(no subject)
Yesterday I drove around with laura for awhile then we went to watch the softbalkl team I got kicked off of and then went to gretas with a bunch of people and hottubbed and had a fire and stuff
As of yesterday my doctors appointment was in exactly one week. I dont know how to feel about it. Is she going to really help and give me hope and I'll come out with a smile or is she going to tell me Im fucked up and will be for the rest of my life?
All I want is to be normal again and I hate it because I have no control over anything
And then I drive myself crazy by wondering... would my life really be better if I quit my job? I know it would just give me more time to think about things but honestly.. thats when I get really really hard core depressed is at work because im BY MYSELF all day. The thought of work... oh man it makes me sick.
Friends and my mom have been my only saviors. Without them to take my mind away from my life I dont know what would happen... Im scared though Im going to become so dependant on them. I wont let that happen
bye