II. The Adventure of the Festive Admirality [Spam]
[Last minute Santa letter!]
[Private to Admiral Claus]
{It's written out, and in full, long, squished paragraphs, but broken up here for the sake of legibility. "The Doctor" in this case is the Fifth Doctor.}
Dearest Admiral Claus,
I shall give into this strange compulsion to be festive, and I humbly request the following items be granted to those few of this ship with whom I have become acquainted. I extend the best wishes of the season to you, dear Admiral, as my Christmas wish has been satisfied. I have found my time aboard this vessel most stimulating.
For perhaps my earliest tutor in the strange new ways of these future crossroads, Mr. Edward Nygma, I request a silver pocket-watch inlaid with green stones. I also request, if it is within your power, to make it difficult to open, that he might be presented with such a challenge on those occasions on which he wishes to know the current time.
Doctor Rex Lewis, a most interesting acquaintance to be certain, would greatly benefit from a pair of gloves more resistant to frequent electrical shock. I understand he fell victim to a most horrible fire, and I should hate for more injuries to befall his person. I also have a tome on venomous snakes which I am sure will interest him, though I shall present this personally.
I should like to request for Mr. Reaver a most fashionable hat, in keeping with the style he is accustomed with some addition of apparatus which emits at unmeasured intervals a pleasant flash of light. In this manner he may perhaps deflect with shock and vulgarity from those things of which he does not care to speak with less lewd obscenity than he brings forth with his choice of topics.
Miss Elphaba, a believe would benefit from a tasteful saddle for her broom, though as I am not sure the fashion in which she rides and cannot specify the make of such a seat. Her acerbic temperament leads me to believe she is a forthright lady who deems sitting side-saddle beneath her.
Noting the lack of suitable vessels in the library, I request for The Doctor a delicate tea service in painted floral china. This request, I admit, is perhaps a more selfish one as I intend to avail myself of both it and the library frequently.
It occurs that the Lieutenant Commander Data is without his magnifying glass, as he has so given to me the particularly fine one that he possessed. While I have another gift for him which I will give myself, I should like that he be presented with another, of a make and quality at least equal to that of which he has bestowed upon me.
In my travels I recall a volume containing the text of The Avesta in the most elegant script, and a key to translation. I believe Agent Kay would most appreciate such a gift.
As once benefited the maid of Mrs. Hudson's who managed to both permanently mark the first floor landing and dare to give cheek on the matter, I request that Miss Shego receive Hartley's Ladies Book of Etiquette, Fashion, and Manual of Politeness, though I daresay she is likely beyond all help. It is a shame you cannot impress upon her its teachings. An elegant corset would also further serve this purpose, in simple white.
For Mr. Patrick Maguire, I request Edwina Burkett's Goose, Lamb, And Chicken Preparation Guide, Second Edition, with pages 23, 24, 31, 45, 58, and 61 marked. This technique worked splendidly with Mrs. Hudson, and I will caution to try it again.
Kind Doctor Martha Jones appears to hail from a time with a shortage of men, which would explain the behaviour of many of the ladies here to be certain, and I believe would appreciate a necklace, preferably with a fine gold chain and blue stones. It has perhaps been rare an occasion for her to have previously received such a gift.
Our esteemed Co-ordinator Narvin will benefit handsomely from a package of holiday plants, containing mistletoe-perhaps both the enchanted and lacking bestial desire varieties-holly, pine boughs, and ivy, so that he may continue his lurid experiments.
Kindest regards in this holiday season,
Sherlock Holmes
[Spam for Data]
After writing his Christmas Eve letter, Holmes closes the small journal, placing it securely in his pocket. An odd compulsion to be driven to, asking gifts for people he's barely met, but hardly the most absurd thing to occur since his arrival. Returning to the task he'd intended before he could no longer bear avoiding such a letter, Holmes collects a folder of his drawings and heads for the art room.
Hanging a few more baubles on the easels, and setting some garland on a table's edge (yet some further queer compulsions in the way of holiday spirit) Holmes sets his folder on a shelf, preparing to further sort through the paints. They've been moved, to his chagrin, but it's not long before they are back in his preferred order. Taking those he wishes to sample, this time for colour quality as opposed to their gourmet flavours, Holmes heads back to his chosen easel. He strips to his shirt sleeves, meticulously selects a brush, and begins his careful strokes.
[Private to Admiral Claus]
{It's written out, and in full, long, squished paragraphs, but broken up here for the sake of legibility. "The Doctor" in this case is the Fifth Doctor.}
Dearest Admiral Claus,
I shall give into this strange compulsion to be festive, and I humbly request the following items be granted to those few of this ship with whom I have become acquainted. I extend the best wishes of the season to you, dear Admiral, as my Christmas wish has been satisfied. I have found my time aboard this vessel most stimulating.
For perhaps my earliest tutor in the strange new ways of these future crossroads, Mr. Edward Nygma, I request a silver pocket-watch inlaid with green stones. I also request, if it is within your power, to make it difficult to open, that he might be presented with such a challenge on those occasions on which he wishes to know the current time.
Doctor Rex Lewis, a most interesting acquaintance to be certain, would greatly benefit from a pair of gloves more resistant to frequent electrical shock. I understand he fell victim to a most horrible fire, and I should hate for more injuries to befall his person. I also have a tome on venomous snakes which I am sure will interest him, though I shall present this personally.
I should like to request for Mr. Reaver a most fashionable hat, in keeping with the style he is accustomed with some addition of apparatus which emits at unmeasured intervals a pleasant flash of light. In this manner he may perhaps deflect with shock and vulgarity from those things of which he does not care to speak with less lewd obscenity than he brings forth with his choice of topics.
Miss Elphaba, a believe would benefit from a tasteful saddle for her broom, though as I am not sure the fashion in which she rides and cannot specify the make of such a seat. Her acerbic temperament leads me to believe she is a forthright lady who deems sitting side-saddle beneath her.
Noting the lack of suitable vessels in the library, I request for The Doctor a delicate tea service in painted floral china. This request, I admit, is perhaps a more selfish one as I intend to avail myself of both it and the library frequently.
It occurs that the Lieutenant Commander Data is without his magnifying glass, as he has so given to me the particularly fine one that he possessed. While I have another gift for him which I will give myself, I should like that he be presented with another, of a make and quality at least equal to that of which he has bestowed upon me.
In my travels I recall a volume containing the text of The Avesta in the most elegant script, and a key to translation. I believe Agent Kay would most appreciate such a gift.
As once benefited the maid of Mrs. Hudson's who managed to both permanently mark the first floor landing and dare to give cheek on the matter, I request that Miss Shego receive Hartley's Ladies Book of Etiquette, Fashion, and Manual of Politeness, though I daresay she is likely beyond all help. It is a shame you cannot impress upon her its teachings. An elegant corset would also further serve this purpose, in simple white.
For Mr. Patrick Maguire, I request Edwina Burkett's Goose, Lamb, And Chicken Preparation Guide, Second Edition, with pages 23, 24, 31, 45, 58, and 61 marked. This technique worked splendidly with Mrs. Hudson, and I will caution to try it again.
Kind Doctor Martha Jones appears to hail from a time with a shortage of men, which would explain the behaviour of many of the ladies here to be certain, and I believe would appreciate a necklace, preferably with a fine gold chain and blue stones. It has perhaps been rare an occasion for her to have previously received such a gift.
Our esteemed Co-ordinator Narvin will benefit handsomely from a package of holiday plants, containing mistletoe-perhaps both the enchanted and lacking bestial desire varieties-holly, pine boughs, and ivy, so that he may continue his lurid experiments.
Kindest regards in this holiday season,
Sherlock Holmes
[Spam for Data]
After writing his Christmas Eve letter, Holmes closes the small journal, placing it securely in his pocket. An odd compulsion to be driven to, asking gifts for people he's barely met, but hardly the most absurd thing to occur since his arrival. Returning to the task he'd intended before he could no longer bear avoiding such a letter, Holmes collects a folder of his drawings and heads for the art room.
Hanging a few more baubles on the easels, and setting some garland on a table's edge (yet some further queer compulsions in the way of holiday spirit) Holmes sets his folder on a shelf, preparing to further sort through the paints. They've been moved, to his chagrin, but it's not long before they are back in his preferred order. Taking those he wishes to sample, this time for colour quality as opposed to their gourmet flavours, Holmes heads back to his chosen easel. He strips to his shirt sleeves, meticulously selects a brush, and begins his careful strokes.