Thoughts for Jen by Neil Your post is sad, for several reasons. One it is sad because how your feeling is a pretty crappy way to feel. Two I am sad that you have come to false realization. Three your intentions are good but misplaced. Here is why.
How your feeling now is a feeling that I felt all too often. Its a bad feeling. The truth is in the end its a feeling of wanting to be recognized for your kindness. This sounds like a good thing, but sadly its a good way to make yourself feel like crap. why? here's the answer. If you care about your friends you should want to do it purely for doing it, no strings attached. Thats pretty much impossible, but its not the feeling that is important, its the mind set you face the problem with. That mind set is, a reward is not required because being good is reward in itself. Friends often do not recognize effort, kindness, thoughtfulness and that is something we all have to live with. Some people are not very good at expressing there gratitude, and others may feel that its an understood gratitude that requires no verbalization. When someone feels like they care more about someone then that person cares about them, this is always an assumption and never provable. You could do something for someone and they could be infinitely grateful, but never say a word to you. Ridiculous, yes; true, kind of. Usually big favors get you at least a little attention, but the little things often go unnoticed, or more often with friends unsaid. The little things are remembered, but not often verbalized because they are sometimes to small to mention, or something they think you know, they are thankful for. So whats the conclusion. It is this, because of lack of communication about feelings, someone may think they have gone unnoticed, when in fact they only think this. Being good and not having anyone notice hurts, but hey thats just the way people are. We are ignorant to the kindness of others when we're caught up helping number one (yourself). The options in this case are to bring up your value (what are you worth to them) with others. Or you can live through it silently doing it because its the right thing to do, often at times wondering if all that stuff you did for them they ever cared about or noticed. The second option is much more difficult and requires that you have a strong faith, or a life that is lead by disappointment. If you want to be an altruist then you have to do it only because you believe in doing it. This approach to life is the most pure, and often the one that will leave you hurt and battered by people who live their lives for themselves (semi-existentialists), but do so unknowingly. These people are not bad they just believe to be happy, you must first be happy. This is true, but luckily true happiness cannot be achieved this way. Aristotle next lesson... nah I wont do that to you. Sorry, thought I would give you a little philosophy because its a good way to straighten things out.
So that was a little crazy talk, but on a more up front note, and not really knowing what your post is about. I think that if there is someone who really doesn't make you feel that they care about you, the only thing you can and should do is tell them you feel unnoticed. It is and always will easier said then done, so good luck. If you wanna talk, my phone is off and I dont really have a lot of time, jk, just call me.
AH, yes Neil. But it is different when this person straight up says to you that they do not care whether or not you are friends, and that it really doesn't matter either way. Ie: I don't value you, your friendship, or any past friendship we had. When someone says THAT, it';s not like I'm assuming anything. :D
Your post is sad, for several reasons. One it is sad because how your feeling is a pretty crappy way to feel. Two I am sad that you have come to false realization. Three your intentions are good but misplaced. Here is why.
How your feeling now is a feeling that I felt all too often. Its a bad feeling. The truth is in the end its a feeling of wanting to be recognized for your kindness. This sounds like a good thing, but sadly its a good way to make yourself feel like crap. why? here's the answer. If you care about your friends you should want to do it purely for doing it, no strings attached. Thats pretty much impossible, but its not the feeling that is important, its the mind set you face the problem with. That mind set is, a reward is not required because being good is reward in itself. Friends often do not recognize effort, kindness, thoughtfulness and that is something we all have to live with. Some people are not very good at expressing there gratitude, and others may feel that its an understood gratitude that requires no verbalization. When someone feels like they care more about someone then that person cares about them, this is always an assumption and never provable. You could do something for someone and they could be infinitely grateful, but never say a word to you. Ridiculous, yes; true, kind of. Usually big favors get you at least a little attention, but the little things often go unnoticed, or more often with friends unsaid. The little things are remembered, but not often verbalized because they are sometimes to small to mention, or something they think you know, they are thankful for. So whats the conclusion. It is this, because of lack of communication about feelings, someone may think they have gone unnoticed, when in fact they only think this. Being good and not having anyone notice hurts, but hey thats just the way people are. We are ignorant to the kindness of others when we're caught up helping number one (yourself). The options in this case are to bring up your value (what are you worth to them) with others. Or you can live through it silently doing it because its the right thing to do, often at times wondering if all that stuff you did for them they ever cared about or noticed. The second option is much more difficult and requires that you have a strong faith, or a life that is lead by disappointment. If you want to be an altruist then you have to do it only because you believe in doing it. This approach to life is the most pure, and often the one that will leave you hurt and battered by people who live their lives for themselves (semi-existentialists), but do so unknowingly. These people are not bad they just believe to be happy, you must first be happy. This is true, but luckily true happiness cannot be achieved this way. Aristotle next lesson... nah I wont do that to you. Sorry, thought I would give you a little philosophy because its a good way to straighten things out.
So that was a little crazy talk, but on a more up front note, and not really knowing what your post is about. I think that if there is someone who really doesn't make you feel that they care about you, the only thing you can and should do is tell them you feel unnoticed. It is and always will easier said then done, so good luck. If you wanna talk, my phone is off and I dont really have a lot of time, jk, just call me.
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When someone says THAT, it';s not like I'm assuming anything. :D
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