..home is where the heart is..
some people come into your life.. and if only for a single moment.. they can bestow so much kindness and understanding.. so much so that you become better for it
Veronica.. with so much more wisdom than she'll ever know she has.. gave me something beautiful
http://inquire-within.livejournal.com/140201.html
As confused as I was.. I never truely understood what she was trying to get across to me.. I was trying to find an answer.. the burning answer to the question I've been trying to figure out ever since I started college.. the reason to the self-destructive path I was taking.. why was it that I couldn't keep my self-respect and a complete feeling of happiness
so I'm sitting here.. alone in the confines of my room.. working on a study guide.. with the soft drone of Michael Buble in the background.. somewhere deep in my conscience remembering all the events of my parent's visit of the day.. thinking back to embracing both my parents.. remembering how soft my Dad's sweatshirt was and how happy I was to just.. melt into one of his great big hugs.. and I remember how sparkling my Mom's eyes were.. everytime she smiled.. and how comforting it was when she held my hand in hers.. and suddenly.. a couple verses later of Buble's "Home" and I was bawling.. it was like.. the room went pitch black.. but inside a burning light went on.. and everything Veronica was trying to convey to me made sense
"Another summer day.. has come and gone away.. in Paris and Rome.. but I wanna go home.. maybe surrounded by.. a million people I.. still feel all alone.. I just wanna go home.. oh I miss you you know.. and I've been keeping all the letters I wrote to you.. each one a line or two.. "I'm fine baby how're you?" well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough.. my words were cold and flat.. and you deserve more than that.. another aeroplane.. another sunny place.. I'm lucky I know.. but I wanna go home.. mmmm I've got to go home.. let me go home.. I'm just too far from where you are.. I wanna come home"
I've been going from guy to guy.. convincing myself I'll feel complete in an empty relationship.. taking my lack of fulfillment and feeding it with meaningless sex.. when all along.. I've just been trying to feel loved.. feel it and know it.. like the unconditional love that God has for me.. somewhere along the line I forgotton what love meant.. love is seeing my Mom's eyes light up when she sees me.. it's feeling complete and whole when I'm near her.. it's knowing when my Dad chews me out for not paying attention to the condition of my windshield wipers.. it's love.. he worries so much and loves me so dear.. love is home.. it's the warmth that keeps your strength in tact on the coldest and lonliest of nights.. something more than any sexually intimate moment.. of which I can try to persuade myself makes me feel better.. but I couldn't explain the consistent emptiness inside of me.. but that melted away.. the moment I felt the love of my parents
I may be three hours of interstate away from everything I love.. but at least now I know what that means.. I can fall asleep knowing I'm loved.. and there's no possible void.. to fill for that.. because quite frankly everything falls short.. far far short.. and I can take comfort in knowing I love someone else.. the kind of love that is eternal.. and I can hold onto that feeling forever.. and it's amazing and beautiful.. the simplicity of loving and being loved.. in the purest of all its senses.. whether its my best friend of more than ten years or my parents of more than twenty years.. I know love.. "it's like the air.. I can't see it.. but I can feel it" and I love.. that I know that
Veronica.. with so much more wisdom than she'll ever know she has.. gave me something beautiful
http://inquire-within.livejournal.com/140201.html
As confused as I was.. I never truely understood what she was trying to get across to me.. I was trying to find an answer.. the burning answer to the question I've been trying to figure out ever since I started college.. the reason to the self-destructive path I was taking.. why was it that I couldn't keep my self-respect and a complete feeling of happiness
so I'm sitting here.. alone in the confines of my room.. working on a study guide.. with the soft drone of Michael Buble in the background.. somewhere deep in my conscience remembering all the events of my parent's visit of the day.. thinking back to embracing both my parents.. remembering how soft my Dad's sweatshirt was and how happy I was to just.. melt into one of his great big hugs.. and I remember how sparkling my Mom's eyes were.. everytime she smiled.. and how comforting it was when she held my hand in hers.. and suddenly.. a couple verses later of Buble's "Home" and I was bawling.. it was like.. the room went pitch black.. but inside a burning light went on.. and everything Veronica was trying to convey to me made sense
"Another summer day.. has come and gone away.. in Paris and Rome.. but I wanna go home.. maybe surrounded by.. a million people I.. still feel all alone.. I just wanna go home.. oh I miss you you know.. and I've been keeping all the letters I wrote to you.. each one a line or two.. "I'm fine baby how're you?" well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough.. my words were cold and flat.. and you deserve more than that.. another aeroplane.. another sunny place.. I'm lucky I know.. but I wanna go home.. mmmm I've got to go home.. let me go home.. I'm just too far from where you are.. I wanna come home"
I've been going from guy to guy.. convincing myself I'll feel complete in an empty relationship.. taking my lack of fulfillment and feeding it with meaningless sex.. when all along.. I've just been trying to feel loved.. feel it and know it.. like the unconditional love that God has for me.. somewhere along the line I forgotton what love meant.. love is seeing my Mom's eyes light up when she sees me.. it's feeling complete and whole when I'm near her.. it's knowing when my Dad chews me out for not paying attention to the condition of my windshield wipers.. it's love.. he worries so much and loves me so dear.. love is home.. it's the warmth that keeps your strength in tact on the coldest and lonliest of nights.. something more than any sexually intimate moment.. of which I can try to persuade myself makes me feel better.. but I couldn't explain the consistent emptiness inside of me.. but that melted away.. the moment I felt the love of my parents
I may be three hours of interstate away from everything I love.. but at least now I know what that means.. I can fall asleep knowing I'm loved.. and there's no possible void.. to fill for that.. because quite frankly everything falls short.. far far short.. and I can take comfort in knowing I love someone else.. the kind of love that is eternal.. and I can hold onto that feeling forever.. and it's amazing and beautiful.. the simplicity of loving and being loved.. in the purest of all its senses.. whether its my best friend of more than ten years or my parents of more than twenty years.. I know love.. "it's like the air.. I can't see it.. but I can feel it" and I love.. that I know that