Xx.EMOte.xX
Emo. Wherever you go, the word follows-like the grandmotherly stench of a taxi cab, or your endless throng of bitches (well, I guess I shouldn’t be that specific). You may be asking yourself, “Where did this horn-rimmed beast with corduroyed skin and a wafer-thin heart come from? Does it have a known weakness? Silver bullet? Stake through the heart? Kryptonite Kleenex box, perhaps?” First off, your naivety could make nativity Jesus blush: you’re never going to be able to conquer it yourself, so just forget it. Its only weakness is time, which can turn a style into a denial faster than fact turns to fiction on CNN. “So,” you ask, “what can be done in the meantime?” Well, Chuck, I’m glad you’re more inquisitive than Oliver was. The solution is simple: milk the situation more meticulously than you did with Betsy back at the farm.
HOW TO START YOUR VERY OWN EMO BAND
1.) Mention letters as much as possible in your song titles. Kids seem to get a real kick out of this; and they learn some new letters too, so Teacha’s happy! Tell them if you’re talking specifically about the “P” in “appellation,” but be sure to say which “P” in “appellation” you’re referring to. Examples: “Michelle With One L” by The Get Up Kids, “The D In Detroit” by The Anniversary, “Cute Without the 'E' (Cut From the Team)” by Taking Back Sunday, “There's No 'I ' In Team” by Taking Back Sunday, etc.
2.) Don’t just have your heart broken: keep shards of it on your shoulder.
3.) Name your band after a day of the week, but do it quickly! Taking Back Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have already been nabbed. Some suggestions: Giving Out Monday, The "F" in Friday With One “Y,” From Satur to Day-zies.
4.) Deny you’re emo, obviously. Say you hate the label because labels are bad and labels are only for soup cans man and can hurt people and you’re just not about hurting people because your band’s not like that and cannot be categorized by one stupid fucking word which cannot even begin to describe the complexities of your-they’re more like labyrinths-songs.
5.) Don’t eat. EVER. I mean it. One sandwich can lower your emo-ness by 5 whole scene points. Besides, how are you going to get those tight jeans to meld with your skin if you keep stretching them out with your pine needle-sized legs? I want those Sally Struthers kids to look at you and say, “Daaaaaaaamn, son. You should eat something. In partikalah, mah beats travel like a vortex!” Last sentence optional but recommended, ‘cause it would be funny.
6.) You’ve seen those bag ladies at Grand Central Station, right? Are you just gonna let them take your look? Get one of your hardcore friends to go to New York and bludgeon them all to death before it’s too late!
And whatever you say, I'M PUNKER THAN THOU: http://www.angelfire.com/ks/katieholmes6/Picture_072.jpg
HOW TO START YOUR VERY OWN EMO BAND
1.) Mention letters as much as possible in your song titles. Kids seem to get a real kick out of this; and they learn some new letters too, so Teacha’s happy! Tell them if you’re talking specifically about the “P” in “appellation,” but be sure to say which “P” in “appellation” you’re referring to. Examples: “Michelle With One L” by The Get Up Kids, “The D In Detroit” by The Anniversary, “Cute Without the 'E' (Cut From the Team)” by Taking Back Sunday, “There's No 'I ' In Team” by Taking Back Sunday, etc.
2.) Don’t just have your heart broken: keep shards of it on your shoulder.
3.) Name your band after a day of the week, but do it quickly! Taking Back Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have already been nabbed. Some suggestions: Giving Out Monday, The "F" in Friday With One “Y,” From Satur to Day-zies.
4.) Deny you’re emo, obviously. Say you hate the label because labels are bad and labels are only for soup cans man and can hurt people and you’re just not about hurting people because your band’s not like that and cannot be categorized by one stupid fucking word which cannot even begin to describe the complexities of your-they’re more like labyrinths-songs.
5.) Don’t eat. EVER. I mean it. One sandwich can lower your emo-ness by 5 whole scene points. Besides, how are you going to get those tight jeans to meld with your skin if you keep stretching them out with your pine needle-sized legs? I want those Sally Struthers kids to look at you and say, “Daaaaaaaamn, son. You should eat something. In partikalah, mah beats travel like a vortex!” Last sentence optional but recommended, ‘cause it would be funny.
6.) You’ve seen those bag ladies at Grand Central Station, right? Are you just gonna let them take your look? Get one of your hardcore friends to go to New York and bludgeon them all to death before it’s too late!
And whatever you say, I'M PUNKER THAN THOU: http://www.angelfire.com/ks/katieholmes6/Picture_072.jpg
