How im Doing

[soccerdude05]

Well since the breakup ive been doing ok. It is hard, ill admit that, but its for the best. I do kind of feel lost and alone but i guess thats all part of recovering from a broken heart. Pray for me for i need to stay strong. Ive never been a weak person so i dont think i should start now. im sorry for everything ive ever done to u kelli. I still

Comments

[cdsgirl811]

sry 4 what? if anyone should b sry its me! i drove u away! n now i'll nvr get it back! i can't believe i was so stupid n messed up a beautiful thing! i just dont understand tho. i mean? y were YOU so unhappy? was i really that bad? so ur tellin me there's no way at all we can try again? i mean, do u just want ur sinlge/ party life back? b/c i can understand that. but its interesting b/c i read all of ur journal 2day, from beginning 2 end, n i read mine, and things were so perfect! cory id do anything 2 have it back again, and it hurts me so bad that u dont want it back. things would nvr get that bad i promise. i swear, its so hard w/out u. i cant get u off my mind, not 4 anything, God knows ive tried. i cant even go out w/ friends, or freakin eat chocolate 2 make me feel better! the DRUGS arent even workin! i just wish i knew what went wrong, what i couldve done different. ive nvr prayed so hard in my life. i prayed every day since we met that i could keep u n that things would always just keep gettin better, and 4 the most part they did. every day since the big one i've prayed that we coudl both be happy. i prayed 4 u back a lot, n i guess i still do, but me n cory mock were talkin online, n he made me realize i cant pray 4 freewill. he said all i could pray 4 was things 2 work out 4 the best. i'm glad ur doin ok. me, im not so sure. ive never had this hard a time, n im not tryin 2make u feel bad or anything. but would it really hurt this bad if this was 4 the best? i do want u 2b happy, n im really glad u r. but i just dont understand y. if u still love me, y cant u go back? it wouldnt be that bad again i promise. cory i gave u ur chance in the beginning, and that was the best decision ive ever made. mother n me were talking about all this. cory y dont u think u were a good bf? u were perfect! 4m beginning 2end! its ME that messed up! do u know how hard it is 2 tell God im sry over and over 4 taking it all 4granted n not just living 4 each and every beautiful moment we had 2g? i mean, do u just want freedom 2b w/ other ppl? girls i mean? u just wana mess around? like u didnt wana b tied down anymore? orrrrr..... if u didnt wana gc the polar express that was a joke anyway! u didnt have 2g! we didnt even have 2 ice skating! i feel like we had all these plans n now they're just ruined n i ave 2 start over! n i feel like its all my fault! but it sounds like another girl, n i heard bout u g2 melissa's, n i know u n oscar went 2 ash's, n ive heard bout parties n stuff (from someone u wouldnt believe) n if its that then this would all make perfect sense. but those were the best 4 months of my life, n i havent been doing ok, n i dont c how this is any better than how we were. cory ive been praying 4u, n i guess thats y ur so much better off than me. what ever happened 2 "if i can actually be happy u'd try harder?" u woudlnt have 2try anything at all. i just want it all back n id never mess up again. n u dont needa be sry at all, b/c IM the one who F'd it up. im sry 4 hurting u n driving u away. n i wish u could find it n ur heart 2 4give me n lemme have another chance like i gave u n the beginning. what we had was special. it was perfect. We WERE the "cutest couple," lol. n who knows? i just wana b them again. but im not clear on sumpin. do u need more time? or uve had time n u dont ever wana go back? how can u say u love me, but u dont want me? that is so hard 4 a girl 2 understand, especially me, whose nvr really been loved by anyone. i dont wana get on ur nerves w/ all this, but pic urself n my shoes. i know ur "not as deep as me" but dont i have a rite 2 ask questions? u dont seem like ur hurting at all! from waht ive heard n stuff. but i do have ur present, n im not takin it back, even if u didnt get me one, b/c i wasnt even expecting that. if ur seriously giving up 4ever tho, just please dont 4get about me. u r always on my mind, n idk how long i can deal w/ this sanely anymore. i mean, i guess i havent really been 2 sane about it anyways???? lol. crazy stuff dude! but i want us 2 talk n hangout, n apparently u dont wana, n i just wana kno y if thats ok w/u. 4 months just doesnt end like that. please tell me what went wrong, n y u love me but u cant try again? n dont be sry, the fault is mine...