, if he lost, he was really screwed.
He just had to not lose. How hard could it be? He was usually pretty good at racing games, and since Ruki was there, there was no way he'd be dead last, right?
Except he'd forgotten the part where most games only had up to four-player local co-op, if that, which meant Ruki wasn't participating. Five rounds in, out two socks and a hoodie, Reita started suspecting the others of practising in secret. "Oi, when did you guys get this good at games?"
"The real question is, when did you get this bad?" Aoi, who had only removed his cardigan so far and looked quite comfortable, grinned at him. "Or are you losing on purpose so you can show off your abs?"
Ruki giggled from up on the sofa. "Probably that. Why else would someone agree to strip racing?"
"You don't get to talk shit unless you want to trade in." Reita reached out to smack his leg, furrowing his brows and sitting up straight when the next round started. No way was he losing this one. "We can take turns, you know."
"And miss the show?" Ruki shook his head, leaning back and sipping his soda. "I'm gonna enjoy watching your epic comeback."
Except by the time they got to the final lap, Reita was too far behind to possibly ever catch up, and he quickly exited to the menu, angrily throwing off his shirt.
"Dude!" Aoi threw his arms out and sent him a huffy pout. "I was about to win!"
"Nonsense, Uruha would have passed you at the last second as usual, Reita just saved you the humiliation."
"I need to change my car," Reita mumbled, navigating the menu and looking for something with more speed.
"Sure, blame the car." Uruha was grinning triumphantly, reaching for his wine and taking a swig. He was still wearing all his clothes, the bastard.
"I think you gave me a buggy controller just to see me naked." Reita sent Uruha a sharp glare, and he fortunately seemed to take the hint, the smile disappearing from his face. Uruha had known him since they were kids, after all. He knew what was at stake for Reita here, even if he sometimes forgot. Normally, Reita appreciated how it just slipped Uruha's mind, but right then, he wished he could show a little understanding.
Kai cleared his throat to lighten the tension. "Let's just go again."
The new car didn't help. Either Reita was more rusty than he'd thought, or the others had played a lot of this without him, but even with the extra speed, he still finished last, flipping Kai off when he crossed the finish line mere seconds before him, Ruki cackling evilly. "When did you become such a noob, Rei-chan?"
"Go fuck yourself, Ruki." Reita got up and gritted his teeth, pushing his sweatpants over his hip carefully, trying not to react to the wolf whistle he got from Aoi. He stood in the middle of Uruha's living room in nothing but his boxers, staring down at the floor, throwing his arms out. "There, okay. I lost. Are we done?"
"I don't know." Kai hummed thoughtfully, ignoring Reita's pleading eyes. "You still have your boxers. Why don't we do one last round to see if you get to keep them on or not?"
"Fuck no." Reita turned to hide the way Kai's suggestion made his eyes widen in fear. He couldn't risk it. He couldn't take off his underwear, but his refusal to do so would be more suspicious than anything. He'd already been an absolute idiot agreeing to this bet in the first place, he wasn't about to make the same stupid mistake twice. He was already acting weird enough.
"Come on, are you afraid of losing again?" Ruki grinned, lightly punching his shoulder, but Reita was already gathering his clothes, face hot with embarrassment and anger.
"I'm going home."
"Aw, come on, we're just teasing." Aoi actually sounded apologetic, but it didn't matter. Reita was already out of the room and on the way to the genkan, slipping his shirt back on while he walked.
Uruha caught up with him just as he started pulling his shoes on, looking back to check that nobody had followed them before leaning in and speaking softly. "I'm sorry, I totally forgot."
Reita sighed, knowing he'd put himself in the position and Uruha wasn't to blame. "It's fine. They would have known something was up if you tried to lose on purpose."
"I shouldn't have let it go so far without saying something."
"It's fine." Reita slung his heavy leather jacket over his shoulders and patted the pockets, making sure he had his phone and keys before raising one hand in a parting gesture. "See ya."
He got home and threw himself on the sofa, checking his phone and seeing a bunch of messages in the group chat, mostly apologies, and he switched the phone off and tried not to slam it too hard on the coffee table. They didn't really have anything to apologise for, but he appreciated the gesture, anyway. It'd make it easier to apologise for running out like that when he saw them next, and if he were really lucky, they wouldn't even ask any questions. He was mostly upset with himself. After a few minutes of self-loathing on the sofa, he got up and grabbed his dumbbells, deciding to work out his anger in a slightly more productive way.
About ten minutes later, his doorbell rang, and he narrowed his eyes and stared in the direction of the entrance. He hadn't called for delivery. Had the others perhaps sent him apology takeout? The bell rang again, and he grudgingly put his dumbbells down and walked to the door, opening it and gritting his teeth when he saw Aoi standing outside. "What?"
"Can I come in?"
Reita stared at him for a moment before nodding and stepping inside, going to the kitchen to get some water. He'd barely had time to work up a sweat, but he didn't want to risk dehydration. Besides, depending on what kind of mood Aoi was in, he might have to get his throat moist enough to growl at him again.
"We're really sorry, Reita." Aoi didn't really sound like he was in a teasing mood, and Reita sighed, taking a few more sips to try to cool off before he spoke.
"It was just a game, it's fine. Sorry for worrying you." In hindsight, he should have known running out like that would raise more questions than if he'd just stayed, but it was too late to go back in time. Hopefully Aoi just wanted to clear his conscience and leave.
"Still, you've always been a little shy, and we all know it. I don't know why Kai pushed like that. Maybe it was the adrenaline of not being the butt of the joke for once."
"Just drop it." Reita pushed past him and into the living room, sitting down in a chair and hoping Aoi would take the hint. He didn't really want to discuss it further.
"Listen, Reita." Aoi took a seat on the sofa, apparently about to continue, and Reita gritted his teeth in an attempt not to groan out his frustration. "I hope you know we would never look at you differently or judge you for who you are."
One of Reita's eyebrows twitched. "I said drop it."
"Stop being defensive and hear me out. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about, so shut the fuck up." Reita was about to get up, but Aoi grabbed his arm, pinning him with a sharp look.
"Except I think I do." Before he had a chance to protest, Aoi held up his hand, and Reita didn't know why he did it, but he shut up. "You've always been a little exaggerated. The overly macho attitude, the aversion to most things feminine." Aoi trailed off, licking his lips nervously, obviously weighing his next words carefully. "You're overcompensating, aren't you?"
Reita wondered if the temperature in the room had suddenly dropped by ten degrees, because he felt chilled to the bone, his throat dry like he hadn't just downed an entire glass of water two minutes ago. He tried to quickly school his features into a neutral expression before Aoi realised he'd hit the nail on the fucking head. "Eh? The fuck are you on about?"
"If I'm honest, I've suspected for years now, but it's none of my business, so I tried not to think about it. However, the way you reacted tonight made me worried, that's why I had to come."
Reita fixed him with as sharp a look as he managed, considering he was currently panicking internally. "Careful where you tread, Aoi."
"Dude, would you chill out? I'm trying to tell you there's nothing to worry about." Aoi gave him one of his warm smiles. "You will always be my best bro, and I can guarantee neither me nor the rest of the guys are gonna give a flying fuck whether you piss standing up or sitting down."
"How," Reita started, but shook his head when he realised no sound was coming out of his mouth. He felt suffocated, like there was a weight on his chest keeping him from drawing his breath. Aoi's words were meant to comfort him, but all they did was send him down a spiral of fear. Aoi knew? How many other people knew? Was he really that obvious? "How did you figure it out?"
"Relax, I don't think anyone else knows, or if they do, they're not going around telling people." Aoi's smile softened when he realised Reita wasn't going to bolt, and he took his hand off him and leaned back, slinging one arm over the back of the sofa and relaxing his posture. "Uruha knows, though, right? I mean, he kinda has to."
"Yeah." Reita went to refill his glass, realising this was really happening, he was really having this conversation. And oddly enough, the prospect of opening up didn't scare him. Maybe it would be nice to get to talk to someone about it. "Even when we first met, I think he realised I was different. He's always been so supportive, throughout all of it. I don't know what I would have done without him."
"Have you been stealth your whole life?" Aoi cocked his head like they were having a perfectly normal conversation, and Reita's brows furrowed.
"Yeah, since I could pass, at least. I figured it out early, so I got a head start on transitioning, and when we started doing visual kei, all the men looked a little ambiguous on purpose, so it was easy to blend in." Aoi nodded understandingly, and Reita stared at his water. "How do you know so much?"
"Do you really think you're the only transgender person in all of Tokyo? Besides, you said it yourself, it's easy to blend in in our circles." Aoi looked away for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, staring out the window and humming thoughtfully. "If it helps, yours isn't the only secret I'm keeping."
"There are others?" Reita's mouth felt dry again, and he was torn between wanting to respect their mutual acquaintances' right to privacy, and the desperate desire to know who else was in the same situation as him. Then again, what kind of a hypocrite would he be, if he speculated about others the exact same way he didn't want anyone speculating about him?
"If the whole point wasn't to be anonymous, I'd suggest starting a support group. I suppose it's very isolating."
"You have no idea." Reita slumped back in his chair, tipping his head back and staring at the ceiling, debating how forthcoming he should be. Then again, he owed Aoi the benefit of the doubt, and it really was quite nice to get to talk about things he'd kept bottled up for years. "And dating is fucking impossible."
"Really?" Aoi raised an eyebrow at that, and the curiosity in his tone made Reita regret having said anything at all. "But you do try, right?"
Reita went completely silent, closing his eyes and tensing up, knowing his lack of response was an answer in itself. "I didn't want to risk it."
"Like, never?"
"Never."
"Fuck." Reita nodded, and Aoi sucked in a breath. "Don't tell me you've never fucked, either."
"The hell do you think?" Reita was getting irritated now, but Aoi was unfazed.
"If you want to change that, there are options."
"I don't want to take that chance. Even if the person doesn't mind then and there, what about after? What about years down the line? One slip up from them could change my entire life forever, it's not worth risking that. The stakes are too high."
Silence hung in the air for a minute after that, and Reita was about to change the topic when Aoi caught him completely off guard with his next question. "Do you trust me?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what you just said." A hint of something akin to vulnerability flashed over Aoi's face for the briefest of moments, before his usual coy expression returned. "Could you let go with me and trust that no matter what happened, I wouldn't screw you over like that?"
Reita weighed the implications of Aoi's words in his head, confusion probably shining clearly through in his voice. "I mean, yeah, but."
"But what?"
"You're gay, right?"
Aoi's smile turned sad, and he took Reita's hand in his, squeezing it gently. "Is that what it's really about?"
Reita stared at a point on the wall. "What?"
"Do you feel dysphoric when the clothes come off? Are you afraid of the other person's reaction?"
Tears welled up in Reita's eyes, and he gripped Aoi's hand tightly, grateful he didn't pull away. He worked his throat a few times, trying to speak, but all he got out in the end was a choked "Sorta."
"If you want to elaborate, I'm here for you, but if not, that's okay."
He nodded quickly, not wanting Aoi to think he didn't appreciate his efforts. "Whenever I, uh, imagine how it would go, I think I wanna bottom, and I think that's the part that brings the dysphoria. Like, would the person fucking me think of me as a man, or as some sort of in between? I don't know what's worse between the thought of someone not wanting to fuck me because of it, or really wanting to fuck me because of it."
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I love bottoms regardless of what hole they wanna be fucked in." Aoi shot him a wink, and Reita nearly choked on his own spit.
"How can you be so casual about this?"
"Because I have experience." Aoi's hand trailed over to Reita's knee, slowly moving up his thigh. Reita watched the movement, his pulse rising already just at the faint touch, even through his sweatpants. He felt like a hormonal teenager again. "So, let me offer again. If you wanna fuck, we can fuck. I can be as subtle or blunt as you want, as gentle or rough, and it doesn't have to change anything. You're still a man, I'm still gay, and we're still best buds at the end of the night."
"You make it sound so simple."
"That's because it is simple, you're just overthinking it. Stop thinking and start feeling." Aoi dug his fingers into Reita's thigh, making his hips rise involuntarily, a surge of lust going through him that he hadn't felt in a long time.
Okay, yeah, so he was repressed. He normally shied away from any sexual touch or attention, laughing it off as a joke or just outright rejecting it. He was terrified of his own feelings, terrified that he might end up wanting someone, knowing he could never have it.
Except apparently, now he could. Aoi's fingers were massaging his thigh, rubbing firmly, and even though Reita was instinctively trying to recoil into the seat and disappear between the cushions, he didn't stop. In fact, the bigger Reita's eyes got, the wider Aoi's grin grew, until he stood up and leaned over him, burying his fingers in his hair.
"Do you want it?" Aoi's lips nearly brushed Reita's when he spoke, his hand on his thigh now so high up, he was past the line of his boxers. Reita gripped the armrest, nodding quickly, staring at Aoi's mouth the entire time. "Do you want me?"
"Yes," Reita managed to whisper, and Aoi's mouth descended on his, pressing their lips together in a kiss that showed no consideration for the fact that it was Reita's first. He didn't know what to do with himself, but Aoi fortunately did, guiding Reita's tongue with his, sucking on it, nipping at his bottom lip when Reita gasped for breath.
It wasn't until Aoi's hands moved to the hem of his shirt that Reita stuttered, gripping his wrists and looking up nervously. He'd never felt so self-conscious before, despite knowing he had nothing to worry about. The surgery scars had faded so long ago, nobody ever noticed, but would Aoi look for them now that he knew they were there?
"You're still thinking with the wrong head," Aoi whispered, pulling Reita's shirt up and over his head, tossing it on the sofa and discarding his own along with it. "Wanna move to the bedroom? I know a way to make all your thoughts disappear."
At least Aoi was his usual smooth-talking self, and the familiar tone soothed Reita's nerves somewhat. He nodded grudgingly, waiting until Aoi moved away before he got up, taking a moment to stabilise himself. His knees seemed a little shaky, his thighs trembling faintly, and he both loved and hated how much Aoi was affecting him. He was right, it really did make it harder for Reita to think, when his feelings were so overwhelming.
Part of him was still scared that Aoi might take advantage of it. He could lull Reita into a false sense of comfort, fry his rational brain with dopamine and use him for his own selfish needs. Even if that weren't the case, they were still only one bad argument and a moment of vindictive rage away from Aoi destroying everything Reita had worked so hard on building.
"You coming?" Aoi's voice came down the hall, sounding muffled, and Reita shook his head to clear his thoughts, smiling at the irony. Thinking about not thinking led to more thinking, and he was tired of his own thoughts.
"Yeah, sorry." He followed the sound of Aoi's voice to the bedroom, running his hand through his hair to slick it back, but he could have saved himself the effort. He barely got the door open before he was pulled through it, slammed against the wall, Aoi's hand in his hair again, tugging at it while their lips joined like they'd never parted.
Reita didn't know what to do with his hands, so they instinctively went up to rest on Aoi's shoulders, his touch light, unsure. Aoi didn't seem bothered, he kept stealing Reita's breath away with his lips and tongue, his movements distinctly lacking hesitation. Reita's nerves were slowly fading, despite his heart picking up pace, blood pumping through his body, heading in a specific direction.
When Aoi pulled back, Reita noticed he was already in his boxers, his socks and jeans in a heap on the floor. He reached for Reita's sweatpants, and Reita flinched back, but Aoi pulled him closer by the waistband, nipping at his lips again. "I thought we agreed on no thinking."
"I'm not, that was a reflex." He forced himself to stay still while Aoi pushed his trousers down, biting his lip when his hands trailed around to the back, grabbing his ass. It wasn't like he'd never touched it before, though never like this. Never with such hunger, desire.
Reita hoped it wouldn't vanish when the last layer came off.
Aoi shifted them to the side and shoved Reita down on the bed, hoisting him higher up and hovering over him, his hair tickling Reita's cheeks. Aoi's hips dropped, grinding against Reita's bare thigh, and he grinned down at him suggestively. His tongue flicked out over Reita's lips, one hand slipping down to his boxers, fingers dipping just underneath the hem. "I wanna blow you."
Reita couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head at Aoi's absurdity. And yet, even as the seconds passed and Reita went still again, Aoi's eyes held no indication he'd been joking. "You're serious?"
"'Course I'm fucking serious." Aoi cocked his head, straightening up enough to grab Reita's boxers in both hands, pulling them down before he had time to protest. He dropped the boxers and Reita's packer gently over the edge of the bed, and when he looked down at him, licking his lips like he was about to devour him, Reita managed to silence his doubts once more. That wasn't the look of a man riddled with uncertainty.
Hands gripped under his knees, raising his legs, and Reita buried his fingers in the sheets, holding his breath when Aoi's lips pressed to his thigh. Aoi held his gaze while he kissed his way down, slowly moving to his inner thigh, and Reita clenched his jaw so hard, it hurt. A million questions were racing through his head, everything from "fuck, was this a mistake?" to "how will he react?" to "what if I don't even like it?", but he couldn't get a word out, could do nothing but hold on to the sheets for dear life while he watched helplessly.
Aoi's broad tongue stroked over his slit, and Reita drew his breath so fast, he almost choked. The pleased glint in Aoi's eyes made Reita shudder, reaching down to grab his head and push him down in a silent bid for more. He'd never felt anything but toys and his own hands before, so to have Aoi's hot, wet tongue lick him like that was almost too much to bear. Even he could tell he was wet already, and his cheeks burned with shame, but he couldn't bring himself to push Aoi away, not when he wasn't resisting.
Aoi gave him a few more licks, waiting until he relaxed a little before pushing his thighs apart, holding him open with his thumbs and humming languidly. "You're so hard already, I'm flattered." Reita followed his gaze and shuddered at the sight of his clit, swollen with blood, and he instinctively tried to close his legs.
His thighs pressed against the sides of Aoi's head in vain, unsuccessful in stopping him from wrapping his lips around his clit, wrenching a cry of pleasure from Reita. The direct stimulation was almost too much, and when Aoi rubbed his tongue against the underside, Reita quickly dissolved into a broken record of moans. Aoi had been right, it was impossible to overthink anything anymore. In fact, Reita could barely manage to hold a single thought in his head at all beyond just fuck, that feels amazing.
Even the obscene noises of Aoi's wet slurping were drowned out by Reita's deep groans. His fingers tangled tightly in Aoi's hair, holding on to it like a lifeline while he arched up against his mouth. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to pull away or beg for more, stuck between loving the pleasure Aoi was bringing him and being ashamed by how easily he was affected.
Aoi lifted his head to speak, nudging Reita's leg with his cheek. "Unclench." Reita nodded, spreading his legs again and taking deep, calming breaths while he watched Aoi suck on two of his fingers, winking down at him. His stomach fluttered nervously, but Aoi hadn't given him any reasons to doubt him yet, so Reita forced himself to relax, trying to empty his mind once more. It was easy when Aoi's lips closed around him, sucking gently until Reita started moaning again, giving his hair a soft tug that quickly turned sharp when something pressed against his hole.
Aoi's finger slid in easily, further confirming just how turned on Reita was in that moment, and he cursed breathlessly, lips remaining parted, gasping for air. "Damn, Reita, you're so loose. Do you want my cock that badly?" Reita didn't even manage a nod in reply, and Aoi chuckled, his grin turning smug. "Already speechless, huh?"
Reita's eyes rolled back into his skull when Aoi curled his finger and licked his clit at the same time, both sensations at once nearly overwhelming. He didn't even notice Aoi pushing two fingers into him and starting to thrust them, too caught up in the rhythmic pleasure and the hot suction of his mouth.
When Aoi began gently bobbing his head, Reita was done for. His deft fingers had found just the right angle, slamming into him and turning his brain to mush, making his legs tremble with the effort it took not to close them. Aoi's free hand grabbed his thigh and pushed it back, pressing his knee to his chest, and his fingers seemed to slide deeper, filling him so good, yet only making Reita want more.
He'd fingered himself before, fucked himself with dildos, vibrating ones, rotating ones, but nothing could compare to Aoi's touch, to his hot mouth. Maybe Reita was just drunk on oxytocin, too consumed by pleasure to think clearly, but he couldn't deny that this felt different in the best of ways.
Aoi dug his nails into his thigh, shifting slightly to the side, and started pumping his fingers into Reita at a pace that was almost too much, right on that edge where it felt so good, he couldn't form a single thought in his head. When he added pressure to his clit with his tongue, Reita's fingers tightened in his hair, pushing his head down desperately. "Oh fuck, Aoi, I can't, I'm-"
He interrupted himself with a strained whine, his back arching, muscles tensing, and no matter how much he might try, he couldn't hold back the inevitable. His orgasm rippled through him, but to his surprise, it didn't stop there. Reita had never known he could squirt, but something wet was definitely gushing out of him, and his cheeks turned deep red with embarrassment when Aoi didn't pull away.
In fact, Aoi kept at it, pumping his fingers into him, sucking on his clit until it almost turned painful before he finally lifted his head, licking his lips with that annoying smirk of his. Reita, meanwhile, was biting down on the back of his hand, his eyes wide and faintly moist, and he wanted to apologise, but the words died on his tongue.
Aoi chuckled, looking down at his wet arm. "Damn, you came a lot." Reita lifted the hand away from his lips and tried again to apologise, but Aoi leaned down and kissed him, stealing his breath away. He tasted different now, and Reita tried to place it, but all too soon, he pulled away. "Feeling okay?"
"Okay doesn't quite cut it." Reita cleared his throat when he realised how rough his voice was, and Aoi laughed, the bastard. There was one question still at the front of his mind, though at this point it was probably less of a question and more of a statement. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
"What, sucked trans dick?" Reita winced, and Aoi grabbed his thigh again, the firm touch calming in a strange way. "Told you I'm good at keeping secrets."
"Right, just didn't know your experience was that intimate, I guess." Now that the aftershocks had faded, Reita's brain had resumed its annoying thinking, and he was quickly spiralling. "And it doesn't make you feel any less… you know?"
Aoi sighed, the smile fading from his face. "I'd be offended if I didn't know this was purely your insecurities speaking. No, Reita, it doesn't make either of us any less valid. We're still who we are. Unless you wanna argue all you are is what's between your legs."
Reita shook his head, but his eyes were growing wetter, and of course Aoi picked up on that immediately. He lay down on top of him, curling an arm around his waist, hoisting him slightly up. Even through the boxers, he could tell Aoi was undeniably hard, and when the outline of his cock nestled against Reita's slit, he bit his lip and turned his head away.
He felt a lot of things in that moment. Envy, of course, but also desire, pride that he'd affected Aoi so strongly, and a weird sense of acceptance. Aoi started slowly grinding his hips, rubbing himself between his lips, and Reita wished he could tear that last layer of cloth right off. "Fuck me."
Aoi hummed. "I want to, but I didn't bring a condom."
Reita laughed at that, trailing his hands down Aoi's back to grip his ass. "Don't worry, I'm sterile."
"Not what I meant." Aoi's lips curved in a smile, his eyes locking with Reita's. "You really meant it when you said you trust me, huh?"
Oh. Reita blushed, but yes, he trusted Aoi wouldn't do anything to jeopardise his safety in any way. "Then I guess the question is, do you trust me?"
"Well." Aoi dragged the word out with a teasing grin, and Reita punched his shoulder, but he didn't get much of a reaction. "You're definitely a virgin, so you should be clean, unless you've been sharing needles with strangers."
"Ugh, forget it."
"Okay." Aoi pulled away like it was nothing, but Reita was quick to react, grabbing his arms and pulling him back down again, wrapping his legs around him to keep him in place. "Nice bluff, too bad I called it."
"Yeah, yeah." Smug bastard. If Reita didn't know Aoi was always like this, he would have kicked him out. "Can you just take them off already?"
"What, my boxers?" Aoi raised an eyebrow like he didn't know what Reita was talking about, but he didn't grace him with a reply. "You know you don't owe me anything, right?"
Reita nodded before Aoi could think he was unsure, but it took him a moment to be able to admit it out loud. "I want you."
"You're normally so bold, it's weird how shy you get with just a little teasing."
"You said it yourself." Reita averted his gaze, his cheeks heating up again. "I overcompensate."
"Lucky for you, I know how to fix it." Aoi bit down on Reita's exposed neck, making him howl in shock and pain, gripping his hair and trying to pull him away. Aoi laved his tongue over the marks left behind by his teeth, running his hands down Reita's thighs, giving his hips a firm squeeze. "Do you have lube?"
Reita gestured to his nightstand. "Bottom drawer."
"You're gonna have to let go of me now," Aoi whispered against his ear, and Reita rolled his eyes, but he untangled his limbs from his body. Aoi got up, grabbed Reita's hips, and turned him so his ass was hanging off the edge of the mattress, forcing him to grab his legs to keep from falling off. He sent Aoi a glare, but he didn't see it, already looking through Reita's drawer. "Oh, fuck yeah."
He straightened up again, holding the lube in one hand, and in the other, one of Reita's hitachi wands. Reita's eyes widened, and he bit down on his lip, but Aoi didn't notice, busy pressing the buttons, testing the different settings. "Is the battery good? I'd hate for it to die on me in the middle of it."
Reita was a little nervous what 'it' could refer to, but mostly curious, especially when Aoi pushed his boxers down, kicking them off with a surprising lack of elegance. "Should be good, unless you plan on going for hours."
"That totally depends on you." Aoi set down the magic wand and coated his fingers in lube, pushing them back into Reita and grinning at the way his breath hitched. He gave him a couple of teasing thrusts before pulling out again, squeezing a generous amount of lube into his palm and tossing the tube on the bed, wrapping his hand around his dick, drawing Reita's gaze to it. "How's the view?"
He watched Aoi stroke himself from base to tip, then down again, moaning obscenely. He wanted to feel it inside him, filling him, wanted to know if it would feel as good as Aoi's fingers had. Yet as the seconds passed, Aoi didn't move, staying just out of reach, hand moving over his cock. Reita forced himself to tear his gaze away to study his expression, but there was nothing on Aoi's face that suggested he wasn't ready. "Are we waiting for something?"
"Yep." Reita's brows furrowed, and Aoi reached for the wand, turning it on and moving it between Reita's legs. The second the vibrations touched his clit, Reita jolted, clenching his jaw and gripping his legs tighter. "See if you can figure it out."
Figure out what? He didn't have the faintest idea what Aoi was fishing for, and it wasn't like it was easier to think with a fucking vibrator pressed against his sensitive flesh. His poor clit was starting to look red, and when Aoi turned the intensity up, he let out a strained moan. "Damnit, Aoi, would you just fuck me already?"
"Ooh, close, but not quite." Aoi looked deeply amused, still just stroking himself languidly while holding the wand in place, watching Reita's reactions hungrily. "Try again."
"What, you want me to fucking beg?" The curl of Aoi's lips told Reita that was exactly what he wanted, and he groaned in frustration, closing his eyes and licking his lips. Of course he wanted him to beg, it wasn't like he'd changed personality all of a sudden. Reita almost managed to work up to it, but then the vibrations grew stronger again, and his words got lost in a string of whimpers.
It was so hard to put his desires into words while his brain was being fried with pleasure, especially when he found it embarrassing to even try. After a moment of trying to catch his breath, he eventually gave up on sounding at all eloquent, choking out the words as best he could. "Please fuck me."
Aoi seemed to have an infuriating amount of patience, tilting his head to the side innocently. "I don't know, are you sure? It doesn't sound like you really want it."
"I do." Reita panted again, tipping his head back with a cry when Aoi turned the vibrations up, pressing them against his clit and rubbing slightly back and forth. Reita felt like his mind was melting, his muscles tensing and thighs quivering from the pleasure, and the second he managed to get his tongue to cooperate, he did his best to satisfy Aoi. "Please, I want you, want your cock inside me, stop torturing me and just fill me already."
"Do you need it?" Reita nodded frantically, gasping when the head of Aoi's cock brushed his cunt, wishing he had the leverage to push back. "Come on, you're almost there, just a little more."
Reita forced himself to open his eyes, meeting Aoi's gaze and noticing that he was finally starting to lose his composure. He licked his sore, puffy lips, giving Aoi a pleading look, spreading his legs as much as he could. "I need it so badly, give me your cock, fuck me, please."
With a steady roll of his hips, Aoi pushed inside, and Reita lost it completely. The second Aoi's dick settled to the hilt, Reita started clenching, his muscles contracting for the second time while surprised moans spilled from his lips, almost deafening the sound of the wand. Aoi rubbed the vibrator against his pelvis, rocking his hips shallowly, moaning along with him. "Fuck, look at you, cumming with my cock inside you. You're quite the treat."
Reita struggled to catch his breath, twitching faintly, his pulse so loud, he could hear it. He barely registered what Aoi was saying, but when he gripped his wrist and moved his hand to the hitachi, he shook his head. "It's too much."
"Maybe right now, hang on." Aoi turned the handle so he could see the buttons, turning the intensity down until it was nothing more than a pleasant buzz, and now Reita gripped it tightly. "There you go, keep it right where it feels best for you." With both hands free, he grabbed Reita's hips, pulling out of him and sliding back in, moaning deeply. "You are one slippery ride, Reita."
"Shut up." Reita was sure his cheeks were completely red by now, but he didn't look away. The pleasure on Aoi's face was too mesmerising, the way he moaned, thrusting between his legs like it was the most natural thing in the world. "How are you still holding back?"
"Practice." Aoi winked, sliding out and back in again, teasingly slow. "I'm being considerate."
"Yeah, well, quit it." Aoi cocked an eyebrow, stilling completely, and Reita growled. "I'm not some fragile fucking flower, okay? Fuck me like you mean it."
"You sure?" Despite the question, Aoi started thrusting properly, adjusting his stance and leaning into it.
"Yes, damnit. Fuck me so hard I cry, or don't fuck me at all."
"Careful what you wish for." The gleam in Aoi's eyes was downright predatory, and Reita barely had time to steel himself before nails dug into his hips, pulling him closer. Aoi's thrusts ramped up until Reita whimpered, his cock slamming deep into him every time, painfully good. Reita gritted his teeth, just lying back and enjoying it for a minute, letting himself rock back and forth on his sheets, held in place only by Aoi's firm hands.
His body started working up to another orgasm, though Reita didn't know if he had it in him. He was already so exhausted, struggling just to hold on to the toy, though by now, the faint vibrations weren't doing much. He tried to turn it to find the buttons, but Aoi placed one hand over his, sliding his thumb underneath until a mechanical click sounded through the room.
Reita paled when he realised what he was planning, shaking his head, but Aoi grinned, turning the intensity up one ominous click at a time. "Wait," Reita stuttered, shuddering when he realised how tender his skin was getting, but when he tried to move the wand away, Aoi held it in place.
"No, keep it there." Aoi was getting breathless, still somehow moving his hips. "I have a promise to make good on."
"I can't." Reita's voice was barely a whisper, drowned out by strained cries a moment later.
"You can." When Aoi realised the toy was already on the highest setting, he leaned over Reita, snapping his hips against him hard enough to keep him from talking. He didn't quite shut him up, per se, considering Reita was now whining and sobbing desperately, squirming beneath him, trying and failing to form words. "Come on, cum for me again. Give me one more, stop thinking and just let go."
And Reita did. Through desperate whines and futile shakes of his head, he tensed up again, clenching around Aoi hard enough to pull him over the edge with him. Aoi pulled out at the last second, letting go of Reita's hip to jerk himself instead, spattering his thighs and ass with cum. He kept the vibrator pressed against his clit, even when Reita clamped his thighs tightly around his hand, grinding against it.
He rode the vibrations until he couldn't take it anymore, and this time when he pushed Aoi away, he didn't resist. He was quick to turn the toy off and set it carefully on the bed, lifting Reita higher up and lying down next to him, watching him with a sated smile.
Reita couldn't speak for several minutes, staring up at the ceiling and panting heavily, feeling so heavy, tired, in a good way. Not unlike the way he felt after lives. "Thanks."
"Back at ya." Now that Reita managed to focus his eyes enough to meet Aoi's gaze, he draped an arm over his abdomen, lightly dragging his nails over his hip. "I hope I wasn't too mean to you."
"You were, but I like you that way." Again the insecurities came flooding back to the surface, but it was a little easier to not let them control him. "Honestly, it would have been worse if you started acting differently."
"Nope, same old me." Aoi pretended to flex, prompting a breathless laugh from Reita. "And you? Is the dysphoria bothering you?"
Reita broke the eye contact then, looking down at Aoi's arm around his waist. "I expected it to be worse, honestly. I thought I'd get too in my head to cum at all, but you managed to take my mind off it, so thank you."
"I'm good, right?" Reita rolled his eyes, flinching when Aoi swung his leg over and hovered above him, bending down until their noses brushed. "I hope that means we can do it again sometime, because I really enjoyed myself."
There wasn't a hint of uncertainty on Aoi's face. Reita's stomach tensed, apprehension coiling in his gut, but he knew that was just a bad habit he'd have to work on overcoming. He'd held back for too long, now that he'd already taken the plunge with Aoi, did he really have anything to lose by doing it again? "Just don't tell anyone."
"Seriously, stop worrying. I'm obviously going to tease you a little, but I'll deny it if anyone asks outright." Aoi leaned down to bite his neck again, groping Reita's ass, and the fact that he kept touching him after it was over was so soothing, Reita couldn't be mad at him for the bite marks. "Even if they try to torture it out of me, I won't admit I sucked your cock so good you exploded all over me."
Reita had to push a laughing Aoi off him.