Falls Apart
I feel like I over work myself to death. On June 17th I finished working for 1 of my 3 jobs. I have 7 weeks left in CA before the move to AZ for the 04-05 school year. Out of those 7 weeks I have to work 3 Saturdays which means no vacation for me pretty much. I'm still trying to figure out when I might be able to go visit my Godmother in Nor Cal and maybe visit Kates while I'm up there. The hunt for an available weekend doesn't look to prosperous at this point. It makes me want to just quit working altogether. I just want a weekend to go up North to hang out and not work. I need some time to relax but I never get that time because I work myself so much. It's getting to the point where work just stresses me out a ton. That's got to be bad considering the fact that I'm only 20 and retirement is a long ways away. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I just never have time off from it. My mom and dad at least can request vacation time. I just keep going like the energizer bunny working, school, working, school. When does it end? I've been thinking about finding a job in Tucson for the year when I get there but do I really want to feel like I can't ever take time off? Besides at this point I already know 5 weekends that I won't be able to work for my new job if I find one due to road trips and trips home. Would any place hire me knowing that I can't work for them on 5 different occasions? At least I'd be honest about it up front and let them schedule me any time other than those 5 weekends but that's a lot of work to miss. On the other hand if I don't get a job then I have no income and I'll be miserable because I swear shopping is my destiny and without it I'm like a lost puppy dog trying to find it's way. This is the key reason that I need to work. I love material things, not that I make others feel obligated to buy them, I buy them myself with the money that I make. I don't need other people to buy me material things to make me happy. Just being cared for and loved makes me happy. I kind of miss that feeling lately. I just want to find someone to care for and that will care for me in return. It's depressing to know that I've been single for almost 10 months. That's almost an entire year. Sad times. Being back in Tucson will help me to forget the fact that I don't have anyone like Brandon in my life anymore because I'll be back with the girls and we pull for each other in these times. Tucson seems too far away but at the same time too close.