Even If You Never Love Me, Chapter 14
Rating: T-M
Genres: Angst, Romance, Drama
Warnings: A little cuss.
Spoilers: Up through Special Education
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Author's Notes: This is my original plot, guys! No prompts required! Big deal for me...
Summary: "In a perfect world, I'd be able to know what it's like to... hold your hand? Take you on a date? Kiss you? You'd let me feel what it's like to be your boyfriend, just for a day. Just for one day. One day where you're mine?"
Word Count: 2,738
*I'm so sorry about the cliffhanger! I didn't think it was that intense, but boy was I informed that I was wrong. I tried to update early as compensation, but I'm working almost 40 hours a week at one job, and finding time leaking into the other, as well. I can barely find the time to get it out once a week, it seems. It sucks when real life's responsibilities steal you away from what you really love. Anyway, I wasn't trying to be evil. I can't really argue though. Just because I know where the story is going and am therefore not left hanging, doesn't mean you all do... Today's lesson.
And, apparently the LJ cut feature is having a bad day. I'll just leave her alone...
This chapter was made possible by the amazing Gottriplets!*
Chapter List (LJ won't let me link to the chapter list, but if you click on my user name, it's two entries before this. I'm so sorry. I've spent almost two hours today fighting LJ's reformatting quirk, and I just can't win this battle.)
Kurt sits on the very edge of the bed, ready to bolt if this turns sour.Finn just smiles at him, open and encouraging.
Kurt swallows, clears his throat, and swallows again, "I... don't know where to start."
Finn shrugs, "That's cool. So-"
"It wasn't my idea."
Finn shuts his mouth, letting Kurt continue.
"He came to me and asked for one day. It's what he wanted. I just... wanted to give him what he wanted."
Finn's mom has always told him not to jump to conclusions until he's heard both sides of the story. It's about time he used that advice. "You want to talk about that? You know, so it's from you and not... Sleeping You."
Kurt sighs. So much for not having to catch Finn up. He's about to say something along those lines, but he can't. Something inside him wants to do this. "It started with a movie. He loves Cinderella, so we watched that."
Kurt thinks about stopping, but watching Finn nod along encourages him. "He wanted... He wanted to know what it would be like to be my boyfriend, and I thought that if I were his boyfriend, I'd hold him, so I did. I just wanted to make it good for him. I like holding him; he's my best friend and we're really close. I think he liked it, as well."
Kurt pauses, perhaps to give Finn a chance to speak, but what is he supposed to say, really?
"I took him out to lunch and we held hands because that's how boyfriends act. It was nice. For him. I think it was nice for him.
"He... he deserved having me stay the night. He just wanted someone to be there with him. I had to. He's always been an amazing cuddler.
"And boyfriends are supposed to kiss. Not doing so would have been robbing him of the whole experience."
They sure had kissed a lot, though.
"And you guys decided it wouldn't work out?"
"What?" Kurt furrows his brow, confused.
"At the end of the date, you agreed you wouldn't go on another? It just didn't work out?"
"No, Finn, it wasn't a real first date. It was only ever going to be one day."
"Why?"
They had been through this. "Because that's what Blaine asked for."
"Do you think that was really what he wanted?"
"Of course! Why else would he say it?"
"So, you gave him everything he wanted?"
"Yes! I did exactly what he asked! I shouldn't be feeling this guilty!"
"Kurt, you know he's in love with you. Did you seriously think one day would be enough for him?"
"I-" Kurt bites his lip, trying to hold onto the idea that he did the right thing.
"Would it have been enough for you, last year, to have just one day with me?"
Kurt gasps, completely shocked Finn would bring that up. This was a bad idea. Kurt doesn't need this. He's under too much stress to deal with Finn throwing his past in his face.
"Look," Finn seems to notice Kurt closing off, "I know we have this silent agreement not to talk about it, so the fact that I'm bringing it up should show you how important this is."
Kurt frowns. No matter how important Finn thinks his point is, some things should be kept sacred.
"Seriously, Kurt, think about this: If last year, when you had a crush on me, I had told you we could be boyfriends for one day, would it have been enough?"
This is so humiliating. He should just get up and leave right now. Why isn't his body co-operating?
"You don't have to answer that; I know it's weird. Just, think about it, and tell me if you think one day was ever going to be enough for Blaine."
A long silence passes between them, and Kurt can feel Finn's eyes boring into him.
"Yes."
"What?" Finn's surprised by the answer.
"One date was all he needed to realize he doesn't really love me."
Finn doesn't repeat his "what," just looks confused.
"I'm the first boy to really be there for him. It makes sense he would develop an attachment to me, but that isn't love. That date was to show him that."
"Kurt-"
"It's some sort of Hero-Worship Florence Nightingale Syndrome. He needed to get me out of his system, so he would see me instead of the person he wanted me to be. So he could see I'm not perfect; I'm self-absorbed and judgmental and not as wonderful as he imagines. He thinks he loves me because he just hasn't realized that yet."
"No, that's not-"
"He has to get over me, because carrying around those feelings... It's torture."
"Kurt, I-"
"He has to move on, because when his heart's in my hands it's too vulnerable, and I'm inevitably going to do something or say something to crush it. I just can't do that, I can't hurt him like-" Kurt stops himself before he can say too much.
It's not soon enough.
"You can't hurt him like I hurt you." Finn finishes, eyes wide and unfocused.
"No, Finn, this isn't about you-"
"Of course it is. I knew it was, I just didn't know how much."
"Finn..." Kurt wants to say something, maybe argue or comfort or deflect, but nothing comes.
Finn licks his lips, "Um, you're right. What you felt for me wasn't love. It was that Hero-Worship Florence thing, because I was the first guy who was ever there for you. Er, or there for your designer jackets. You didn't know me, so there was nothing to fall in love with. Blaine's different. Blaine knows you."
Kurt immediately brushes the idea off, "No, he doesn't. He thinks I'm this perfect person who can fill every void abandonment tore our of him. He places me on the same pedestal as his neglectful parents, as those friends from his old high school who never return his calls but he thinks still will, as every person who has ever left him. I can't be his boyfriend from up there. I can't trust such a fragile type of relationship."
"Why would it be fragile? You're really close."
"Look around you, Finn. Teenagers get together and break up like they're shopping for accessories. I can't do that to Blaine. I can't leave him when everyone else in his life has abandoned him." A spot deep in his throat begins to burn with emotion, but he bites it down.
Finn nods slowly, taking this all in. "Have you told Blaine all this?"
"Not... yet," Kurt bites his lip.
"Why not?"
Kurt swallows, "We haven't... really talked about it yet. He's needed space lately, which I've given him."
Finn nods like he understands, "Do you think he didn't like the date?"
Kurt's eyes widen as he gasps, "Why wouldn't he have liked it?"
"Well, you did the stuff you felt you were supposed to, right?"
"...Right..."
Finn shrugs, "You know how books are awesome and fun to read until a teacher assigns it, and then it's just something you have to get through?"
Kurt gasps again, hurt blossoming in his chest, "Finn, if you are insinuating I treated that date like a burden, or some boring assignment, you could not be more wrong. I put everything I had into it. I was a perfect first date."
"Then why did you think it would help him get over you?"
All momentum comes to a halt. Kurt feels like his mind hit the breaks too fast, and parts of him are still surging, yet to be caught by the safety belt. "I... It was supposed to... He..."
"Maybe you should have, like, made it a bad date, so he'd think being your boyfriend would suck."
"No," Kurt shakes his head. "He deserved a good date. Treating him poorly would have been cruel."
"So, instead, he's left wishing for more and you'll never give it to him? How is that cool?"
Great, so he was doomed either way. He might as well have never gone on that date. Then he wouldn't have to worry about disappointing Blaine with a lousy experience or leaving him to agonizingly pine for more.
...Oh.
Oh, God.
"Oh my God."
"Kurt?" Finn's face shifts into concern.
"Oh my God!" Kurt gulps down air as his heart assaults his ribcage. Oh my God! What was I thinking? Oh my God!"
"Hey," Finn grabs Kurt's hand, "calm down. Don't pass out on me."
"I screwed up! Oh my God, I screwed it all up." The world spins around him as Kurt sinks lower into realization. "I ruined everything."
"Hey, whoa, Dude." Finn is quickly losing his brother. He can see those blue eyes glazing over. "Come back."
Kurt locks eyes, and they fill with an absolute desperation, a need for Finn to understand him, "It was never supposed to hurt him. I never wanted- I would never want to hurt him. He-he was supposed to realize I wasn't right for him. He was supposed to see I wouldn't make a good boyfriend."
"Kurt, you'd be an awesome boyfriend!" Finn can't handle his brother falling apart like this. He has to fix it. "You know all this cool stuff to do, like that Sound of Music Singalong and the karaoke place you told me to take Rachel to. And, you'd talk on the phone all the time, and wouldn't get bored or accidentally watch TV while they're talking. You'd know exactly what gifts to buy and remember when to buy them-"
"Then why wasn't I good enough for you?" The second the words are out there, Kurt regrets them. He needs to quit bringing up that humiliating crush. It's bordering on masochism at this point.
"Kurt, it was never about you being good enough. I'm not gay. You could be the most awesome boyfriend in the world and it wouldn't matter! I has nothing to do with you."
Kurt retreats into himself, shrinking and hiding. Finn shakes their still-joined hands to bring him back.
"Kurt, I became your friend because I like you. That's what straight guys do. If they like a guy, they become friends. So, you're totally good enough for me! ...Wait, that came out wrong. I mean, if I were gay, I'd be totally into you. ...Shit, that was worse." Finn takes a second to think before speaking. "Kurt, as your brother, I think you'll make some guy an amazing boyfriend."
Kurt frowns, "Great. So, I'm an amazing boyfriend who just ruined his relationship with his best friend."
"Not ruined," Finn pressed. "Just... You just need to talk to him. Tell him what you told me."
Kurt bites his lip, "Do you really think that will work?"
"I... think there's only one way to find out."
Kurt nods. That was the obvious answer. Of course he needs to speak with Blaine. Giving space before they ever discussed why it would be necessary was premature. He should have spoken with Blaine immediately, let him get all his feelings out, and then given him time to sort his thoughts on his own.
"This is that intro... something phase where you stop talking, isn't it?" Kurt's lack of response is all the answer Finn needs. "Okay, I'm gonna' go." Finn slips out.
Kurt stares unseeing as his mind races. He and Blaine need to talk. The sooner, the better. Kurt never realized how badly his actions might have effected the other boy. He needs to explain himself, see if he can get Blaine's forgiveness, try to move them past this. Blaine's his best friend; he cares about him and doesn't want to see him hurting.
Blaine's supposed to come over this weekend. It's absolutely perfect timing. This conversation should not be postponed any longer. Blaine should be calling to confirm plans this very evening. As soon as Blaine arrives, Kurt will take him up to his room, explain everything, and... it will be a start.
Kurt's optimistic now. If he continues to dwell, he'll probably lose that, so he yanks himself from his mind.
Dinner smells amazing.
By the time Kurt goes to bed, Blaine still hasn't called. It's fine; even the most punctual can get side-tracked. He leaves his phone on his nightstand, volume on maximum, just in case.
No call wakes him through the night.
All Saturday, his phone doesn't leave his person. It lives in his pocket. As the hours drag on, he checks for missed calls more often. Just in case. It's ridiculous, though, because there's no way he's going to miss a thing that phone does.
He distracts himself. He has to. He tackles future school assignments. He prepares a gourmet lunch for his family. He reorganizes his scarf drawer.
A text comes in the early evening, and Kurt whips his phone out so fast he almost drops it.
"Hey boo. T n i r goin 2 the mall. Wanna join?"
It's from Mercedes, not Blaine, and the disappointment stings.
"Cant. Plans. Have fun tho!"
He does have plans. He does. Blaine just needs to call and confirm, which he'll do. He will. Soon.
The phone remains silent through the night. Kurt checks it the moment he opens his eyes, anyway.
That phone doesn't make a peep all Sunday. As night starts to creep in, thus ending the weekend, Kurt finds himself lying on his bed, staring at the phone in his hands.
Why didn't Blaine call?
They had plans. Blaine never misses their time together. Even when Kurt's called last minute, Blaine has been able to show up. They're best friends. It's what best friends do.
They are still best friends, aren't they?
What if... What if Blaine is so hurt by the date that he doesn't want to be anymore?
What if Blaine never talks to him again? That would be awful!
Kurt never wanted to lose Blaine! He just made a mistake; he shouldn't lose an entire friendship over it.
He falls asleep clutching his phone to his chest.
When he wakes up, there are still no calls.
That's it. He's ending this silence. When he gets to school he's finding Blaine, and he's going to explain everything, and it's going to be better. Their relationship will go back to what it was, and they can move forward.
Determination fuels him all the way to Westerville.
He finds Blaine near his own first period class. "Blaine," he catches the boy's attention as he approaches. Not one to skirt a subject, Kurt announces, "I think we need to talk."
Blaine nods his agreement and ducks into an empty classroom.
Kurt follows, shutting the door. "I was wrong," he immediately admits. "I went about last weekend in the worst way possible, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
Blaine's voice is small and mumbled, almost imperceptible, "You did."
"I know," Kurt did know, but hearing Blaine confirm it brings tears to his eyes, "I'm so sorry. I was stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing. It kills me knowing what I actually did to you."
Blaine shakes his head, his jaw tight, "It figures you'd pick now to care."
Kurt steps forward, closer to Blaine, "I never stopped caring about you!"
Blaine steps back, away, "Then where were you?"
"I thought you needed space! I was trying to give you what you wanted."
"Well, that wasn't how I saw it. All I saw was my best friend abandoning me when I really needed you."
"No. Not abandoning." Not that. Never that. Kurt can never do that! A single tear escapes his lashes.
Blaine sighs, "Kurt, if you came to me a week ago, maybe I would have responded differently, but I've had time to think, and I realize... I'm angry. Maybe I don't have the right, but I'm angry at you."
Kurt gasps, not surprised by the fact but surprised Blaine actually voiced it, "Blaine-"
"I need more space, I guess, but this time on my terms. I... I just need to really think this through. I'm glad you came to me, and thank you for apologizing, but I'm not ready to forgive you yet. Just... give me time."
Kurt stifles a sniffle, holding back his tears. He's not the victim here. Not trusting his voice, he just nods, and watches Blaine walk away from him.
*Thank you all for your reviews! They make my life!*
Genres: Angst, Romance, Drama
Warnings: A little cuss.
Spoilers: Up through Special Education
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Author's Notes: This is my original plot, guys! No prompts required! Big deal for me...
Summary: "In a perfect world, I'd be able to know what it's like to... hold your hand? Take you on a date? Kiss you? You'd let me feel what it's like to be your boyfriend, just for a day. Just for one day. One day where you're mine?"
Word Count: 2,738
*I'm so sorry about the cliffhanger! I didn't think it was that intense, but boy was I informed that I was wrong. I tried to update early as compensation, but I'm working almost 40 hours a week at one job, and finding time leaking into the other, as well. I can barely find the time to get it out once a week, it seems. It sucks when real life's responsibilities steal you away from what you really love. Anyway, I wasn't trying to be evil. I can't really argue though. Just because I know where the story is going and am therefore not left hanging, doesn't mean you all do... Today's lesson.
And, apparently the LJ cut feature is having a bad day. I'll just leave her alone...
This chapter was made possible by the amazing Gottriplets!*
Chapter List (LJ won't let me link to the chapter list, but if you click on my user name, it's two entries before this. I'm so sorry. I've spent almost two hours today fighting LJ's reformatting quirk, and I just can't win this battle.)
Kurt sits on the very edge of the bed, ready to bolt if this turns sour.Finn just smiles at him, open and encouraging.
Kurt swallows, clears his throat, and swallows again, "I... don't know where to start."
Finn shrugs, "That's cool. So-"
"It wasn't my idea."
Finn shuts his mouth, letting Kurt continue.
"He came to me and asked for one day. It's what he wanted. I just... wanted to give him what he wanted."
Finn's mom has always told him not to jump to conclusions until he's heard both sides of the story. It's about time he used that advice. "You want to talk about that? You know, so it's from you and not... Sleeping You."
Kurt sighs. So much for not having to catch Finn up. He's about to say something along those lines, but he can't. Something inside him wants to do this. "It started with a movie. He loves Cinderella, so we watched that."
Kurt thinks about stopping, but watching Finn nod along encourages him. "He wanted... He wanted to know what it would be like to be my boyfriend, and I thought that if I were his boyfriend, I'd hold him, so I did. I just wanted to make it good for him. I like holding him; he's my best friend and we're really close. I think he liked it, as well."
Kurt pauses, perhaps to give Finn a chance to speak, but what is he supposed to say, really?
"I took him out to lunch and we held hands because that's how boyfriends act. It was nice. For him. I think it was nice for him.
"He... he deserved having me stay the night. He just wanted someone to be there with him. I had to. He's always been an amazing cuddler.
"And boyfriends are supposed to kiss. Not doing so would have been robbing him of the whole experience."
They sure had kissed a lot, though.
"And you guys decided it wouldn't work out?"
"What?" Kurt furrows his brow, confused.
"At the end of the date, you agreed you wouldn't go on another? It just didn't work out?"
"No, Finn, it wasn't a real first date. It was only ever going to be one day."
"Why?"
They had been through this. "Because that's what Blaine asked for."
"Do you think that was really what he wanted?"
"Of course! Why else would he say it?"
"So, you gave him everything he wanted?"
"Yes! I did exactly what he asked! I shouldn't be feeling this guilty!"
"Kurt, you know he's in love with you. Did you seriously think one day would be enough for him?"
"I-" Kurt bites his lip, trying to hold onto the idea that he did the right thing.
"Would it have been enough for you, last year, to have just one day with me?"
Kurt gasps, completely shocked Finn would bring that up. This was a bad idea. Kurt doesn't need this. He's under too much stress to deal with Finn throwing his past in his face.
"Look," Finn seems to notice Kurt closing off, "I know we have this silent agreement not to talk about it, so the fact that I'm bringing it up should show you how important this is."
Kurt frowns. No matter how important Finn thinks his point is, some things should be kept sacred.
"Seriously, Kurt, think about this: If last year, when you had a crush on me, I had told you we could be boyfriends for one day, would it have been enough?"
This is so humiliating. He should just get up and leave right now. Why isn't his body co-operating?
"You don't have to answer that; I know it's weird. Just, think about it, and tell me if you think one day was ever going to be enough for Blaine."
A long silence passes between them, and Kurt can feel Finn's eyes boring into him.
"Yes."
"What?" Finn's surprised by the answer.
"One date was all he needed to realize he doesn't really love me."
Finn doesn't repeat his "what," just looks confused.
"I'm the first boy to really be there for him. It makes sense he would develop an attachment to me, but that isn't love. That date was to show him that."
"Kurt-"
"It's some sort of Hero-Worship Florence Nightingale Syndrome. He needed to get me out of his system, so he would see me instead of the person he wanted me to be. So he could see I'm not perfect; I'm self-absorbed and judgmental and not as wonderful as he imagines. He thinks he loves me because he just hasn't realized that yet."
"No, that's not-"
"He has to get over me, because carrying around those feelings... It's torture."
"Kurt, I-"
"He has to move on, because when his heart's in my hands it's too vulnerable, and I'm inevitably going to do something or say something to crush it. I just can't do that, I can't hurt him like-" Kurt stops himself before he can say too much.
It's not soon enough.
"You can't hurt him like I hurt you." Finn finishes, eyes wide and unfocused.
"No, Finn, this isn't about you-"
"Of course it is. I knew it was, I just didn't know how much."
"Finn..." Kurt wants to say something, maybe argue or comfort or deflect, but nothing comes.
Finn licks his lips, "Um, you're right. What you felt for me wasn't love. It was that Hero-Worship Florence thing, because I was the first guy who was ever there for you. Er, or there for your designer jackets. You didn't know me, so there was nothing to fall in love with. Blaine's different. Blaine knows you."
+Thanx+to+Raul.jpg){kind=link}
Kurt immediately brushes the idea off, "No, he doesn't. He thinks I'm this perfect person who can fill every void abandonment tore our of him. He places me on the same pedestal as his neglectful parents, as those friends from his old high school who never return his calls but he thinks still will, as every person who has ever left him. I can't be his boyfriend from up there. I can't trust such a fragile type of relationship."
"Why would it be fragile? You're really close."
"Look around you, Finn. Teenagers get together and break up like they're shopping for accessories. I can't do that to Blaine. I can't leave him when everyone else in his life has abandoned him." A spot deep in his throat begins to burn with emotion, but he bites it down.
Finn nods slowly, taking this all in. "Have you told Blaine all this?"
"Not... yet," Kurt bites his lip.
"Why not?"
Kurt swallows, "We haven't... really talked about it yet. He's needed space lately, which I've given him."
Finn nods like he understands, "Do you think he didn't like the date?"
Kurt's eyes widen as he gasps, "Why wouldn't he have liked it?"
"Well, you did the stuff you felt you were supposed to, right?"
"...Right..."
Finn shrugs, "You know how books are awesome and fun to read until a teacher assigns it, and then it's just something you have to get through?"
Kurt gasps again, hurt blossoming in his chest, "Finn, if you are insinuating I treated that date like a burden, or some boring assignment, you could not be more wrong. I put everything I had into it. I was a perfect first date."
"Then why did you think it would help him get over you?"
All momentum comes to a halt. Kurt feels like his mind hit the breaks too fast, and parts of him are still surging, yet to be caught by the safety belt. "I... It was supposed to... He..."
"Maybe you should have, like, made it a bad date, so he'd think being your boyfriend would suck."
"No," Kurt shakes his head. "He deserved a good date. Treating him poorly would have been cruel."
"So, instead, he's left wishing for more and you'll never give it to him? How is that cool?"
Great, so he was doomed either way. He might as well have never gone on that date. Then he wouldn't have to worry about disappointing Blaine with a lousy experience or leaving him to agonizingly pine for more.
...Oh.
Oh, God.
"Oh my God."
"Kurt?" Finn's face shifts into concern.
"Oh my God!" Kurt gulps down air as his heart assaults his ribcage. Oh my God! What was I thinking? Oh my God!"
"Hey," Finn grabs Kurt's hand, "calm down. Don't pass out on me."
"I screwed up! Oh my God, I screwed it all up." The world spins around him as Kurt sinks lower into realization. "I ruined everything."
"Hey, whoa, Dude." Finn is quickly losing his brother. He can see those blue eyes glazing over. "Come back."
Kurt locks eyes, and they fill with an absolute desperation, a need for Finn to understand him, "It was never supposed to hurt him. I never wanted- I would never want to hurt him. He-he was supposed to realize I wasn't right for him. He was supposed to see I wouldn't make a good boyfriend."
"Kurt, you'd be an awesome boyfriend!" Finn can't handle his brother falling apart like this. He has to fix it. "You know all this cool stuff to do, like that Sound of Music Singalong and the karaoke place you told me to take Rachel to. And, you'd talk on the phone all the time, and wouldn't get bored or accidentally watch TV while they're talking. You'd know exactly what gifts to buy and remember when to buy them-"
"Then why wasn't I good enough for you?" The second the words are out there, Kurt regrets them. He needs to quit bringing up that humiliating crush. It's bordering on masochism at this point.
"Kurt, it was never about you being good enough. I'm not gay. You could be the most awesome boyfriend in the world and it wouldn't matter! I has nothing to do with you."
Kurt retreats into himself, shrinking and hiding. Finn shakes their still-joined hands to bring him back.
"Kurt, I became your friend because I like you. That's what straight guys do. If they like a guy, they become friends. So, you're totally good enough for me! ...Wait, that came out wrong. I mean, if I were gay, I'd be totally into you. ...Shit, that was worse." Finn takes a second to think before speaking. "Kurt, as your brother, I think you'll make some guy an amazing boyfriend."
Kurt frowns, "Great. So, I'm an amazing boyfriend who just ruined his relationship with his best friend."
"Not ruined," Finn pressed. "Just... You just need to talk to him. Tell him what you told me."
Kurt bites his lip, "Do you really think that will work?"
"I... think there's only one way to find out."
Kurt nods. That was the obvious answer. Of course he needs to speak with Blaine. Giving space before they ever discussed why it would be necessary was premature. He should have spoken with Blaine immediately, let him get all his feelings out, and then given him time to sort his thoughts on his own.
"This is that intro... something phase where you stop talking, isn't it?" Kurt's lack of response is all the answer Finn needs. "Okay, I'm gonna' go." Finn slips out.
Kurt stares unseeing as his mind races. He and Blaine need to talk. The sooner, the better. Kurt never realized how badly his actions might have effected the other boy. He needs to explain himself, see if he can get Blaine's forgiveness, try to move them past this. Blaine's his best friend; he cares about him and doesn't want to see him hurting.
Blaine's supposed to come over this weekend. It's absolutely perfect timing. This conversation should not be postponed any longer. Blaine should be calling to confirm plans this very evening. As soon as Blaine arrives, Kurt will take him up to his room, explain everything, and... it will be a start.
Kurt's optimistic now. If he continues to dwell, he'll probably lose that, so he yanks himself from his mind.
Dinner smells amazing.
By the time Kurt goes to bed, Blaine still hasn't called. It's fine; even the most punctual can get side-tracked. He leaves his phone on his nightstand, volume on maximum, just in case.
No call wakes him through the night.
All Saturday, his phone doesn't leave his person. It lives in his pocket. As the hours drag on, he checks for missed calls more often. Just in case. It's ridiculous, though, because there's no way he's going to miss a thing that phone does.
He distracts himself. He has to. He tackles future school assignments. He prepares a gourmet lunch for his family. He reorganizes his scarf drawer.
A text comes in the early evening, and Kurt whips his phone out so fast he almost drops it.
"Hey boo. T n i r goin 2 the mall. Wanna join?"
It's from Mercedes, not Blaine, and the disappointment stings.
"Cant. Plans. Have fun tho!"
He does have plans. He does. Blaine just needs to call and confirm, which he'll do. He will. Soon.
The phone remains silent through the night. Kurt checks it the moment he opens his eyes, anyway.
That phone doesn't make a peep all Sunday. As night starts to creep in, thus ending the weekend, Kurt finds himself lying on his bed, staring at the phone in his hands.
Why didn't Blaine call?
They had plans. Blaine never misses their time together. Even when Kurt's called last minute, Blaine has been able to show up. They're best friends. It's what best friends do.
They are still best friends, aren't they?
What if... What if Blaine is so hurt by the date that he doesn't want to be anymore?
What if Blaine never talks to him again? That would be awful!
Kurt never wanted to lose Blaine! He just made a mistake; he shouldn't lose an entire friendship over it.
He falls asleep clutching his phone to his chest.
When he wakes up, there are still no calls.
That's it. He's ending this silence. When he gets to school he's finding Blaine, and he's going to explain everything, and it's going to be better. Their relationship will go back to what it was, and they can move forward.
Determination fuels him all the way to Westerville.
He finds Blaine near his own first period class. "Blaine," he catches the boy's attention as he approaches. Not one to skirt a subject, Kurt announces, "I think we need to talk."
Blaine nods his agreement and ducks into an empty classroom.
Kurt follows, shutting the door. "I was wrong," he immediately admits. "I went about last weekend in the worst way possible, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
Blaine's voice is small and mumbled, almost imperceptible, "You did."
"I know," Kurt did know, but hearing Blaine confirm it brings tears to his eyes, "I'm so sorry. I was stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing. It kills me knowing what I actually did to you."
Blaine shakes his head, his jaw tight, "It figures you'd pick now to care."
Kurt steps forward, closer to Blaine, "I never stopped caring about you!"
Blaine steps back, away, "Then where were you?"
"I thought you needed space! I was trying to give you what you wanted."
"Well, that wasn't how I saw it. All I saw was my best friend abandoning me when I really needed you."
"No. Not abandoning." Not that. Never that. Kurt can never do that! A single tear escapes his lashes.
Blaine sighs, "Kurt, if you came to me a week ago, maybe I would have responded differently, but I've had time to think, and I realize... I'm angry. Maybe I don't have the right, but I'm angry at you."
Kurt gasps, not surprised by the fact but surprised Blaine actually voiced it, "Blaine-"
"I need more space, I guess, but this time on my terms. I... I just need to really think this through. I'm glad you came to me, and thank you for apologizing, but I'm not ready to forgive you yet. Just... give me time."
Kurt stifles a sniffle, holding back his tears. He's not the victim here. Not trusting his voice, he just nods, and watches Blaine walk away from him.
*Thank you all for your reviews! They make my life!*