L is for the way you look at me.....
Lately I've been feeling: nervous, sick, crappy, depressed. This weekend has been great; Fieg's house last night was...interesting, but I feel like this is all one big competition. Just the way Fiegs said "well obviously you haven't been hanging out with Meghan lately, cause I've seen her every night" sucked. I hate competing for my best friend, I hate competing for the guy I'm in love with, I hate thinking I have to compete with stupid Anna to be Dylan's friend. It's not like I necessarily want us to hang out, but even if I did, he's always with her, and it gets...hm.. annoying. I hate it when you know you've screwed up and you can do nothing to fix the hurt you've caused everyone else.
Today in church, Deacon Meyers was talking about humility, and the fact that everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their faults, etc. This is, of course, the first time I've EVER listened to the sermon, and, of course, it had to be the one to hit home for me. I realized today that although I may not think I'm perfect, I give other people a lot of crap when they make mistakes. Take Dylan, for instance. True, I was so hurt by what he did (cheating on me with Anna and denying it when we asked), but it was a mistake. He could have told me sooner, he could have picked another girl, he could have not done it at all, but it's really pointless on my part to linger on these things. Honestly, right now, I feel like an effing TERRIBLE person.
On a better (?) note, I should really stop reading Anna's livejournal. It gets me very, very, VERY angry, depressed, nostalgic, etc. Especially upon seeing Dylan's pictures and reading about her "S.O.I" excursions. Reading her journal is like an addiction...
creepy huh?
Today in church, Deacon Meyers was talking about humility, and the fact that everyone makes mistakes, everyone has their faults, etc. This is, of course, the first time I've EVER listened to the sermon, and, of course, it had to be the one to hit home for me. I realized today that although I may not think I'm perfect, I give other people a lot of crap when they make mistakes. Take Dylan, for instance. True, I was so hurt by what he did (cheating on me with Anna and denying it when we asked), but it was a mistake. He could have told me sooner, he could have picked another girl, he could have not done it at all, but it's really pointless on my part to linger on these things. Honestly, right now, I feel like an effing TERRIBLE person.
On a better (?) note, I should really stop reading Anna's livejournal. It gets me very, very, VERY angry, depressed, nostalgic, etc. Especially upon seeing Dylan's pictures and reading about her "S.O.I" excursions. Reading her journal is like an addiction...
creepy huh?