i want to give you your reflection__
i feel bland.
the tastefulness of
a heartbeat-
the plain nature of
regularity.
i feel amiss
and aloof even though
i really have nothing
to be aloof about.
or maybe
i'm just overly-
poetic and that's
my original problem.
i mean-to begin
with, i cry easily and
love too much (or
maybe it's i cry too much
and love easily; i can't
decide which yet)..
sometimes
i think that maybe
my heart has
a fence-but, you know,
the kind you can jump over
with little effort.
i maybe just want something
to try to reach me-need me.
sometimes i make
myself sick
with my pathetic
and repeatitive flaws.
you would think that
sometime after failing
so many times that i would
get it right-but i guess i don't.
(i'm sorry.
i've said that i love a lot
of people that i don't love anymore,
like-i've just stopped or something.
and if i ever tell you who
you are, then you will probably
be hurt- i guess maybe
i shouldn't even be saying this then.
i mostly just need to get it out there,
something. maybe i feel guilty?)
why do i always
seem to need
those i can't have.
i just mostly need
someone who lives next
door and who can drink
tea and vodka with me. hm. hm.
any takers?
(as if i were advertising, fuck)
[edit: we are alone and we are scared we are counting and we are coming up short. blue octobers make the daytime scarce- i miss the mist of morning time. of when clouds weren't covering the stars- the gentleness of dew (not rain from the night before) resting quietly upon the ground. we are tired of failing.]