(no subject)
Was it you who spoke first? I don't remember. I can't forget, though, what was said once it started.
Ah, the human heart. I won't try to understand its logic, or the things it drives a person to do.
The last few days have brought none of the clarity I was so desperately seeking. I only seem to have more worries and fears piled up. All of these things need my immediate attention...Now, now, now, they seem to scream at me. I can't do this now. This moment is too full, the next second impossibly tied-up. My life has been planned, and I've had nothing to do with it. There goes time again, messing things up for me.
That's cheap, and whiny...There I go again. I feel this incredible urge to tell myself to shut up-All the time. And in the next breath, the next thought, is the will to fight, to stand and announce that it's my life, my moment, my decision.
I want to make plans, future plans I never thought I'd get to have. And yet, yet here I sit, completely indecisive and feeling hopeless to make it otherwise.
...Laziness?
...Stupidity?
...Self-preservation?
...Fear?
I'll let you know when this makes sense to me, so maybe it'll make sense to you.
You keep asking what's stopping me, who's holding me back. Asking if someone has my heart that isn't you. I don't know...
...I love you. Truer, simpler words were never spoken.
They just weren't spoken by me.
Peace.