best friends means i pull the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserve...
i'm so filled with fucking anger and rage and i have no clue who to vent to, so i guess this is it.
i can't even stand it and i don't know where to start. i guess i'll start with a little thing i like to call hypocracy.
here's the deal: about a month to two months ago, a friend of mine came home from college. this particular friend is male. i happened to be friends with his ex-girlfriend as well. they had been broken up for about a year and a half. i stopped by my college friends house to see him. while at his house, his ex-girlfriend and someone who was supposed to be one of my best friends came to his house also. well, this didn't turn out very well. my "best friend" and the ex-girlfriend got pissed. the "best friend" stated that "i'd be pissed if she was hanging out with my ex-boyfriend so i should apologize." GET THE HELL OVER IT. i pretty much stopped talking to the both of them until recently. well, i call the supposed "best friend" tonight and what is she doing? she's supposed to hang out with my ex-boyfriend. fucking christ. biggest fucking hypocrite. i can't even stand it. she made such a huge fucking deal about me hanging out with someone else's ex-boyfriend when all she does lately is talk about mine. i can't handle it.
alright. next: people who think they're 'players', so to speak.
i have a friend. she had a thing with this one boy who was actually just messing around with her and he didn't feel anything towards her, but kept leading her on. eventually, he stopped calling her. he basically acted like a jerk. my friend turned out to be very naive. she kept dragging things out with this kid and he just kept blowing her off. she wouldn't see the end of it. once things got better with the two of them, my friend went on to make things worse by toilet-papering his house in the middle of november for no apparent reason. this made things worse. while all this was going on, my friend also had a thing with another boy. this other boy was nicer, but still lacked the ability to give her a call once in awhile. my friend was the one getting played all along. she never knew. she still doesn't but she talks about all the "games" she plays with them and stuff. she seems so fucking desperate to drink and do things with boys past kissing. i want to tell her to just cool it. every goddamn time we go somewhere to drink, she ends up making herself a drink with about 2 percent alcohol and 98 percent mixer. what the fuck is that. if you want to be so tough and fucking hardcore then do it. don't talk shit if you can't fucking back it up. yeah you wanna do all this fucking stuff, but you're scared because you're the apple of your parents eye and you can't ruin that. fucking lie to them once or don't say you wanna do all this stuff. you say "oh yeah we drank some vodka last night." bullshit. i bet you drank not even half a shot of vodka. i love you to death, but i can't handle it anymore. you don't play games with boys. you don't drink. you don't have sex or even want to have sex. stop trying to please people.
i hate this because i have no one to vent to. i feel like all the people i could vent to have disappeared. i won't talk to my college friend anymore because he got me into trouble with my parents. i can't talk to the supposed "best friend" because she is selfish and doesn't care about anyone else and when she does listen she just calls me stupid or when i'm trying to tell her about the fucking stress i'm under, she goes "welcome to my world" fucking b.s. your world is fine. except for your parents getting a divorce, you live in the perfect world. she said i can't get over things. she's still not over a guy who has a girlfriend. she's his little slut. he's hooking up with 9 other girls behind his girlfriend's back and at least 8 behind my friends. get the fuck over it. he's not as nice as you think. he's just looking for a piece of ass. i can't take it.
i wish i could be honest with everyone. i just put on a goddamn smile and agree with them. i couldn't say this to anyone i wrote about in here.
i have so much emotion built up. i don't think i'm over my year-and-a-half relationship. i can's stand seeing him with other girls and it's been 6 months since we broke up. he's an asshole. he started to smoke pot. he drinks all the time. yeah, i'm worried for him. if only he knew. i can't talk to him let alone look him in the eye. i feel sick when he's around. not even sick, he makes me feel low and i just wish we could talk as friends. i don't even know why i'd want to. but it just seems like it might help.