I Know One Thing Though, I Need My Music. I Need A Fucking Concert. I Need To Let Go.
I feel so thrown.
I went to bed last nite around 10:00 because I just couldn't handle it any more. The only option was to shut myself off, so sleeping was the only answer. I just lyed there for an hour or so. So then I put The Distillers in my walkman and I listened to it to help me fall asleep. I don't know what it was, but once Brody started balling out those screams in "The Hunger" I just started crying and I couldn't stop. I don't think I wanted to stop. It was so mest up. For a while I didn't even know what I was crying about. But I didn't want to stop, yet I also wanted to be happy. I was so thrown between emotions. That was the first time in my life that I was completely confused and lost and questioned who I am and what I want. I still don't know, but it was all so confusing. So you would assume that today I probaly wallowed around. But no, I was so happy today. Things just went so well and I was laughing and having fun. I don't know how I can switch extremes like that. But I loved being happy today. I was just so optimistic and I enjoyed every moment of it. It's hard to think that 24 hours ago I was in tears. I just don't get it. I just don't. Maybe I'm slowly breaking out of my state of being I've been so stuck in this past year. Maybe I'm finally becoming happy, and looking on the bright side of things. Maybe I'm finding myself. Hah, as stupid as that sounds, maybe I am. I'm realizing what I want and who I want in my life right now. I don't know it all yet, but I'm slowly realizing it. It's quite exciting-tough, but exciting.
No! Don't let me do it again! Please, don't let me fall down again, I don't want to be sad. I don't!!! Let me listen to motivating and happy music, please everyone, don't let me make the same mistake...again. Please.
Brooke xxx
-Wanting Warped Tour- I just need to let loose and get some emotion out. I need a concert. I can't fucking wait any longer, it's killing me.
August 8th 2004-Asbury Park, New Jersey<3