(no subject)
ok so life sucks. I had a crappy weekend and i felt like crying all day. i was really sour inside. Of course, i never let on, because i'm strong but it just wears on you. I feel like the dog that's been hit over and over again, crawling back to i's master, licking his shoes, just to get whipped agaain. Just being told EXACTLY how worthless you are night and day. having your grandmother say that she wishes you were never born and your mom blaming you for everything... and not just forgetting to rake leaves or leaving dishes in the sink, but for her 2 marriages, her bills, her inability to keep a job, her life. I am hated. I thought her hand flew fast.
Her words fly faster.
But I forgive her... and I love her... Simply because I was never taught how to hold a grudge. I lend generously, never expecting to be repaid. This includes more than just money. Literally, I have not held a grudge with any human in my life.
But when is too much. How long do you lend out your soul, recieving nothing? There comes to be a point where there's nothing left, and you're just an empty shell until someone can come along and fill you up again, because you're too weak to fill yourself when you've lost the will to live.
new song i just wrote:
I was going to put it here but then I thought that that wouldn't be smart considering that people steal songs that ARE copyrighted much less freebies on the web. sry
you'll just have to buy the CD when it comes out.
I'm already feeling more chipper... venting is good.
Her words fly faster.
But I forgive her... and I love her... Simply because I was never taught how to hold a grudge. I lend generously, never expecting to be repaid. This includes more than just money. Literally, I have not held a grudge with any human in my life.
But when is too much. How long do you lend out your soul, recieving nothing? There comes to be a point where there's nothing left, and you're just an empty shell until someone can come along and fill you up again, because you're too weak to fill yourself when you've lost the will to live.
new song i just wrote:
I was going to put it here but then I thought that that wouldn't be smart considering that people steal songs that ARE copyrighted much less freebies on the web. sry
you'll just have to buy the CD when it comes out.
I'm already feeling more chipper... venting is good.