Loss of a Loved One
Well, it’s the end of an era, folks. My old car has finally been approved for retirement and is currently receiving his gold watch (it’s actually bronze, but his eyesight’s going anyway). He’s been through quite a lot: getting stuck on a football field at 10:00 at night, obtaining a huge dent à la Frank Pannullo’s forehead, impaling his bumper in another sedan’s passenger side door, shattering a taillight with his side view mirror, ending up-by some unknown force-on Khristina’s front lawn, etc. Ahhh…The examples brought forth such a pleasant monsoon of memories. An-y-way, let us bow our heads for a moment of silence………………………………………………………………..*GASP* I’m not wearing socks!
Review of his wonderful, completely unique features:
-Power windows that make loud, machinegun-esque clicky noises when you push the buttons.
-A slow-and-steady-wins-the-race mentality when it comes to driving on Route 18-or anywhere, for that matter.
-Conveniently removable headlight switch.
-A drunken swagger that’s guaranteed to attract cops within a 15 mile radius.
-Bullet holes along door to detract attention from the forehead imprint. Bonus function: gives it a real, edgy 2Pac’s-crime-scene vibe (automatic street cred aquired).
-Footprints on windshield to remind driver that legs should be under the dashboard.
-Insanely comfortable inclined plane armrest.
-Nonexistent front bumper to add an abstract feel.
You will be missed.
Review of his wonderful, completely unique features:
-Power windows that make loud, machinegun-esque clicky noises when you push the buttons.
-A slow-and-steady-wins-the-race mentality when it comes to driving on Route 18-or anywhere, for that matter.
-Conveniently removable headlight switch.
-A drunken swagger that’s guaranteed to attract cops within a 15 mile radius.
-Bullet holes along door to detract attention from the forehead imprint. Bonus function: gives it a real, edgy 2Pac’s-crime-scene vibe (automatic street cred aquired).
-Footprints on windshield to remind driver that legs should be under the dashboard.
-Insanely comfortable inclined plane armrest.
-Nonexistent front bumper to add an abstract feel.
You will be missed.