Banged by Polidori
Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. And I am. I'm sitting here in my car and entering this on my iPhone. John fucking walked off. I talked to one of the groomsmen and he said John buggered off for a smoke before it was all set to kick off. They started things up. The groomsmen entered and John wasn't there. He just wasn't fucking there.
We were all piled into our Sunday finest and waiting and nothing happened. The priest was obviously unsure of what to do and I thought Catherine was going to freak out and inhale the whole goddamn wedding cake while taking a breath to scream for John. Jack was already too drunk to give a fuck. Jack can suck my dick.
I was worried at first, but after asking around, I found out that Lettie disappeared, too. Now? Well, I guess we can all figure out what happened. Clearly? Lettie kidnapped John and is holding his penis for ransom. No official word as of yet. He isn't answering his fucking phone and neither is Lettie.
I'm sitting here with Dot and I'm just completely fucking at a loss. The only thing I can say is that John? Where ever the fuck you are? You'd better not let Leigh catch you. The only person I'm more afraid of than Catherine right now is Leigh. Spitting nails doesn't even begin to cover it. I think she might actually be homicidal. She took out one of the groomsmen and scared one bridesmaid so badly that she pissed herself. I mean LITERALLY pissed herself.
Okay, she didn't, but damn that would've been funny.
Dot thinks that we need to celebrate John growing a spine and I'm inclined to agree. So anybody out there for karaoke? I think Dot and I are going to steal the food for the reception. Who's up for this?
P.S.
One more thing, John, if you fucking hurt Lettie? You'll know what banged by Byron really is. Because I will hot glue sandpaper and barbed wire to my dick and fuck you in your ass until you're almost dead, then rub my salty jizz in the wounds. You hear?
We were all piled into our Sunday finest and waiting and nothing happened. The priest was obviously unsure of what to do and I thought Catherine was going to freak out and inhale the whole goddamn wedding cake while taking a breath to scream for John. Jack was already too drunk to give a fuck. Jack can suck my dick.
I was worried at first, but after asking around, I found out that Lettie disappeared, too. Now? Well, I guess we can all figure out what happened. Clearly? Lettie kidnapped John and is holding his penis for ransom. No official word as of yet. He isn't answering his fucking phone and neither is Lettie.
I'm sitting here with Dot and I'm just completely fucking at a loss. The only thing I can say is that John? Where ever the fuck you are? You'd better not let Leigh catch you. The only person I'm more afraid of than Catherine right now is Leigh. Spitting nails doesn't even begin to cover it. I think she might actually be homicidal. She took out one of the groomsmen and scared one bridesmaid so badly that she pissed herself. I mean LITERALLY pissed herself.
Okay, she didn't, but damn that would've been funny.
Dot thinks that we need to celebrate John growing a spine and I'm inclined to agree. So anybody out there for karaoke? I think Dot and I are going to steal the food for the reception. Who's up for this?
P.S.
One more thing, John, if you fucking hurt Lettie? You'll know what banged by Byron really is. Because I will hot glue sandpaper and barbed wire to my dick and fuck you in your ass until you're almost dead, then rub my salty jizz in the wounds. You hear?