Rough night at work
I had a trainee tonight, which I hate. Not that she was in any way objectionable, in fact she's a lovely girl who's asking good questions and is likely to be a fine operator once she's got the details down. I just despise training, and I always have.
It's a strain for me. Being observed while I work makes me nervous. It's one of those learned things we try to let go of as adults, and I just never managed it. Scrutiny equals mockery equals humiliation. Is gotten so bad at times I've begun warning trainees that when I cuss out the callers after disconnecting, it doesn't mean I'm really angry, I'm just tense, and let's go over the file structure again, shall we?
What makes it even harder is that I don't like being emotional in public, so I smile a lot and feel like my head's going to pop off from faking cheer for the four solid hours I have someone lurking at my elbow and listening to my calls.
I'm going to have to suggest to my manager (the one who gives a shit) that new people should do a couple of daytime training shifts before they do evenings. I'm probably adequate as a trainer, but I shouldn't be the first to introduce anyone to our system. I need them to come to me with the basics in place, if have to teach them at all.
Ah, but on top of the trainee, we had a huge failure of local cellphone service, so half of or automatic texts wouldn't go out, and a huge chunk of the on-call service people couldn't be reached and we wound up calling a LOT of home numbers and backup people, and I stress whenever things stop working smoothly because I feel responsible for EVERYTHING, since I'm the supervisor for my shifts. My bosses are fine with letting me kick myself for any problems, of course.
Eventually, cell service came back online, but I was already having dire fantasies of axe-murdering our servers and absconding to Somewhere Else with whatever petty cash I could mug from my coworkers.
I need a new job.
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