sigh
So I visited the puppy again... a little less heartbreaking this time though... I think I'm realizing that I'm allergic to him... :-( I think my mom is right...god I actually wrote that down. Maybe a biggerdog, like one that is housebroken would be better...lol... I guess that's why both of us were checking out breeders and the ATRA (Airedale Terrier Rescue Association) websites...lmao. nothing like mother daughter bonding over cute doggie pictues at 5 am in the morning...and you wonder why I didn't go to sleep until like 7:40... My mom is just as bad as I am...she just won't admit it.
Ok....so I have a few things that I need to really get off my chest that I didn't really say anything about the last time that I posted.
1. I really feel like the wedding is tearing my family into two halves...one with Paul, and one without him. This just pisses me off, because I honestly was trying my best to get closer with Paul, and now it almost feels like I'm not really gonna be part of his life at all. Is this something that will happen when I get married? God, I hope not... it almost makes me scared. I don't think I have much to worry about though. Kevin's family isn't fake...and neither is mine. I think that they would get along just fine... His aunt Bridget should hang out with my aunt Carol.... they'd get along and leave everyone else's lives alone...lmao. You know I'm right though. Neither on of our families expects everyone to show up at every gathering like Jackie's family does. I think it's just ridiculous. Day after day it seems like Paul has more interest in being a part of her family than she has in being a part of ours. Is our family really that fucked up? I don't think so. But she avoids it like the plague.
2. I guess the second thing is just that a few months ago, Mike made this huge ordeal out of how important our friendship is to him... and now I realize how huge of a load of shit that was. Our friendship means absolutely nothing to him. And honestly I don't even care anymore. If it meant a damn thing to him, he could've picked up the phone. The burden of proof was on his end, not mine. The last time I tried calling him he didn't answer or bother to call me back. It has made me realize that there are so many people out there that used to be my closest friends and none of them make any attempt to contact me or return my calls anymore. So here it is...good fucking riddens to all you fake ass mother fuckers that had me fooled that you were actually my friends. Kiss my ass. I have way more important things to worry about than trying to impress people who give a rats ass less about me. I am me...if that's not good enough than leave me the hell alone. This paragraph was ispired by the Less Than Jake song "Rest of My Life" My life is mine...mine to control...mine to live... mine to breath..... so here I am saying goodbye to my "best friends" I don't get why I'm the one crying...lol.
"The Rest Of My Life"
I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone on those Jersey nights, and I
Saw the boardwalk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners off this town, and I...
Late last night, I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth
It's gonna kill me: The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life
This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I feel like letting go
And every second that goes by
I'm screaming out for a second try
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth
It's gonna kill me: The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
I've got to live with them the rest of my life
This is the mess I've made
These are the words I can't erase
This is my life support, shutting down, for the final time
And it twists like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life
If you won't forgive me
The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life...
I love you so much Kev... you really don't know what you bring to my life. Mostly you've brought the love that I never felt before, and music that soothes my soul.
3. There was a three...just give me a minute...oh damn, just forget about it...lol... I'll write more later I should be doing homework...
Ok....so I have a few things that I need to really get off my chest that I didn't really say anything about the last time that I posted.
1. I really feel like the wedding is tearing my family into two halves...one with Paul, and one without him. This just pisses me off, because I honestly was trying my best to get closer with Paul, and now it almost feels like I'm not really gonna be part of his life at all. Is this something that will happen when I get married? God, I hope not... it almost makes me scared. I don't think I have much to worry about though. Kevin's family isn't fake...and neither is mine. I think that they would get along just fine... His aunt Bridget should hang out with my aunt Carol.... they'd get along and leave everyone else's lives alone...lmao. You know I'm right though. Neither on of our families expects everyone to show up at every gathering like Jackie's family does. I think it's just ridiculous. Day after day it seems like Paul has more interest in being a part of her family than she has in being a part of ours. Is our family really that fucked up? I don't think so. But she avoids it like the plague.
2. I guess the second thing is just that a few months ago, Mike made this huge ordeal out of how important our friendship is to him... and now I realize how huge of a load of shit that was. Our friendship means absolutely nothing to him. And honestly I don't even care anymore. If it meant a damn thing to him, he could've picked up the phone. The burden of proof was on his end, not mine. The last time I tried calling him he didn't answer or bother to call me back. It has made me realize that there are so many people out there that used to be my closest friends and none of them make any attempt to contact me or return my calls anymore. So here it is...good fucking riddens to all you fake ass mother fuckers that had me fooled that you were actually my friends. Kiss my ass. I have way more important things to worry about than trying to impress people who give a rats ass less about me. I am me...if that's not good enough than leave me the hell alone. This paragraph was ispired by the Less Than Jake song "Rest of My Life" My life is mine...mine to control...mine to live... mine to breath..... so here I am saying goodbye to my "best friends" I don't get why I'm the one crying...lol.
"The Rest Of My Life"
I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone on those Jersey nights, and I
Saw the boardwalk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners off this town, and I...
Late last night, I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth
It's gonna kill me: The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life
This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I feel like letting go
And every second that goes by
I'm screaming out for a second try
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth
It's gonna kill me: The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
I've got to live with them the rest of my life
This is the mess I've made
These are the words I can't erase
This is my life support, shutting down, for the final time
And it twists like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life
If you won't forgive me
The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life...
I love you so much Kev... you really don't know what you bring to my life. Mostly you've brought the love that I never felt before, and music that soothes my soul.
3. There was a three...just give me a minute...oh damn, just forget about it...lol... I'll write more later I should be doing homework...