Notes on Marriage Part 8
Notes from Chapter 8 of Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Marriage":
- The rest of your life begins this very moment. Regardless of what you have ever said or done in the past, you can presently make new and better choices in every area of your life. Whatever you say or do now is going to be part of the foundation of your future. From now on you can be totally resolved to act in new and better ways. Just having insight about why you are the way you are isn't sufficient. We need new actions to bring about new results.
- You have been laying the groundwork for this moment your entire life.
- Make the best of what you have. Live in the present. Focus on making the best choices for what is needed right now.
- Live in the present, learn from the past, and prepare for the future.
- To live in the present, keep asking yourself, "What can I do now?" Focus on what you personally can do now.
- If you need to repeat yourself, live in the present. Ask the tenth time with the same patience as the first time.
- Forgive and let go. Keep your mind off past resentments. If your mind spontaneously keeps going back to the past, tell yourself, "Next," and focus on something else. Forgiving and letting go doesn't mean that you are denying this person has done something wrong, but it does mean you are releasing the emotional attachment you have toward that wrong.
- "It is forbidden to remind a person of his past misdeeds or the misdeeds of his family, for this will cause him distress." (Choshen Mishpat, 228:4)
- Any time you feel like saying something that would be a product of feelings of animosity and you remain silent, you are fulfilling the Torah commandment of not taking revenge or bearing a grudge. This creates a great light in your soul. This is tremendous growth.
- Reinforce improvement. Express your appreciation. Also reinforce positive attempts at improvement.