so deep that it didnt even bleed and catch me off gaurd red handed now im far from lonely asleep
wow. everythings fucked up lately..so much is falling apart.i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!
everythings so fucking weird and wrong now at home. Ever since my "friend" told mr macki so much has been fuckedddd up. i hate it. My moms finally going to see a therapist thursday and im getting one soon.
I figured out about my headaches i think...i have had them everyday more than once each day..for 2 weeks..its been 2 weeks since ive cut. It was my way of releasing any emotion and stress and my headaches are stress headaches. Makes sense to me.
Now more than ever,almost,i am sad mad angry confused annoyed depressed stressed..i have nothing to do about it. theres nothing for me to do. i just want to fucking cry. and i get fucking stomach ulcers like a bitch and it sucks. My attention span has gotten really short lately and i dont give a fuck about much anymore.
I really want to go to walnut creek haha. I dont like alot of people in my grd/at my school and i hate my school. Idk i prolly wont end up there but still. i really want to.
"our family" is falling apart so much. i hate it. i hate it.
There was a guy i really really liked..and i no im goin out wiht jasper but fuck just let me talk,and he said he liked me,but he is goin out with one of my friends. he siad he didnt like her really. Then..he says hes in love with her . but he still likes me. And he lead me on..and it sucks. cos i still ..really like him. and im such an ass to be doing that but i cant help it. and im hurting my fucking self just liking him. He says he feels really bad nad is really sorr yand wants me to forgive him..but..arg. We will still be friends..but..itll be weird for me .
and..him and his gf have only been goin out for 1week2days..yeah..thats enough to say your in love with someone. pfft..
Speaking of jasper,wtf do you get JASPER for valentines day?..and his bday is the day right before valentines so ahh? help i guess?
erg.i hate me.
i need a fucking break so bad right now. I hope to god i can go to california with justin. Does anyone understand how good..no great of a break this would be for me? Get away from IOWA and from the PEOPLE..wow. i mean i no "you can change the scenery but not the situation"..i belvie thats true but fuck it.
god help.
i love you guys so fucking much..i just want you all to know that.<3
february 9th- great news guys...nick,my friend the one i like etcetc,he got in a car accident,just what we all needed eh? Hes like grounded for 2 months or something and might have to go to boot camp cos his dads a fucking dick...a big dick. It really sucks. i was supposed to go dress shoppin with bridgette today,but whatever i guess. life is screwd up so bad right now no one knows. me ethan rick and shmandy are gunna hang out soon hopefully,i wish nick could though arg,i love hangin out with those guys. im so fucking stressed..im not sure what one good positive thing actually right now im in my life is..compared to all the shitty stuff,its hard to think. Anyone know how much i miss december??? and yeah so much for "our family"..i love them all..i loved being with them all together. Idk what happend with morgan...kim kinda just has seemd to be ditchin us lately for rachael clarke and if she cant do anything THEN kim hangs out with us. Joel and erek did some really dumb shitt. Guess its me justin and cass..like cass said "us 3 gotta stick together". i love them.