disenchanted
I've become really disenchanted with the internet. This is probably a good thing, but it feels really lonely.
It seems that all my friends have a myspace and a facebook. Sure I coudl get those things, but it takes too much energy. Energy? How could it be energy-sucking. Well....since so many people have these things, I CAN'T be myself now. It used to be that on the internet, I could totally be myself and not worry about my family, parents reading things that would cause stress for me.
Yes, I could leave out things that would upset them, but there is where the energy part comes in. Being Pagan and being Bisexual are so much a part of who I am and censoring myself for the sake of my family isn't something I want to have to do. I do it in real life already and damn it, I don't want to do it online.
The Pagan part is a matter of respect. When I go to my mom's, I don't wear Pagan slogans on my shirts, I don't talk religion with them, I don't lie, but I do avoid topics that would upset them. Because, whats the point? But online I used to be free...and now even my mom has a myspace. I can't link to people that I know who know them because then my mom would have access to my myspace, or I would have to purposely block her, which would hurt her feelings just as much. Its all too stressful.
And bisexual...well, whats the use of them knowing? None. There is no reason that they need to know. HOwever keeping it from them would mean either censoring myself on myspace/facebook or just not having one. I found one of my cousins on facebook and I'd love to have some connection with him since I would feel like I have at least some family who doesn't hate the real me. (He's openly gay, liberal and I think we would have lots to talk about) But if I try to connect with him though facebook, the trail leads my mom straight to me.
This is ridiculous. The internet used to be a place where I could be me. Now it's just like a freaking family reunion where I'm pretending to be someone I'm not.
It seems that all my friends have a myspace and a facebook. Sure I coudl get those things, but it takes too much energy. Energy? How could it be energy-sucking. Well....since so many people have these things, I CAN'T be myself now. It used to be that on the internet, I could totally be myself and not worry about my family, parents reading things that would cause stress for me.
Yes, I could leave out things that would upset them, but there is where the energy part comes in. Being Pagan and being Bisexual are so much a part of who I am and censoring myself for the sake of my family isn't something I want to have to do. I do it in real life already and damn it, I don't want to do it online.
The Pagan part is a matter of respect. When I go to my mom's, I don't wear Pagan slogans on my shirts, I don't talk religion with them, I don't lie, but I do avoid topics that would upset them. Because, whats the point? But online I used to be free...and now even my mom has a myspace. I can't link to people that I know who know them because then my mom would have access to my myspace, or I would have to purposely block her, which would hurt her feelings just as much. Its all too stressful.
And bisexual...well, whats the use of them knowing? None. There is no reason that they need to know. HOwever keeping it from them would mean either censoring myself on myspace/facebook or just not having one. I found one of my cousins on facebook and I'd love to have some connection with him since I would feel like I have at least some family who doesn't hate the real me. (He's openly gay, liberal and I think we would have lots to talk about) But if I try to connect with him though facebook, the trail leads my mom straight to me.
This is ridiculous. The internet used to be a place where I could be me. Now it's just like a freaking family reunion where I'm pretending to be someone I'm not.