lost oneshot: grown up orphans - sawyer, kate (jack & juliet)
Title: Grown Up Orphans
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Sawyer, Kate (with Jack, Juliet) & basically every combination of the love square.
Warning: Character death, spoilers for 5x08
Rating: PG-13, for swearing and death
Word Count: 1,817
Summary: Kate smiled, as if a reflex. "We're all suffering, James...In case you forgot."
Author's Note: Written for lostfichallenge #89, pain
They say it gets worse before it gets better.
Sometimes, it's the exact opposite.
---
"Juliet's pregnant," Jack said, wiping the sweat off his brow from another hard day's work.
Kate, for her part, maintained her composure. It was mostly out of shock. She had been in a constant state of it ever since they had arrived, another twist always waiting for her around the corner. It would be a lie to say she didn't welcome it. Anything to get her mind off what she had lost to get back here.
Bitterness crept into the corners of her subconscious. She willed it away.
"Good for her?" Kate chanced, unsure what response was warranted in a moment like this.
"I thought you'd want to hear it from me instead of someone who doesn't know..." Jack trailed off, hands in his pockets, too careless to be taken that way.
"Yeah," Kate said, her nail digging into the surface of their kitchen table.
"If you want to talk about it-"
"No."
"All right."
There was an exchange of awkward smiles, before common courtesy dawned on Kate. "Did you...did you want to talk about it?"
"No," Jack said slowly, shaking his head. Kate could tell just by the look in his eyes that he was lying, but unless he forced her to have words she was going to pretend she didn't see it.
"Okay," Kate said, turning back to the oven, "Dinner will be ready in ten minutes."
"Great," Jack said, smiling as best as he could. And then he left to clean up.
That night Kate pretended not to notice half the medicine cabinet emptied on the floor.
---
"Juliet's pregnant."
Kate rolled out from underneath the van she was working on. Sawyer was looming over her, eyes focused at something off to the left. She had a feeling he wasn't looking at anything important.
"Yeah I heard," Kate said and Sawyer forced himself to look back at her.
"Listen, I know-"
"This isn't necessary," Kate said quickly, wiping the grease from her hands on the nearest towel, "You and I had a thing. We moved on. You have Juliet and I have Jack and we're all happy. Let's not make it a bigger deal than it is."
Sawyer smiled, giving a little kick to the board she was on. It jerked forward. “You sure know how to make a guy feel special, Freckles."
"I learned from the best," Kate said, smiling the closest thing to a genuine smile she had produced since they got back.
She rolled back under the car and pretended that she didn't hear him sigh.
"How long do you think I can play house like this?" he asked.
"I don't know, James. Guess you're gonna find out."
---
"It's a madhouse out there," Juliet said.
Kate glanced back at the living room. A group of chattering women was holding glasses of chardonnay, gathered around half opened gift wrapped boxes of children's clothing and toys. Kate was hiding in the kitchen, feeling stabs of guilt and hurt hitting her from all angles. She tried to bury it.
Juliet seemed like she needed an escape too. She clutched at her swollen belly and smiled too bright for Kate's mood.
"Yeah. I hope you don't mind me escaping for a bit," Kate offered.
"I think you're the smartest one in the room," Juliet said honestly, "If I hear one more story about how the first year is the worst-"
Kate wanted to say it wasn't, that the second year was called the terrible twos for a reason, but she knew that there were parts of her life that had gone unmentioned. She bit her tongue and let Juliet finish.
Juliet smiled. "It's really nice having you here. We may not be friends but we share..." She trailed off. Somehow terming what they had been through as history seemed inappropriate and offsetting giving the circumstances of how they met.
"A common taste in men," Kate supplied.
Juliet smiled again -- that genuine smile was getting irritating. "That works."
---
"It was awkward," Kate said, pounding her beer against the side of the table. The cap popped off with ease.
She and Sawyer were logging late hours in security together, trying to find any sign of the others who had returned. They didn't expect much.
"Yeah well, Jules appreciated it."
"I did it for you." Kate said, leaning back in her chair comfortably.
"Bullpucky," Sawyer muttered.
"If you haven't noticed, I do incredibly embarrassing and uncomfortable things for your sake all the time now."
"I wouldn't call living with Jack embarrassing. I'm mean sure the Doc spends most of his time-"
"Sawyer."
"Yeah?"
"Shut up, please."
He flashed a grin the old Sawyer would have been proud of. "Yes ma'am."
---
"I think there's something wrong with Juliet," Jack said over dinner.
"What do you mean?"
"She's nauseous."
Kate smiled, pulling her legs up on her chair. "It's called morning sickness Jack. I know you're not an obstetrician but-"
"You're right," Jack said, shaking his head.
"Is there something you're not telling me Jack?"
"No."
Another lie added to the list that sat between them.
---
Kate and Juliet were in charge of reprogramming the fences every other week. Juliet was showing, but refused to take it easy. Still, Kate couldn't help but notice that Juliet was gasping for air only a few minutes into their hike.
"You okay?" Kate asked.
"I just need to catch my breath," she said, and then stopped in her tracks. Her eyes froze. Her hands clamped over her mouth. "Oh God."
"Juliet." Kate grabbed her elbow. "What's wrong?"
Her eyes darted around the jungle, before closing in anguish. Hand moving over her stomach. "We're going to die."
Kate had heard that one too many times to actually believe it.
---
"I'm doing everything I can," Jack said, pinching his brow.
"I know you are, Doc," Sawyer muttered. Kate stood in between them.
"From what we know, she'll be in a coma by the end of the day."
"Can I see her?"
"She's already asking for you."
Kate lingered back.
"She wanted to see you too."
Kate would have frozen, but Jack's on her wrist tugged her forward.
Juliet whispered something in Sawyer's ear. And she squeezed Kate's hand. Then she turned to look at Jack. And there was a look of grief that both Sawyer and Kate understood better than they wanted to admit. Juliet closed her eyes, took a deep breath.
And faded away.
---
The coma lasted five days.
Five days where Sawyer sat motionless outside of her room, Kate across from him watching Jack come in and out and give her meaningless updates that Sawyer will never hear.
When they finally called time of death, they didn't even look up.
---
"You should talk to him."
"He doesn't need that right now."
"Kate..."
"Just - don't," Kate said, staring at him through the bathroom mirror.
"Kate, if this is about-"
"I don't want to talk about it."
---
She found him in the garages, propped up against Juliet's station with a beer in his hand. He didn't acknowledge her presence, and she didn't expect it. She slid down next to him, knees bumping and shoulders touching.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You're the one opening your trap."
Sawyer managed a smile. He extended his hand and Kate took it, and they just sat there, in peaceful silence.
Maybe haunting silence was a more appropriate way of putting it.
---
Eventually, he started going through the motions again. Doing his job, bossing people around, smiling like he meant it. Occasionally, though, when it was a quiet day, she'd catch him standing by the polar bear cages.
"You making friends?" she chanced.
"This guy likes me," Sawyer said, "Juliet used to call him Monty."
"He looks friendly."
"He's an ass. He hates everyone except me," Sawyer said, "I think he's the one I shot that first day here. I think he was running to say hi. Fucking ironic, huh?"
Kate tipped her head in response. He turned back to the cages.
"We had our first kiss here," Sawyer said, toe digging into the mud in front of the cage.
"Should I be offended?" Kate said, "You take all your girls here."
Sawyer scoffed, his voice quivering with unshed tears.
"I don't even know what I'm grieving anymore."
Kate let the silence creep back in between them. Her heart aching for his loss, but more for her own which seemed sharper than ever when she was around him. That was what she hated about this more than anything. It brought out the pain she had tried so hard to bury.
"You never," she started and then trailed off.
"I never what, Kate," Sawyer pushed, and then it couldn't be held onto anymore.
"You never asked where Aaron was."
"Aaron?" Sawyer asked, searching his memory for a name that sounded so familiar.
"Claire's son."
"You never asked where Claire was," Sawyer responded, then realized he hadn't asked that question in a long time either. Another forgotten name to add to his tally.
"Claire's dead," Kate said, scratching at the mosquito bite above her wrist. "At least to Aaron she is."
"Where is he, Kate?" Sawyer asked, quietly.
"Poor kid got stuck with me as a mother," Kate blurted out, and then paused, more for affect than anything else, "I asked for it though. Two days of watching people you care about blow up and disappear -- two days of no sleep -- replaying those scenes over and over -- you can't blame me for wanting to hold onto something right?"
"You decided to raise Aaron as your kid?" Sawyer cocked an eyebrow. What was the angle? went unasked seeing the far off look in her eyes.
"Raised him for four years, and then..." There was a flicker of something akin to fear and pain that crossed over her eyes, gone as fast as it came.
"Kate..." His voice broke; the same tone he spoke to her on a hammock when the roles were reversed and he was the one showing vulnerability.
Kate smiled, as if a reflex. "We're all suffering, James...In case you forgot."
"I'm sorry."
"I should -" She moved to walk away, but Sawyer caught her arm, pulling her into an embrace she couldn't shake. And they stood there, in front of their familiar cage, more tied down to this island than they had been then. They grieved out loud for ties they had brought upon themselves. Ties they both could and couldn't regret.
Maybe that hurt worse than anything else could.
Maybe that was supposed to be healing.
---
They say it gets worse before it gets better.
Sometimes, it's the exact opposite.
And other times, it's neither.
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Sawyer, Kate (with Jack, Juliet) & basically every combination of the love square.
Warning: Character death, spoilers for 5x08
Rating: PG-13, for swearing and death
Word Count: 1,817
Summary: Kate smiled, as if a reflex. "We're all suffering, James...In case you forgot."
Author's Note: Written for lostfichallenge #89, pain
They say it gets worse before it gets better.
Sometimes, it's the exact opposite.
---
"Juliet's pregnant," Jack said, wiping the sweat off his brow from another hard day's work.
Kate, for her part, maintained her composure. It was mostly out of shock. She had been in a constant state of it ever since they had arrived, another twist always waiting for her around the corner. It would be a lie to say she didn't welcome it. Anything to get her mind off what she had lost to get back here.
Bitterness crept into the corners of her subconscious. She willed it away.
"Good for her?" Kate chanced, unsure what response was warranted in a moment like this.
"I thought you'd want to hear it from me instead of someone who doesn't know..." Jack trailed off, hands in his pockets, too careless to be taken that way.
"Yeah," Kate said, her nail digging into the surface of their kitchen table.
"If you want to talk about it-"
"No."
"All right."
There was an exchange of awkward smiles, before common courtesy dawned on Kate. "Did you...did you want to talk about it?"
"No," Jack said slowly, shaking his head. Kate could tell just by the look in his eyes that he was lying, but unless he forced her to have words she was going to pretend she didn't see it.
"Okay," Kate said, turning back to the oven, "Dinner will be ready in ten minutes."
"Great," Jack said, smiling as best as he could. And then he left to clean up.
That night Kate pretended not to notice half the medicine cabinet emptied on the floor.
---
"Juliet's pregnant."
Kate rolled out from underneath the van she was working on. Sawyer was looming over her, eyes focused at something off to the left. She had a feeling he wasn't looking at anything important.
"Yeah I heard," Kate said and Sawyer forced himself to look back at her.
"Listen, I know-"
"This isn't necessary," Kate said quickly, wiping the grease from her hands on the nearest towel, "You and I had a thing. We moved on. You have Juliet and I have Jack and we're all happy. Let's not make it a bigger deal than it is."
Sawyer smiled, giving a little kick to the board she was on. It jerked forward. “You sure know how to make a guy feel special, Freckles."
"I learned from the best," Kate said, smiling the closest thing to a genuine smile she had produced since they got back.
She rolled back under the car and pretended that she didn't hear him sigh.
"How long do you think I can play house like this?" he asked.
"I don't know, James. Guess you're gonna find out."
---
"It's a madhouse out there," Juliet said.
Kate glanced back at the living room. A group of chattering women was holding glasses of chardonnay, gathered around half opened gift wrapped boxes of children's clothing and toys. Kate was hiding in the kitchen, feeling stabs of guilt and hurt hitting her from all angles. She tried to bury it.
Juliet seemed like she needed an escape too. She clutched at her swollen belly and smiled too bright for Kate's mood.
"Yeah. I hope you don't mind me escaping for a bit," Kate offered.
"I think you're the smartest one in the room," Juliet said honestly, "If I hear one more story about how the first year is the worst-"
Kate wanted to say it wasn't, that the second year was called the terrible twos for a reason, but she knew that there were parts of her life that had gone unmentioned. She bit her tongue and let Juliet finish.
Juliet smiled. "It's really nice having you here. We may not be friends but we share..." She trailed off. Somehow terming what they had been through as history seemed inappropriate and offsetting giving the circumstances of how they met.
"A common taste in men," Kate supplied.
Juliet smiled again -- that genuine smile was getting irritating. "That works."
---
"It was awkward," Kate said, pounding her beer against the side of the table. The cap popped off with ease.
She and Sawyer were logging late hours in security together, trying to find any sign of the others who had returned. They didn't expect much.
"Yeah well, Jules appreciated it."
"I did it for you." Kate said, leaning back in her chair comfortably.
"Bullpucky," Sawyer muttered.
"If you haven't noticed, I do incredibly embarrassing and uncomfortable things for your sake all the time now."
"I wouldn't call living with Jack embarrassing. I'm mean sure the Doc spends most of his time-"
"Sawyer."
"Yeah?"
"Shut up, please."
He flashed a grin the old Sawyer would have been proud of. "Yes ma'am."
---
"I think there's something wrong with Juliet," Jack said over dinner.
"What do you mean?"
"She's nauseous."
Kate smiled, pulling her legs up on her chair. "It's called morning sickness Jack. I know you're not an obstetrician but-"
"You're right," Jack said, shaking his head.
"Is there something you're not telling me Jack?"
"No."
Another lie added to the list that sat between them.
---
Kate and Juliet were in charge of reprogramming the fences every other week. Juliet was showing, but refused to take it easy. Still, Kate couldn't help but notice that Juliet was gasping for air only a few minutes into their hike.
"You okay?" Kate asked.
"I just need to catch my breath," she said, and then stopped in her tracks. Her eyes froze. Her hands clamped over her mouth. "Oh God."
"Juliet." Kate grabbed her elbow. "What's wrong?"
Her eyes darted around the jungle, before closing in anguish. Hand moving over her stomach. "We're going to die."
Kate had heard that one too many times to actually believe it.
---
"I'm doing everything I can," Jack said, pinching his brow.
"I know you are, Doc," Sawyer muttered. Kate stood in between them.
"From what we know, she'll be in a coma by the end of the day."
"Can I see her?"
"She's already asking for you."
Kate lingered back.
"She wanted to see you too."
Kate would have frozen, but Jack's on her wrist tugged her forward.
Juliet whispered something in Sawyer's ear. And she squeezed Kate's hand. Then she turned to look at Jack. And there was a look of grief that both Sawyer and Kate understood better than they wanted to admit. Juliet closed her eyes, took a deep breath.
And faded away.
---
The coma lasted five days.
Five days where Sawyer sat motionless outside of her room, Kate across from him watching Jack come in and out and give her meaningless updates that Sawyer will never hear.
When they finally called time of death, they didn't even look up.
---
"You should talk to him."
"He doesn't need that right now."
"Kate..."
"Just - don't," Kate said, staring at him through the bathroom mirror.
"Kate, if this is about-"
"I don't want to talk about it."
---
She found him in the garages, propped up against Juliet's station with a beer in his hand. He didn't acknowledge her presence, and she didn't expect it. She slid down next to him, knees bumping and shoulders touching.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You're the one opening your trap."
Sawyer managed a smile. He extended his hand and Kate took it, and they just sat there, in peaceful silence.
Maybe haunting silence was a more appropriate way of putting it.
---
Eventually, he started going through the motions again. Doing his job, bossing people around, smiling like he meant it. Occasionally, though, when it was a quiet day, she'd catch him standing by the polar bear cages.
"You making friends?" she chanced.
"This guy likes me," Sawyer said, "Juliet used to call him Monty."
"He looks friendly."
"He's an ass. He hates everyone except me," Sawyer said, "I think he's the one I shot that first day here. I think he was running to say hi. Fucking ironic, huh?"
Kate tipped her head in response. He turned back to the cages.
"We had our first kiss here," Sawyer said, toe digging into the mud in front of the cage.
"Should I be offended?" Kate said, "You take all your girls here."
Sawyer scoffed, his voice quivering with unshed tears.
"I don't even know what I'm grieving anymore."
Kate let the silence creep back in between them. Her heart aching for his loss, but more for her own which seemed sharper than ever when she was around him. That was what she hated about this more than anything. It brought out the pain she had tried so hard to bury.
"You never," she started and then trailed off.
"I never what, Kate," Sawyer pushed, and then it couldn't be held onto anymore.
"You never asked where Aaron was."
"Aaron?" Sawyer asked, searching his memory for a name that sounded so familiar.
"Claire's son."
"You never asked where Claire was," Sawyer responded, then realized he hadn't asked that question in a long time either. Another forgotten name to add to his tally.
"Claire's dead," Kate said, scratching at the mosquito bite above her wrist. "At least to Aaron she is."
"Where is he, Kate?" Sawyer asked, quietly.
"Poor kid got stuck with me as a mother," Kate blurted out, and then paused, more for affect than anything else, "I asked for it though. Two days of watching people you care about blow up and disappear -- two days of no sleep -- replaying those scenes over and over -- you can't blame me for wanting to hold onto something right?"
"You decided to raise Aaron as your kid?" Sawyer cocked an eyebrow. What was the angle? went unasked seeing the far off look in her eyes.
"Raised him for four years, and then..." There was a flicker of something akin to fear and pain that crossed over her eyes, gone as fast as it came.
"Kate..." His voice broke; the same tone he spoke to her on a hammock when the roles were reversed and he was the one showing vulnerability.
Kate smiled, as if a reflex. "We're all suffering, James...In case you forgot."
"I'm sorry."
"I should -" She moved to walk away, but Sawyer caught her arm, pulling her into an embrace she couldn't shake. And they stood there, in front of their familiar cage, more tied down to this island than they had been then. They grieved out loud for ties they had brought upon themselves. Ties they both could and couldn't regret.
Maybe that hurt worse than anything else could.
Maybe that was supposed to be healing.
---
They say it gets worse before it gets better.
Sometimes, it's the exact opposite.
And other times, it's neither.