(no subject)
let's talk about how i screwed everything, my whole life up, so fast. i was just starting to get everything in place, Louis is going to be moving to Edmonton for 4 glorious months and I've finally decided that yes i will get this degree and move forward with my life weather i want it or not, cause at least i'll have a degree under my belt.
And what do I do? I did not apply for my IPT. Missed the deadline by over a month, who knew i was even supposed to apply to do my IPT? Cause I certainly did not recieve any sort of memo that said there'd be a deadline, i'm registered in all the classes, been registered in them since... oh I dunno, april last year, and here I am.... wasted time. Totally wasted. I can't do my IPT, without my IPT I can't do my APT, without my APT i don't get a degree, and now I have to push everything back that was going to do back an extra year, which means, I don't get my actual degree now until 2008. Louis will be done school before me, and we had so many plans, and options and now i've just fucked everything up by being an IDIOT! they shouldn't give ppl like me degrees...
There really is no one to blame but myself, no one. I mean I knew I was supposed to apply for this thing because RAelene mentioned it to me in passing way back in september, but I've been so busy (another excuse) that it had entirely slipped my mind. IDIOT
god, i'm so embarrased and angry and everything at the same time. At this point I'm going to call the offices tomorrow morning at 8 and beg and plead and beg and plead that they let me have a position still and then if they say yes i will still lie and tell them i have no vehicle and that i have to work somewhere within the city limits so that they don't stick me out in bumfuck legal or morinville. Because finally finally Louis and I can be together and I just know for the first time in my sad pathetic humble life i Will whisked away somewhere else, like Red Deer, or fucken... i dunno, Legal, or I like Stony Plain, so that the travel time is astronomical. Because that's how things work for me, because I'm not ever allowed to have anything good that I want, i haev to work for everything while everyone else just has everything handed to them, they get lots of money, they get good genetics, they get easy relationships and good paying jobs, and good grades and the best roles and i work hard and bust my ass for everything I want, and i still don't get to reap any sort of benefit.
Oh, but when I do, if I ever do, the taste of it will be that much more sweeter.
I just want to be with Louis, I just want it to be simple for once, that's all I want. Just for once.
EDIT: I called this morning and they told me they will place me even though I never applied, because that is protocol, because they have to, but that because they don't have my information they are allowed to place me wherever they want in the "greater" Edmonton area. The guy on the phone was an asshole, and not just an asshole because he wasn't telling me what i wanted to hear, but just because he was mean, and completely unsympathetic, he did everything but call me a total moron on the phone for not applying on time. So ... worst comes to worst, I have to drive to Leduc, or Legal everyday for 5 weeks, or some small town... A small town school probably wouldn't be soooo bad, but waking up at 4 in the morning might make me want to die.
And what do I do? I did not apply for my IPT. Missed the deadline by over a month, who knew i was even supposed to apply to do my IPT? Cause I certainly did not recieve any sort of memo that said there'd be a deadline, i'm registered in all the classes, been registered in them since... oh I dunno, april last year, and here I am.... wasted time. Totally wasted. I can't do my IPT, without my IPT I can't do my APT, without my APT i don't get a degree, and now I have to push everything back that was going to do back an extra year, which means, I don't get my actual degree now until 2008. Louis will be done school before me, and we had so many plans, and options and now i've just fucked everything up by being an IDIOT! they shouldn't give ppl like me degrees...
There really is no one to blame but myself, no one. I mean I knew I was supposed to apply for this thing because RAelene mentioned it to me in passing way back in september, but I've been so busy (another excuse) that it had entirely slipped my mind. IDIOT
god, i'm so embarrased and angry and everything at the same time. At this point I'm going to call the offices tomorrow morning at 8 and beg and plead and beg and plead that they let me have a position still and then if they say yes i will still lie and tell them i have no vehicle and that i have to work somewhere within the city limits so that they don't stick me out in bumfuck legal or morinville. Because finally finally Louis and I can be together and I just know for the first time in my sad pathetic humble life i Will whisked away somewhere else, like Red Deer, or fucken... i dunno, Legal, or I like Stony Plain, so that the travel time is astronomical. Because that's how things work for me, because I'm not ever allowed to have anything good that I want, i haev to work for everything while everyone else just has everything handed to them, they get lots of money, they get good genetics, they get easy relationships and good paying jobs, and good grades and the best roles and i work hard and bust my ass for everything I want, and i still don't get to reap any sort of benefit.
Oh, but when I do, if I ever do, the taste of it will be that much more sweeter.
I just want to be with Louis, I just want it to be simple for once, that's all I want. Just for once.
EDIT: I called this morning and they told me they will place me even though I never applied, because that is protocol, because they have to, but that because they don't have my information they are allowed to place me wherever they want in the "greater" Edmonton area. The guy on the phone was an asshole, and not just an asshole because he wasn't telling me what i wanted to hear, but just because he was mean, and completely unsympathetic, he did everything but call me a total moron on the phone for not applying on time. So ... worst comes to worst, I have to drive to Leduc, or Legal everyday for 5 weeks, or some small town... A small town school probably wouldn't be soooo bad, but waking up at 4 in the morning might make me want to die.